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Stargate: Atlantis Opinion Article

Script for season 4

Opinion by PRINCE2007 posted over a year ago
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Season 4
Adrift [4.01]
Ronon: Pull it out now.
Doctor: I can't do that, it may have punctured an artery.
Ronon: Pull...it...out.
Doctor: Yeah, yeah I get it you're a tough guy. If you want to take it out yourself...
[Ronon attempts to remove the glass]
Doctor: Are you crazy!?

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Dr. McKay: It's like the video game 'Asteroids'.
Lt. Col Sheppard: Whatever works for you.
Dr McKay: I was terrible at 'Asteroids'. I think I actually scored zero once.

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Dr McKay: Told you I wasn't good at 'Asteroids'.

Lifeline [4.02]
Lt. Col Sheppard: How's it going?
Dr. McKay: Well I would be making a lot more progress if 'Timmy Torture' here didn't try to kill me every two seconds.
Dr. Zelenka: I wasn't trying to kill him.

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Dr McKay: We're coming into re-entry.
Dr Lee: You mean entry. You see, we haven't actually entered the pl...
Col. Carter: Bill!

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Dr McKay: I want you to land this city gently, like a leaf, kissing the surface of a pond!
[Sheppard is in the control chair, trying to land Atlantis on M35-117, and crash lands. People fall down because of the crash land]
Dr McKay: Nice, kissing!

Reunion [4.03]
Lt. Col Sheppard: What's that?
Dr. McKay: It's a selection of fruits from the various worlds we trade with. I thought it'd be thoughtful.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Try lame.

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Dr. McKay: Anyway... look, I just uh, just came by to uh, welcome you to Atlantis, see how you're setting in and uh, you know, if you needed anything and uh, did I mention I was seeing someone?
Col. Carter: I'm sorry, what?
Dr. McKay: I'm uh, seeing someone. Yes I only bring it up now because you're here, now, and we'll be working together a lot more and uh, you know, I just thought with our past...
Col. Carter: Our "past"?
Dr. McKay: Well you know, the unrequited lust that's been hanging over our heads for what seems like forever.
Col. Carter: Rodney--
Dr. McKay: I just don't want things to be awkward between the two of us, you know, uh...
[pause]
Dr. McKay: Kind of like they are now.
Col. Carter: Rodney... I'm sure we'll be fine.
Dr. McKay: Oh of course, I mean, I'll be fine... I'm just, with you...

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Tyre: This is it.
Dr. McKay: Hurry up!
Ronon: I got it.
[Ronon shoots the door control, which promptly opens the door]

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Lt. Col. Sheppard: This thing's been way too quiet and way too easy.
Dr. McKay: I kinda like quiet and easy. Makes for a nice change.

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[Rodney attempts to open a door while Sheppard fights off a Wraith attack]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Rodney, get that door open!
Dr. McKay: Aw, to hell with it!
[Rodney fires at the door control, destroying it, with no effect on the door]
Dr. McKay: Aw, come on, it worked for him!

[edit] Doppelganger [4.04]
Lt. Col Sheppard: I'm gonna recommend sending a science team when we get back.
Dr. McKay: I am a science team.

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[Teyla is telling Ronon and McKay about her dream]
Teyla: I can not begin to tell you how bizarre it was.
Dr. McKay: Please. You want bizarre, let me tell you...
Ronon: You know what? Don't.
[Sheppard joins them]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Morning.
[Pause]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: What?
Dr. McKay: Teyla had a dream about you last night.
Teyla: [Annoyed] Rodney.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Really? What was it about?
Teyla: Actually it was more of a nightmare and I'd rather not talk about it.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Was I the dashing hero saving you from the big bad monster?
Ronon: Actually, you were the big bad monster.

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Lt. Col. Sheppard: We were sparring and I got in a lucky shot.
Dr. Keller: It's the middle of the night.
Ronon: Maybe for you.

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Dr. Keller: [About her dream] It was terrifying. There you were with this disgusting alien bug crawling out of your stomach and Colonel Sheppard was acting as it was the coolest thing he'd ever seen.
Ronon: It sounds like that movie.
Dr. Keller: Yeah, Alien. Have you seen it?
Teyla: Colonel Sheppard speaks of it often.
Dr. McKay: I remember the first time I saw it. Certainly did not think it was cool.

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Dr. Kate Heightmeyer: Now based on what's been described to me, the personification of Colonel Sheppard in everyone's dreams, is behaving much like a sociopath.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Did I have a goatee?

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[Sheppard and McKay are in McKay's dream, rowing towards Atlantis]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: You know? This really isn't as strange as you made me believe.
Dr. McKay: Oh yeah? What about that?
[McKay points to a clown that appeared behind them]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I hate clowns.

