Chapter 31: She Was So Young
Jake and I walked through the door of his house completely drained. The memorial had taken so much out of us. I had to watch Seth fall apart all over again. Jake drove my car to the memorial I rode in front with him and Leah and Seth were in the backseat. During the ride to the memorial he freaked out, “What if she doesn’t want me anymore?” Jake tried to reassure him, “nah, you imprinted on her it is forever.” Seth looked at him fiercely, “Jake she is 100% vampire now. This changes everything.” I looked at him wide eyed, “Does it change how you feel about her?” He looked at me in shock, “Well of course not.” I smiled back at him , “Then I guarantee that she will feel the same about you.” He was inconsolable. Leah was so sweet with him, I could tell that she was really worried. “Seth, you can’t think that way. Like Jake said, what you have with her is forever.” Seth looked at his sister, his eyes darkened, “you don’t think that Sam will try to step in?” Leah’s delicate face suddenly turned into an evil sneer, “He won’t do anything, you can bet on that.” Jake shook his head. “Sam won’t do anything, it is different now. The treaty is basically nothing, I am with Renesmee and he doesn’t care. You cannot control who you imprint on.” Seth looked at him doubtfully. It became even worse when we got to the auditorium and he saw the large picture of her that was set up on the projector screen behind the stage. There were flowers everywhere. Teachers comforted grief-stricken students. It angered me. These kids were all so mean to her while she was alive and now they were upset. I knew it wasn’t because they missed her. This was their first taste of their own mortality. It technically could have been any one of them that died in that accident and that morbid fact was what had rendered the lot of them to be inconsolable. Seth looked throughout the crowd and turned to me, “Do you see her father and sister anywhere?” I scanned the crowd , looking. I had never met them but I had seen pictures at Sienna’s house. It didn’t look good. I shook my head. Seth started shaking, “What the hell is wrong with them, how can they not even care.” Jake placed his hand on Seth’s shoulder and looked at him severely, “Seth if you don’t pull it together we are going to have to leave. I can’t have you phasing right here in front of everyone. Take a deep breath.” I went to hug him, but Jake pulled me back protectively, “stay back until he calms down more.” I obeyed and sent him an apologetic look but he didn’t see it, his gaze was locked on the picture of his departed Sienna. Leah looked at him steadily and Seth took a deep breath. When he had calmed down a bit I went back to him, “Listen I am just as pissed off by her family as you are but she is surrounded by all of us now. You, myself my family we love her dearly. Everything will be alright She will still love you Seth I know it.” He looked down, “I can only hope that she will forgive me,” I held him to my side as we quietly wept together. I could feel the eyes of my fellow classmates on us but I didn’t care. I was going to make a point to talk to my parents about discontinuing school as soon as possible. Mr. Banner stepped onto the stage and hushed the crowd He looked deeply disturbed. As annoying as he was in class, I could tell that he truly cared, and for that I was grateful. “As you all have heard Sienna Stanley was involved in a tragic accident a few days ago, after the homecoming dance. It unfortunately ended her life.” His eyes closed and his voice shook, “she was so young, he whispered. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, “Unfortunately her father couldn’t be here so I have been asked to lead the ceremony. I didn’t know Ms. Stanley very well, but from what I observed of her she was a nice girl. Much nicer than some of her fellow classmates were to her, “ his eyes flickering briefly to Jeff, “she was intelligent and a good student. From what I have heard she was also quite the artist and intended to pursue art in college. On this sad day I would like to call us all together to mourn for Ms. Stanley’s family, and her friends, “ he looked sadly over at me and Jake and Seth. That did it, I started sobbing Jake held onto me tightly and rubbed my back. “We are going to take the next twenty minutes to sit in silence and reflect on this tragic loss. Those of you who feel inclined may bring a flower up to the stage and leave it in her memory. The school will be planting a tree out front to commemorate Sienna Stanley’s brief life. The school band beagn playing a rendition of amazing grace and students aimlessly filed to the stage to leave a flower I was sobbing so hysterically that I was shaking and I couldn’t breathe Jake tucked me into his arms and spoke to Seth and Leah over my head, “I have to get her out of here, are you coming?” Seth shook his head and stayed firmly in place Jake looked at him critically, “Are you going to be alright in here?” He nodded, “I just need a few more moments. I will be out shortly.” Leah looked at Jake ,”I will stay with him, don’t worry if he starts to lose it I will get him out of here.” Jake patted her shoulder, “We will be outside waiting for you.” He started to lead me away but I froze in my tracks. “Wait,” I told him, “I want to leave a flower,” He nodded and led me to the front where I picked one out and placed it on the stage I stared at the picture again, swept away