Why I Don't Like Twilight

    

**Disclaimer: This is a rant. That is why it is in the rant spot. So, some of the content of this article may be rather obnoxious in tone. But I mean no offense to Twilight-likers, and hope that you can understand my opinion.**



Have you heard of Twilight? I'm guessing, the answer is yes. You are, perhaps, a hardcore fan who LUUVS Edward, or maybe you can't stand Twilight. (If you HAVEN'T heard of Twilight, have you been living under a rock for the last year or so? If so, I applaud your courage.) I fall into the 'Can't Stand It!' category. And I am going to explain why.
    First of all, I feel that I have read better fanfiction then Twilight. The majority of the characters are Mary-Sues. Edward especially. The plot is not the greatest, in fact, we don't even really see a plot until, what, 350 pages in? I especially do not like the way it is written- about every two sentences, there is a sentence about Edward's utter speshulness and HAWTness (!!!!1!!!11), using adjectives like 'glorious', 'scintillating', 'marvelous', and 'breathtaking.' Most writers do not spend this much time describing their characters but this most often occurs when said character is -gasp!- a Mary-Sue. There are more ways Twilight is like a fanfiction, but I do not have enough room. Moving on to other topics: Edward Freaking Cullen.
    In case you didn't know, Edward is the vampire whom Bella (the book's main character) falls madly in love with. He was born in 1901, was turned into a vampire, came to Forks, loved Bella's smell (Yes, SMELL.), yadahyadahyadah. Bella, in turn, got a mega crush on Edward. This is when things start to go down. Bella finds out early in her 'relationship' with Edward that he started watching her sleep a little bit after he met her. Bella's reaction is not, in fact, 'You crazy stalker, stay away from me!' but, something along the lines of, 'Oh no! I talk in my sleep! What did you hear?' If someone was in my bedroom watching ME sleep, I'd call my nearest mental hospital to get them admitted.
    Edward also has incidents where he has stalked Bella. (Watching her sleep DOES count.) One example is when Bella and her friends, Jessica and Angela, are in Port Angeles dress shopping. Bella goes off on her own, and runs into four hormonal men. They do the 'chase after an innocent girl' thing, and then, *poof!* Edward shows up with his shiny silver Volvo. He was following her. Here's a sample: "I started to drive in circles, still... listening. The sun was finally setting, and I was about to get out and follow you on foot ..." See?! He even says he was following her!
    Twilight is also Anti-Feminist. Stephenie Meyer says that she tried writing Twilight from a feminist perspective, but she must be mistaken in what feminism is. Twilight has the ongoing theme that you need a man to make you happy in life. Bella was doing just fine by herself before Edward came along, and then, in New Moon, after he leaves her, she is totally devastated. She is practically catatonic. If I remember correctly, she contemplates killing herself. Oh, and I forgot to mention that she jumps off of a FREAKING cliff, a CLIFF!, because of a voice in her head that sounds just like Edward's.
    Twilight ignores vampire myths. The Twilight vampires are virtually indestructible. The only way they can be killed is if another vampire rips them into pieces and burns them. Twilight vamps don't burn in the sun, they sparkle! They're just like Glitter Barbie (I'm not sure if that exists, but go with me.), or a My Little Pony! Their eyes change color, if they haven't had lots of blood recently, they are black. This is universal with all vampires. Their eyes are topaz if they drink animal blood, and red if they drink human blood. Seriously, blood is blood. I'm pretty sure it's always red, or at least a reddish brown. I think the only reason the eye thing is in there is so they blend in with other highschoolers. Dude, they're super pale and they sparkle. I don't see much blending going on!

The only non-mary Sues in this book are the humans. Angela, Jessica, Mike, Tyler... all who Bella ditches once Edward comes along. Be nice to your friends.

    In conclusion, Stephenie Meyer wrote a book that became vastly popular because the characters are hot.

I think she just needs more creative outlets.

PS: I really could have gone a LOT longer, but I'm not interested in boring you.


Image Credit: It wasn't letting me link to the image album, so here's the search page. Photobucket Anti-Twilight Page
I put together the collage.