“Kayden!” Sebastian-my band’s manager-had a look of dismay on his simple features. I couldn’t hear him, but I could read his lips. Anyone who knew me knew to get my attention before they spoke.
    “What?” I asked. Though I’d been deaf since I was five I knew how to speak as well as anyone with full hearing.    
    “You still haven’t made your set list,” he stated, his face screwed up into a frown. “The first performance is tomorrow night.”
    “I’ll have it finished before then,” I said offhandedly.
    Billie-a friend and an amazing producer-walked into the room at that time, his gray eyes looked weary and stressed. “The set list,” he said, “will be finished in one hour. Do you understand?” Billie arched an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest.
    “It’ll be in,” I muttered dismissively.
    “Alright.” Billie nodded, ran a hand through his short, blonde hair, then left the room.
    “I’ll go so you and the boys can work on the set list. You’d better finish it though, Billie isn’t as near as charming when he’s in a bad mood.” Sebastian turned and made his way out of the room, letting himself out of the house.
    I stretched out, not bothering to move from my sprawled position on the ottoman. The guys would come down in only a moment to ask what Sebastian and Billie had had to say. I let my eyes drift closed; when they shut, I felt a slight burning. The last time I’d slept was at least twenty-six hours ago.
    I’d been up, thinking about the one man in my life that I’d grown to love. Shame on me for loving him, but I did. I hadn’t hidden it very well, either. Over half of the songs I’d written were about my feelings for him.
    I felt a tap on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and looked up to find the gray eyes I’d come to love just above my own. I broke my gaze with him, knowing I would turn red due to mortification if I did not. I peered around him to see the other guys all taking a seat in the chairs spaced in a semicircle around the ottoman.
    Ben slapped my feet. “Move,” he commanded. Ben was the one most concerned with my hearing loss. He had even gone as far as to learn sign language, even though I really wasn’t as fluent as most people expected me to be. Maybe him taking the time to learn it was one of the things that made me love him the way I did.
    “What did Sebastian and Billie want?” Ryle asked, sitting in the chair opposite me.
    “They came to fuss at me for not having the set list finished.” I smirked.
    Ben smacked my foot. “You promised me you would have it finished last week!” he admonished me.
    “I lied.” I shrugged.
    Michael waved his hand around in the air. It was something the guys did to get my attention. I looked at him, ignoring all of the slaps and punches from Ben. “When does Billie want it finished?”
    “Fifty-five minutes,” I answered, realizing we’d wasted at least five minutes of that hour with a small bullshitting session.
    Lucas-whom of which sat between Ryle and Michael-took a small notebook and pen from the table next to him. We always left paper and pens out just in case one of us had a sudden idea for a song. “Well, what should we open with?” he asked, his eyes hitting each of us, but came back and rested on me.
    “Curses,” I said, naming off one of the more personal songs I’d written.
    “Alright, what should we end with?” Lucas arched an eyebrow when I didn’t respond. “Come on, if we hit the high points in the show we can fill everything else in randomly.”
    I sighed. “We’ll play Sound Of Your Voice last.”
    All of the guys’ eyes went over to something near me. I looked over at Ben. “-my favorite,” he said.
    I grinned, but inside my heart cracked. If only he knew, I thought.