Travelers [4.05]
[Larrin walks into Sheppard's cell]
Sheppard: What's going on?
[Larrin punches him]
Sheppard: Ow! What was that for?
[Larrin punches him again]
Sheppard: Stop that!
Larrin: I'll stop, if you'll stop lying! You broadcasted a signal, didn't you?
Sheppard: Yes.
[Larrin punches him again]
Sheppard: You said Stop!

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[A Wraith is about to feed on Larrin, when he notices Sheppard pointing a gun to his head. Little does he know, the gun is empty]
Sheppard: I can see you just fed, which means that your regenarating abilities are at maximum. But I seriously doubt you can grow a new head.

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McKay: No, there's something you're not telling us - she was hot, wasn't she?
Sheppard: I don't know what you're talking about.
McKay: Aw, I knew it. That is so typical.
Sheppard: She had me beat Rodney! She threatened to kill me several times. It wasn't like we were hanging out in the spa together.
McKay: Whatever. All that I know is that every time I get taken captive, it's the Wraith. Just once, I would like to be taken prisoner by the sexy alien.

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Sheppard: Sure you wanna go through with this? If you don't make it, I'll feel responsible and, well I really don't need the guilt.
Larrin: I'll be fine as long as you don't shoot too early. I'm sure that's not the first time you've heard that from a woman.
Sheppard: On the other hand, I might be able to live with it!

Tabula Rasa [4.06]
[telling an unimpressed Rodney about a cactus]
Katie: Well, it doesn't have a name yet, but I'm thinking of calling it - [hesitates] - Rodneyani valosa - after you.

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Dr. Keller: Dr Brown. I see you've brought my number one patient.
Dr. McKay: What? Oh, no, we're not here for me this time.

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Dr. McKay: It started suddenly, and then it just stopped.
Dr. Keller: Okay, well, I appreciate you telling me.
Dr. McKay: Aren't you gonna do anything?
Dr. Keller: To be honest, I don't see how it's relevant.
Dr. McKay: Well, it's a new symptom. I thought it just might be important.
Dr. Keller: I don't see how a tingling sensation in your knees relates to this condition, especially since you're the only one experiencing it.

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Lt. Col. Sheppard: You showing any signs?
Dr. McKay: Headache.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Yeah, same here.
Dr. McKay: Five bucks says you start losing your memories first.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Rodney!

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[Dr. McKay is starting to forget things]
Teyla [to Dr. McKay]: What is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter?
Dr. McKay:Well, that's pi, it's 3.14159265 etc, etc... Oh, t-that doesn't count, that's easy.
Teyla: You are a scientist, Rodney, that is what you care about, that is what you will hang on to the longest.
Dr. McKay:Right, right, so... [pause] Wait a minute, doesn't that make me a really bad person?
Teyla:It makes you the type of person who is going to save all our lives.

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[Everyone in Atlantis has lost their memory, apart from Teyla and Ronon. Ronon tells Lorne to take out a polaroid from his vest pocket of Sheppard telling Lorne he is the Commanding Officer]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: That's right, I'm your Commanding officer, so you should do what I say.
Maj. Lorne: Yes, sir, What are our orders.
[Sheppard, confused for a moment turns to Ronon]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Do what he says.

Missing [4.07]
Dr. Keller: Ibuprofen. Helps with the pain and swelling.
Teyla: Yes, Dr. McKay uses them frequently, along with antihistamines, antacids, motion-sickness pills…
Dr. Keller: You forgot the prescription I wrote him for restless leg syndrome.

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Nabel: You're a doctor, a healer, not a killer.
Dr. Keller: You’re right, I am a healer. But first I need something to heal. [shoots him in the knee]

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[Teyla has caught a squid-looking creature for dinner]
Teyla: The taste leaves much to be desired but it will sustain you.
Dr. Keller: [grimacing] Oh, no thanks. I'm not hungry.
Teyla: You should eat.
Dr. Keller: This was my least favourite part of 'Survivor'.

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Ronon: [About the Bola Kai] Don't worry. They're primitive. We can handle them.
Dr. McKay: Define 'primitive'.
Ronon: Clubs and arrows.
Dr. McKay: Hey, arrows can hurt!
Ronon: Only if you're stupid enough to get hit in the ass with one.

The Seer [4.08]
[regarding psychic powers]
Dr. McKay: Well, gee, let me think. Umm, no. Look, in a mechanical, Newtonian universe, not a problem. I mean, you know enough variables, you can predict the outcome; but quantum physics blows that out of the water.

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Dr. McKay: Allow me to make a prediction. This will be a complete waste of time.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I knew you were gonna say that.

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Davos: [to a cynical Rodney] You have doubt in your heart.
Dr. McKay: Anyone with a basic understanding of body language could have told you that.

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Col. Carter: You have had more experience with the Wraith than just about anyone, and in particular with this Wraith. You have a history.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, it's not like we're dating.

