It was with a heavy heart that I left Forks. It pained me to think that I would never see her lovely face again, never hear her tinkling voice -for I am determined to fight all the demons inside me. – I am determined to stay away. I won’t ruin her, even her family, even her Jacob. I realized I love her too much to cause her pain. I agonized over the fact that I was merely created to bring her pain.
I realized I could never go back to my coven. I knew I would be dead the instant I stepped into the castle and once I'm gone, they would come up with another devious and intricate plan against the Cullens. I would merely be just an experiment who failed. No, I couldn’t have that. I’ll let them think I was still laying the bait. I don’t know how long they would be satisfied with my excuse. Somehow I have to meet Edward and give him my warning. But that would have to wait. I have to forget about his daughter first.
With no particular plan, I wandered around. Often, a war would wage inside me.
Just a short visit to Forks wouldn’t hurt her.
Just a glimpse of her face that’s not too much to ask.
NO! Isn’t loving her torture enough?
So, I continued to jump to one place to another until I found New Hampshire and Dartmouth. Its charming serenity somehow reminded me of Forks. I decided to stay. I enrolled myself. I forged a lot of documents and charmed my way through the interviews until I found myself accepted. Why am doing this? I once thought. I realized I needed normalcy. This would be something I would do if I were normal, if I were human enough.
I was taking an evening stroll, on my way to my favorite spot, a quaint little garden at the back of an old building, when I heard a familiar tinkling laugh.
I stood frozen on the spot in front of a dormitory.
Could it be?
“I think we could be really good friends, Jenny.”
Her voice… How many nights have I dreamed of hearing it once again?
NO! NO! NO!
“Let’s eat out.”
It was like demons trying to strangle my throat. Will I never escape? Is she taunting me? Haven’t I stayed far away? Why did she have to be here? We can not be in one place at the same time.
Anger boiled inside me. She has no idea of the torment she has caused me, no idea at all.
She has no idea of the anguish I felt.
But then again, even though angered, I found myself following her once again. I couldn’t deny the fact that I wanted to see her face.
I could not keep my eyes away from her. I wanted to drown myself with her loveliness. I couldn’t look away when our eyes met. I could almost taste the electricity in the air with the tip of my tongue.
She seemed to recognize me…How could she? She doesn’t know I exist until now.
I felt her fear.
Good. She should be.
I felt her curiosity.
She can’t know me, not the real me.
I felt her…wait…she can’t be…is she really drawn to me? Almost like she was attracted...
Half of me rejoiced. There’s still hope.
Half of me waged war towards the tiny spark of hope I felt.
You wanted her safe right? Stay away…
I clenched my fists. Do I have to go to the other side of the globe just to keep her safe? I winced as I realized that I could do just that. I would do everything to keep her safe.
* * *
I followed her to her dormitory then went to my favorite garden. I lifted the violin and nestled it on my shoulder then rested my chin on it. I closed my eyes, the bow poised in midair above the strings. I saw her beautiful face flashed before me. I was lost in the intensity I never knew before. I poured my heart out to the melody unraveling itself to me. It sang of the joy of realizing love, the sorrow of crushed hope, the torment of trying to forget.
The melody of the violin filled the air. I hope it would reach her so she would know that I would trade everything so that I could be with her…So that I could love her freely… So that I would be free of my obligation…
I bowed my head and continued to play my violin. It cried a lament of unrequited love.
A sonata for Renesmee.
* * *
The Sonata is vivid on my head. I wish I had my violin with me. I was caught up with my reveries, I wasn’t able to sense him until he stood in front of my tree.
“Where is she? Tell me!” Jacob growled. He was flanked by two gigantic werewolves. The sandy one whimpered while the grey one bared its pointed teeth to me.
“Where is she?” Jacob shouted. I could see he’s about to lose control.
I jumped from the branch to the ground, landing softly in front of him.
“What are you talking about?”
The sonata inside my head abruptly turned into a sound of Renesmee’s bloodcurdling screams. Cold water was poured to my entire body. I couldn’t breathe. Could it be possible that they have found out already?