Ben’s POV

    Kayden and Ryle bickered about our mid-point song. I ignored them, being much too busy to referee. I kept replaying that grin he’d given me when I said that song was my favorite. I wondered if he read my lips of if he was just doing that to give the illusion of him knowing what I said. In all honesty, I hoped he didn’t know. I knew how intelligent he was and with that remark, he would probably reach the conclusion of me liking him. He would be right, of course, but I’ve barely scratched the surface on coming to terms with my sexual orientation.
    “What do you think, Ben?” Kayden asked, interrupting my thoughts.
    I looked at him. “About?” Kayden gave me a death glare. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”
    Kayden shook his head and sighed. “Should we do Trash and Glamour or Purple Jackets for our mid-point song?”
    I thought for a moment. Trash and Glamour was by far Kayden’s favorite hype song, but Purple Jackets suited Ryle best. “Why can’t we do both?” I asked.
    “Well while you were in lala land we finished everything and this is the last song slot we have,” Lucas answered.
    I sighed; our label had put many restrictions on us until we gained more experience. One of those restrictions just happened to be the length of our shows. “We can do Trash and Glamour, and if we came slip it past everyone we will play Purple Jackets near the end.”
    Ryle sighed. “Why do you always take his side?” he muttered grouchily.
    “Because he likes-” Michael started.
    I panicked, picked a pillow up off the floor, and threw it at him. It hit his face and bounced off, landing in his lap. Michael was the only one who knew about me liking Kayden and that was an accident.
    We’d been sitting around in my room. Michael and I sprawled out on the bed, talking about upcoming songs and tour dates. He was flipping through a small scrapbook I’d made with all the photos of the band members before we’d signed to a label. Everyone had their own page, except Kayden who had three special pages of only him.
    “Dude, are you obsessed with him or something?” Michael asked while I stared blankly at my phone’s small screen and pretending to tap at it distractedly.
    “Hmm?” I mused, dropping me phone onto my abdomen. I scooted closer to him to look at the book.
    A page of Kayden was in front of me. It was a whole page dedicated to the times he performed shirtless. I’ll shamelessly admit that was my favorite page.
    “You have three pages of nothing but Kayden, then a whole page with you and Kayden. After that you have five pages of all of us, but Kayden is in every picture.” Michael paused, then a wide smile curved his lips upward. “You like him,” he accused me, his brown eyes narrowing into slits.
    “No,” I said too quickly. I mentally kicked myself. “I mean, no, I don’t-”
    “Look, I don’t care if you’re into men or women, but you definitely like him.” Michael may not be gay himself, but he was very laid back about that sort of thing. Then again, when one is friends with Kayden for an extended amount of time any homophobia issues in that individual’s mind begin to die down.
    “I don’t like men,” I protested.
    “But you like Kayden,” Michael pressed.
    “I don’t-”
    “Tell me the truth, Ben,” he interrupted me, his brown eyes boring into my gray ones. “Or I’ll tell Kayden the truth.”
    I swallowed, hard. I steadied my uneven breathing, then took a deep breath. “I like Kayden. Hell, I love him, I have since we were fifteen.”
    “How long have you and Kayden known each other?” Michael asked.
    “Since we were thirteen, we met you when we were sixteen. I’d been head over heels for him two years before you guys ever came along.”
    “So, were you best friends?”
    “Well, it’s actually a little more complicated-” Before I had my chance to explain exactly what happened my phone began to ding. I picked it up, off my abdomen and looked at the screen. Billie was calling me. I put the phone to my ear and Michael leaned his head closer to mine so he could hear the exchange. “Hello?”
    “Hey Ben, can I ask you to do a favor for me?” he asked.
    “Um, sure,” I said, praying I wouldn’t regret this.
    “I want you to watch over Kayden. I know he can read lips and the like, but I don’t want him getting into any trouble at shows. If you could be near him and just listen for people that would be great.”
    My heart started beating frantically in my chest. “No problem,” I muttered breezily, trying to downplay it.
    “But, don’t let him know I told you to do this. I think he would be upset if he knew,” Billie said quietly.
    “Oh, no problem. I’ll do it.”
    “Thank you so much,” Billie said gratefully.
    “Your welcome.” I snapped my phone shut as Billie hung up. He never said good-bye and was very blunt. I looked over at Michael whom of which was sporting a large grin. I rolled my eyes and flicked him in the head.
    “Don’t you think I didn’t notice when your heart started beating like the wings of a butterfly,” he teased, shoving his elbow into my ribs.
    Michael threw the pillow back at me, hurtling me back into the present. I’d done exactly as Billie had asked, I’d watched over Kayden and he didn’t know a thing. In all honesty, I would’ve watched over him without Billie’s request. I’d been doing it since we were thirteen and I wasn’t about to stop anytime soon.