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Todd: I believe among your people it is customary to shake hands.
[Todd offers his right hand to Col. Carter. Everyone in the room points their gun at the Wraith. He begins to laugh and waves his hand disparagingly.]
Todd: Just a little Wraith humour. [laughs]

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Ronon: That's it? That's your superweapon?
Dr. McKay: Well, what were you expecting?
Ronon: A big gun? Something that goes boom?

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Dr. McKay: Think about it - a single hive off by itself out in the middle of nowhere, orbiting a supposedly uninhabited planet. That's bound to raise a few eyebrows - [looks at Todd] - I mean, if you had eyebrows.

Miller's Crossing [4.09]
Zelenka: [to Rodney] I cannot sit here waiting for you to have an epiphany! I'm losing the will to live!

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Lt. Col. Sheppard: Have you learned any new information yet?
Barrett: No, not yet. The NID is liaising with Canadian Security Intelligence Service [pronounced see-sis] on the ground. They are expecting us.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: C-what now?
Dr. McKay: Canadian Security Intelligence Services. They're kind of like your CIA.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [sarcastically] CSIS, that's the best you guys can do, huh?

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[Ronon is dressed in civvies - blue jeans and black jacket]
Ronon: I look dumb!
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Helps you blend in a little.
Ronon: I'm gonna stand out no matter what you dress me in.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [considering his hair] That's a good point.

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[Rodney is captured and reunited with Jeannie]
Dr. McKay: [looking around the room] What is this, a lab?
Jeannie: Wow, that's some great detective work there, Nancy Drew!

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Wallace: The best doctors in the world have told her to start saying her goodbyes, begin making funeral plans.
Dr. McKay: That's what I'm saying – neither of us are doctors. Look, yes, I have a Ph.D. – two, actually...

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Jeannie: I can't believe I am betting my life on your sense of direction!
Dr. McKay: What are you talking about?! I've got an excellent sense of direction!
Jeannie: Oh, really? Remember when we went to West Edmonton Mall and Dad had to call the police to find you?
Dr. McKay: That mall was huge!
Jeannie: There were maps every seven metres!
Dr. McKay: Misleading ones!

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Jeannie: [about Katie Brown] So, are you gonna marry her?
Dr. McKay: I don't know.
Jeannie: You've been dating over a year now.
Dr. McKay: [irritated] I'm aware of that, thank you!
Jeannie: You think you're gonna find someone better?
Dr. McKay: No, it's not that.
Jeannie: [laughing] 'Cause you're not!

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Jeannie: The fact that you found a nice girl who's willing to put up with all your many little flaws is a miracle.
Dr. McKay: Look -
Jeannie: Plus, physically well - how do I put this? You're no John Sheppard.

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Dr. McKay: Say, you and I are about even when it comes to looks right?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Who's been lying to you?
Dr. McKay: No, I'm serious.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I am too. Who's been lying to you?

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[Ronon is eating in the commissary, looking on in boredom as Walter rambles until Sheppard enters]
Ronon: [hopeful] Tell me you have something!
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Devlin Medical Technologies.
Ronon: That means...
Lt. Col. Sheppard: You've got somebody to point your gun at.
Ronon: [enthused] Sweet!

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Jeannie: And I'm gonna hold this over your head, for like - forever.
Dr. McKay: Oh, that's totally fair.
Jeannie: Like, you're gonna eat a lot of vegetarian food ... and not complain about it.
Dr. McKay: Sure, sure.
Jeannie: And you're gonna read Madison three stories instead of her usual two.
Dr. McKay: Right.
Jeannie: You're gonna buy me a car.
Dr. McKay: Let's not get out of control here...

This Mortal Coil [4.10]
John: [upon seeing his clone] Great. The last time I came face to face with myself I ending up kicking my own ass.

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Replicator Rodney: [excited] Humanity is about benefit from the world's greatest mind - times two.
Rodney: Can you imagine?
Replicator John: I'm trying not to.

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Replicator John: Wait a minute. we can't go back to Atlantis because we're a security risk.
John: He - I have a point.

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Replicator John: Have we made any progress?
Replicator Rodney: Yeah, the Gate's not working.
Replicator John: I think we figured that much last week when you broke it.

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Rodney: [To Sheppard] If this works, we should be able to track every Aurora-class Replicator ship in the galaxy in realtime.
[A few ships show up on the screen]
Rodney: Well, that's not so bad. I guess the Wraith have really taken a toll.
[The number of ships doubles]
Rodney: On the other hand, my duplicate did say they were building more.
[The ships double again]
Rodney: A lot more.
[The screen fades out. More ships are heard showing up]
Rodney: Oh, crap.
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SG1-090 said:
Thanks for posting this! i LOVE stargate atlantis - and people just don't get how funny it is =D
posted over a year ago.