by the sadness in Sienna’s eyes An overwhelming amount of guilt swept over me and the sobs started back up again, I was blinded by the tears that were ferociously flooding down my cheeks I clung to Jake He guided me out of the auditorium. When we got to the exit, he picked me up and carried me the rest of the way. We sat down at one of the picnic tables, all the while he rocked me like a baby calming me down “It’s ok, everything is going to be alright” I knew that it was ridiculous for me to be carrying on this way, Sienna would be immortal now. I just felt this horrible guilt that ate away at me because I knew that her soul was lost, and that she would never have a normal life. Mostly I wept for her because her family didn’t show. Eventually Seth and Leah caught up with us He moved slowly like a zombie. When he looked at me I shrank back his eyes were so angry, “How could they not show?” He demanded Jake looked at him sternly, “Seth, let it go. You are her family now, and so are the Cullen’s. It’s over.” Leah put her arm around his shoulder, “Come on, let’s go home. Mom is worried sick about you” He conceded and allowed his sister to lead him to my car. The ride to La Push was quiet Jake dropped them off at their house “Are you going to be alright man?” He asked. Seth nodded, then looked at Jake pleadingly, “If you hear anything…” Jake held his hand up, “I swear the minute that I hear anything you will be the first to know” I stepped out and hugged him. I turned to Leah, “Thank you for coming Leah,” she flushed and looked down She was not good at dealing with emotions. “I had to be there for my pack, for my brother." She looked at me sadly, “you know she is going to kind of be my sister someday. I feel horrible that I didn’t get there fast enough” she whispered. I hugged her it’s not your fault if it wasn't for you we wouldn’t have found her so quickly” Her eyes lit up a bit at that. “Keep a close eye on him and please call Jake if anything happens” She nodded soberly at me and hen headed after her brother.
I got back into the car and looked into Jake’s caring eyes, “how are you?” he asked with concern I closed my eyes, I felt horrible. My head felt like it was full of mush I couldn’t think straight He looked at my face and traced the circles under my eyes “The first thing that we are going to do is hunt” he informed me I shook my head, I really didn't feel like it. He looked at me sternly “Nessie you have to eat.” I looked at him with tears forming in my eyes, “I can’t go hunting Jake, I am totally spent.” He smiled at me gently "It has been a rough day, how about we settle for human food and a movie?” I smiled tightly I couldn’t bear the thought of enjoying myself not knowing how Sienna is. Jake stopped the car. "That’s it I have to do something, you have to snap out of this it is not good for you I am very worried about you," He picked up his phone and dialed. “What are you doing?” I asked in alarm. “I am calling your mother." I looked at him in awe He wouldn’t dare “Hey Bells do you have an update for us? Uh huh, uh huh. Ok, well tell your daughter because she is so worried that she is refusing to eat.” He passed the phone to me my mother’s concerned voice floated into my ear. “Renesmee, darling everything is alright. Please eat Sienna is fine, she is a little lively and is giving your father and uncles a run for their money, “she chuckled, "but she is ok. You don’t need to worry. I promise I will call you when it is safe for you to come home” I sighed in , relief, “Mom, I just feel so guilty” my mother calmed me “It is not your fault now enough. Please go and attempt to have some fun with Jacob.” I sighed. “And Renesmee,” “Yea mom?” “Not too much fun, ok?” My mother joked I laughed the last thing that I heard was her peal of laughter as she hung up the phone I handed Jake his phone back “So pizza and kung fu?” He asked I smiled wanly at him. "Sounds great" We stopped to pick up a pizza and then went back to Jakes house. It was empty, which was odd I fully expected Billy to be there given the fact that my parents probably paid him to babysit us
Where’s your father? I asked him he shrugged, “I thinl that he is at your grandfathers watching the game, he will most likely be in late tonight" he smiled at me coyly, "he owed me a favor". It was starting to get dark out. Jake led me into the living room where he popped the movie on and then he brought us some plates and a couple of drinks I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I literally had devoured half the pizza Jake laughed at me, "next time I will make sure to get two pizzas.” I felt my cheeks flush in embarrassment He looked at me warmly, “I was just teasing you I am glad to see you eating you must be starving. Can I get you anything else?” I put my plate down on the table and wiped my mouth with a napkin and then settled myself on the couch next to him to watch the movie, “just you “ I murmured. I remembered my father’s warning but I didn’t care. I felt so cold and empty. Jake was the only thing in my life that I was sure of. The only thing that was warm, the only thing that was real. I needed to be as close to him as I possibly could. One minute we were holding hands while absent-mindedly watching Bruce Lee. The next thing I knew I was kissing his neck and biting his ear playfully as I whispered his name. He looked over at me and slowly kissed me and then he stopped, “No, Nessie, we can’t.” I climbed