Kayden’s POV

    I tugged on a pair of tight, black pants and a loose white vest. My blonde hair hung in front of my bright blue eyes, shielding them from Ben. I didn’t want him to see the terror in them. I was overly happy about this, but I was scared all the same. Michael and Ryle were tampering with their instruments as I stood in front of a mirror behind the curtain of the stage we were performing on tonight.
    I closed my eyes for a moment, remembering the words to all of the songs I had written. A hand came down on my shoulder, causing me to jump out of my skin. My eyes snapped open and I saw Ben, standing behind me. His face was set into a slight frown, his gray eyes buzzing with excitement.
    “Are you ready?” he asked.
    I nodded. “Yeah,” I answered breathlessly.
    Ben rubbed my shoulder comfortingly. “You’ll do amazing,” he said while giving me a reassuring smile. He rested his chin on my shoulder, both of us staring into the mirror in front of us. “I do have some bad news, though.”
    “What is it?” I asked as worry bubbling inside of me.
    “Billie can’t sing the duet with you tonight.” Billie and I had recorded a song together, and I had put it on the set list. I needed someone to do it with me. It was not a piece for one man.
    “Who will-?”
    Ben interrupted me, putting a finger against my lips. “I’ll sing it with you.”
I tried not to look shocked, but failed miserably. “I didn’t know you could sing,” I murmured, feeling awful for not knowing his strengths and weaknesses.
    “Well, I’m nothing like you are, but I’ll do for tonight.” He gave me a small smile, causing his whole face to brighten. I had to smile too, seeing as his happiness was contagious.
    “Thank you,” I said gratefully, then remembered the song we would be singing was a romantic song. I would have to keep my feelings in check; I did not want to fuck up what I had with Ben.
    Ben smiled at me, then turned around. He turned me too, only so I could face Billie and Sebastian. I almost groaned and turned away, but I kept myself still.
    “Are you boys ready?” Billie asked.
    “Yeah,” I said, stretching my arms.
    “Kayden, are you okay?” Sebastian watched me carefully.
    “Never better,” I mumbled.
    “Ryle! Lucas! Michael!” Billie cupped his hands around his mouth. Then waved his hand to gesture the other boys over. They loped over to the small group we made backstage. “You go on in five minutes, are you ready?”
    Everyone except me nodded. I just felt the knot in the bottom of my stomach tighten uncomfortably. I took a deep breath and looked up at the lights. They went dark; I could only see the shining of the guys’ silver jewelry in the black.
    “Good luck,” Billie murmured, before seizing Sebastian’s wrist and tugging him off the stage.
    I popped my neck and rolled my shoulders. This was it. The guys took their places out on the dark stage, I followed suit. I noticed I was rather close to Ben, but I didn’t mind. I took the microphone, silently counting the seconds until the lights came up and we began. I put the microphone to my mouth.
    “Five, four three, two-” I counted quietly, then launched into our beginning song, Curses. “Today is the day I hex you. Today is the day I stand up.”
    The crowd was going wild: jumping, screaming, tears ran down a few faces. I felt the adrenaline pump through my veins and I sung with more power. Ben crept next to me.
    “I have no plans of dying; this wretched curse won’t kill me. This wretched curse won’t kill me yet. It’s your job to watch over me.”
    I looked up at Ben who kept his eyes on his bass. I smiled slightly before diving into the chorus of the song. His head rose, eyes meeting mine. A fiery passion burned between us, something I’d never felt.
    “I am a cursed devil, not one to be entangled with. I’m neither pure nor golden, although you‘ll wish I was when I‘m through with you,” I growled into the microphone.
    
