Type: One Shot
Genre: Fanfiction, humor
Disclaimer: Mr. Troller [Rick Riordan] owns these characters. I WANT LEO. </3 D8
Dedication: The UK cover of the Mark of Athena. As Tracy said on the wall: "Percy and Jason look constipated." Voila, this one shot is born. So don't ask other than that where this idea came from- just- don't.
Leo woke up in his bunk in his ship, the Argo II. He had decided that the number of caffeinated drinks were probably NOT healthy after fifteen cups, and had crashed out with his legs hanging off one end of the bunk. His friends had insisted he needed some sleep, and his brain gratefully obliged.
Sadly, Leo’s bladder was not built for holding fifteen cups of Dunkin’ Donuts double-mocha volcano caffeine explosions; which he had stopped the ship to pick up almost four hours earlier.
“I really have to pee.” Leo said, walking over to open the door to listen to nature’s call.
Outside, Percy was strolling down the tiny dimly-lit hallways and whistling something that reminded Leo of “Friday” by Rebecca Black.
“Where are you going?” Percy asked.
“The bathroom.” Leo said.
“Cool, me too.”
They looked at each other, and then the bathroom about ten feet away. Scrambling and determined to be the first to use the restroom, Percy tripped Leo halfway there and Leo tied a rope around his legs to hold him down. Jason was walking by, saw the two of them wrestling, and quickly took off in the other direction as quickly as a Son of Jupiter could.
“Nooo the bathroom is mine!” Leo said, pinning down Percy and reaching desperately for the bathroom handle.
“It’s mine!” Percy pulled him back and reached for it instead.
“I have to go!” Leo whined.
“Well, I had one of your Chef Leo’s Garage Fajitas, and my stomach does not agree!”
“I had fifteen espressos! I NEED to go!”
“Well I might explode!”
“Go off the ship! You’re a child of Poseidon, the sea is right there!”
Percy looked highly offended. “Excuse me, but I’m not about to go polluting my father’s ocean.”
“Oh, he’d forgive you.” Leo snarled. “And I HAVE TO PEEEEEEE!!!”
Percy kicked him and made a bolt for the door. “No fair!” Leo cried, grabbing Percy’s legs and pulling him along.
“All’s fair in love and war,” Percy said cheerfully.
“No, all’s fair in tiny bladders and only one bathroom.” Leo corrected, pulling Percy down again. “And I intend on using the only bathroom.”
“NNNNNOOOOOOOO!” Percy yelled. “I MUST USE A TOILET!”
“There’s always your dad’s realm.”
“You are sick, Valdez.” Percy said, shaking his head.
“And I have to go.” Leo said. “So if you excuse me-”
“No, I MUST USE THE RESTROOM!”
“I find it necessary to use the loo,” Leo said. “Or there will be a mess to clean up afterwards.”
“Yeah, well have fun cleaning me up, because I’m seriously about to become a Percy grenade.”
Leo made a bleh face. “Ew.”
“SO THE BATHROOM IS MINE!” Percy said, launching himself into the door. “MINEEEE!!”
“NO!” Leo said. He wrestled Percy to the ground again, trying to get Percy to give up and Leo could go in peace at last.
Frank walked by now. He shot Leo and Percy an alarmed glance, before hurrying off down another hallway. He came back with Piper.
“Okay, go work Piper magic.” Frank said, pushing her closer to the two wrestling boys. “I’m going to hide before things get messy.”
Piper watched as Frank ducked into a cut-out section of the wall and gave Leo and Percy an amused expression.
“Well?” Leo asked her. “Help me!”
Piper shook her head and sighed. “You two are idiots.”
“That’s great, BUT I HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM!” Leo shouted back.
“Calm yourself, Repair Boy.” Piper chided. “And I’m right, you two are idiots.”
“Says who?” Percy demanded.
Piper rolled her eyes. “Boys. First of all,” she said putting her hands on her hips. “There are eight bathrooms on the ship.”
Leo and Percy stopped wrestling and stared at her like; Are you serious?
“Second,” Piper went on, pointing at the door the two had been arguing over furiously for the past few minutes. “This is the girls bathroom.”