onto his lap and started kissing him forcefully while I traced the outline of his broad chest through his shirt. He broke away, and looked at me his luminous brown eyes wide in astonishment, “Renesmee what are you doing,” I looked deeply into his eyes and then smiled wickedly as I brought my mouth back to his. He laughed, “Are you trying to seduce me?” I looked at him mischievously, “is it working?” He gazed at me with such longing that it took my breath away. He looked torn as he paused in deliberation and then grabbed me and pulled me closer. His hands slid across my hips and he was kissing my neck and mouth roughly. Our breathing came out jagged as our lips fervently met. I needed his touch, when he kissed me everything else melted away. All of my problems, everything unpleasant in the world seemed to fade. His hands traveled from my waist to my face, as he laid me down on the couch. He looked into my eyes; and I noticed that his had clouded over, “I can’t do this,” he said, looking away. I stared at him in confusion. “Why not, don’t you want me?” I asked in a tiny voice. I was suddenly unsure of myself. He slowly peeled my arms from his neck and placed them in his hands and pulled me up to a sitting position. “Of course I do, but we can’t; not here, not now. You know that.” I felt tears stinging my eyes and turned away so that he wouldn’t see. He held my chin so that I was facing him as he stared intently at me, “I have made nothing but mistakes all of my life. You are the first good thing that I have going for me. I cannot mess this up. You deserve better than this.” I looked at him upset, “better than what Jake?” He gestured around us, “better than the couch at my father’s house behind your father’s back who might I add will be waiting to kill us both when I bring you home tomorrow.” He looked at me pleadingly, “Ness I am finally starting to gain his trust. Do you understand how hard it is for him to let you go and how important it is for him to know that I will respect you, and keep you safe?” I looked down again and felt the tears on my cheeks for the millionth time today, “Who cares Jake, I am an adult now. It is my decision.” He looked at me sadly, as he wiped my cheek, “No, it is our decision. I want to do this right. I want to wait until after you are my wife; I want it to be special. You are very vulnerable right now you had an extremely rough day and although it may seem like it, this is not going to make it any better, princess.” I looked at him realizing that he was right. “I just can’t help it when I am with you Jake, I can’t control it.” I said quietly as I snuggled up to him. He looked at me and kissed my forehead, “I know, I feel the same way but we have to respect your parent’s wishes.” I looked at him thoughtfully, “When are you going to do it Jake?” He looked at me with an eyebrow raised, “do what?” he asked. “When are you going to ask me to marry you,” I whispered into his ear. His lips drifted to mine, “soon,” he promised between kisses. “I was going to wait until you were done with college,” he confessed. I looked at him in horror, “I’m not leaving now, not with everything that has happened with Sienna and there is no way that I am going to leave you.” He smiled at me forlornly, “You really should go to college, I promise I will be right here waiting.” I shook my head vehemently, “No way am I leaving. I will talk to my parents they weren’t the ones who wanted me to go away in the first place that was all me.” He looked at me a little shocked, “you wanted to leave?” I looked down, “this was before everything started to happen between us. I can’t leave you Jake. I have to be with you. I will go to college locally, but I am not going anywhere that you aren’t.” He kissed me gently and played with my hair which was strewn in every direction. “Well let’s wait until everything is settled with Sienna, and then maybe I will talk to your father.” He said with a smile. “Hopefully tonight will get me some points with him in regards to that,” he muttered. He leaned down and looked at me attentively “but I do promise you that absolutely every single aspect of it will be perfect, you deserve the very best.” With that he kissed me so sweetly that a small sigh escaped from my lips, he pulled back and looked at me, “I love when you do that,” he murmured as he kissed me again this time more urgently. He finally pulled away, “Ok, that’s all I can handle for one night. It is taking every single ounce of self control that I have…,” he whispered. I brought my lips back to his, “Why do you have to be so good,” I groaned. He snickered as he escaped from my grip, “One of us has to be”, he teased as he kissed my nose. He got up and grabbed some blankets and a pillow and placed them on the couch. “Come on, you can have my bed I will sleep out here tonight.” I let him lead me to his room he brought my bag in and set it on the floor. I turned to him and wrapped my arms around his neck standing on my tip toes so that I could reach him, “Jake I love you more than anything, you know that right?” He smiled at me, “I love you too,” and as he kissed me I locked my arms around him not wanting to let go. He stroked my face gently and then kissed my forehead, “Good night Nessie,” he said as he turned away and walked out to the living room. I sighed and then turned around and headed back into his room and got changed and then crawled into the empty bed that I longed to share with him.