Ben’s POV

    It was all I could do to focus on playing the correct notes. The way Kayden voice echoed off the walls was enough to make my head swim. Certain words his voice held as a caress, but some came out as a harsh growl that made my stomach churn. I plucked a spare microphone from one of the stands at the corner of the stage. I suddenly felt grateful this song was only piano so I wouldn’t have to worry about my bass playing obligations while I sang this with him. My singing ability could not even compare with Kayden’s, but I am pretty descent if I do say so myself.
    A haunting melody began to come from the piano. The harsh lights above us turned a purple color and I moved to stand closer to Kayden. A line of sweat was beginning to break out across his forehead. He glanced over at me; his blue eyes held a purplish gleam. He cleared his throat just before he put the microphone to his mouth.
    “I want to hold you. I want your lips against mine.” His voice rang out and my heart quickened. He was amazing. “Our love burns red like a candle’s fire.”
    Anxiety washed over me as my cue came up. “Passion filled nights light up my mind. You’re eyes are glowing like the embers of the fire.” The crowd roared as I sang. My voice had always been more gravelly. One time Michael told me I didn’t sing, I growled. I glanced over at Kayden who was beginning to start his next line.
    “Baby the day you left me is something I will never forget.”
    “For it’s burned in my heart. It still whimpers with the thought of you.”
    The piano started its’ introduction to the chorus. Simultaneously, we began to sing. “Baby when I see your smile, I cry tears of joy. And when you kissed me, my heart would crack in two. It‘s all because I love you.”
    The chorus ended and watched Kayden’s face as I started into my portion of the second verse. He knew all of the words by heart and watched my lips as I sang them. “I feel your breath on my face. I can feel your soft kisses on my fragile skin. I wish I could still feel your heart beating. I miss its’ gallant rhythm.”
    Kayden’s eyes were sparkling as he started into his lines. “My weary eyes miss your face. My tears no longer fall for I am weak.” Tears were actually sparkling in his eyes, but he was not weak. I knew him too well to assume he was weak. “I remember when we first met. I was young and you were wet.”    
    I smiled to myself, knowing Kayden had written that line himself. I remembered when we first met we were young and I was wet… Did he write this about me?
    “Maybe one day,” we started together in synchronization. “Not too long from now we will meet again, and be together until the end.”

Kayden’s POV

    I sat in my room with my knees pulled up to my chest. I kept reliving the duet between Ben and I that took place only hours ago. Just by his eyes, I knew he had a magnificent time singing with me. Even thought I couldn’t hear him, I knew he did amazing. The boys decided to go out for a drink, but I claimed exhaustion. In reality, I wanted to lie around my room and bitch like a high school girl.
    Ben wanted to stay back with me, but I wouldn’t let him. Now that I was laying here in complete boredom, maybe I should have let him stay. If he would have, I may have gotten myself into trouble. It’s a million wonders that I didn’t tackle him on that stage and take him right there. I groaned and rolled over, falling face first into my pillow. I so lost my balls. Thump. I groaned again and rolled over. Ben sat atop me, a wild gleam in his gray eyes.
    “What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked with an involuntary smile.
    Ben shrugged. “The guys were going on their victory rounds, so I decided I would come back.”
    “What, is your dick all tuckered out?” I asked sarcastically.
    He glared at me with narrowed eyes, but he was fighting back a smile. “No. I just don’t want a boobalicious brunette.”
    “Go for a blonde then,” I muttered and closed my eyes again. So, he came back to taunt me.
    Ben flicked me in the head. I opened my eyes and looked up at him curiously. “I am going for a blonde.”
    “What are you-” I never finished, because I started something new. Ben’s lips were against mine and moving in sync. I had no control over myself as his hands wandered down my body, and my hands did the same to him.
    He slid his hands under my shirt and tugged it off, over my head. I did the same to him and savored the feel of his cool lips against my abdomen. Ben worked his way down to the button of my jeans. He flicked it open, but that’s were I stopped him. I put a hand on his, and tried to ignore his embarrassed, disappointed, and confused expression.
    “Ben. I-”
    He shook his head. “I understand. You don’t like me that way.”
    Despite myself, I laughed. “Where the fuck did you get that idea? It’s not like I’ve hidden it all that well.” He looked back up at me. “I thought it was you who didn’t like me. Hell, I thought you were straight.”
    Ben shrugged. “I did for a long time, too. I started doubting that when I let you fuck me.”
    My eyes widened. It was true. I had fucked my best friend once before, but we were fourteen and had a little too much of my stepfather’s pot. “All this time?” I breathed.
    Ben shrugged again. “I was so humiliated from being caught that I never asked for you to do it again.”
    I blushed as the memory of his mother walking in on us played through my mind. “I was humiliated too, but that didn’t stop me from wishing you would.”
    “Why didn’t you just ask me?”
    I looked at him incredulously. “Am I the type that does shit like that?”
    “Fine, you have a point.” Ben rolled his eyes. “All I know is that I love you, Kayden. I have since we were teenagers.”
    I smiled and kissed him again. “I love you, too Ben.”

*Five years later*

    “So Kayden, have you ever been able to hear?” Sandra Paggorty asked me. She was one of the top reporters for Glam Weekly Magazine, and they were the first ones doing an interview with us. Well, second if you counted the fact that this interview was airing live. I had put my foot down on doing interviews, but finally Billie convinced me to try it.
    As I answered this question, I remembered why I did not want to do an interview. “No.”
    “Is it difficult to sing without sound?”
    “Not for me. I have amazing band members and we all work together so I know what I need to be doing and when. Everyone is always making an effort to make it easier, but if I had it my way I would be doing it like everyone else.” I ran a hand through my hair and reminded myself why I was doing this. I would make this announcement in an effort to speak out for the gay community.
    “I know this is off topic, but, do you have a girlfriend?”
    I looked down at my hands and smirked. I did not do this for nothing. “No, but I have a boyfriend.”
    Her brown eyes widened with shock. “Oh, well that’s nice.”
    “I know. Actually, I lied.” Sandra’s face fell in relief, she opened her mouth to speak again, but I cut her off. “I have a fiancée. We are to be married in one week. His name is Ben. He is the bass player, and my best friend.”
    Sandra nodded uncomfortably. “Well, I’m sure you two will be very happy together.”
    I smiled. “I know we will be considering we live in such a free country as this one.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “It is a shame we cannot get married in our fucking country. We have decided travel to Canada just to say I do and kiss like any straight couple. Good job, America.” I stood and walked off the set. I said all I had to, though I knew Billie would be madder than forty hells.
    I traipsed outside to the open streets of New York City. I glanced up at the clock. It was two o’ one on a Monday afternoon. December third, two-thousand-five. My birthday was only a few days away. I walked a little ways down the sidewalk before a man in a black suit caught my eye. He walked over to me.
    “Are you Kayden?”
    I nodded. “Yes, sir. And you are?”
    “Someone who thinks America is doing a great job at putting fags in their place.”

Ben’s POV

    Michael sat next to me, his arms wrapped around my waist. Ryle and Lucas each had a hand on one of my shoulders. I kept rereading the headline at the top of the newspaper. Finally, I had to read it aloud. If nothing but because I had to make it sink in.
    “Kayden Ryder was a twenty-seven year old gay man who was brutally murdered on December third, two-thousand-five. A Baptist pastor from Virginia-whose name we will not release-is sentenced to spend life in prison due to the charges of first-degree murder. Authorities believe that the pastor murdered him due to his sexual identity. Groups such as PFLAG and GLAAD have taken action…” I trailed off, unable to read anymore. I shook my head and blinked as tears streamed down my face.
    Michael kissed my cheek. “Ben, put that away. It’s been seven years since that happened. It is time to move on.” With those words, he stood and walked into the living room.
    I sighed shakily and leaned back in my chair. Next Friday, seven years ago, would’ve been our wedding day. Kayden had been so excited. He had flowers, food, and decoration plans out the ass. I slid the newspaper to the other side of the table and looked at the item under it. The scrapbook of us. I flipped it open just to remember that he had been alive. I touched my wrist just to check my pulse to remember that I was alive. I closed my eyes and imagined I could still hear his voice.
    “You know I’ve always loved you dear and I always will. Now you rest for a moment so I may sing without sound.”