I shouldn't think about her, not now..
I know she followed me into the forest when I left her, maybe she got lost. No, leave it! Bella's not stupid, she will survive. It is for her own good that I'm now trying to find Victoria, so she won't meet any vampires in her life anymore. 'Edward, are you OK?' Ofcourse, I could have known Jasper would feel my anxious mood. Since I left I didn't pay enough attention to the thoughts around me. 'Sure, Jasper, I'm fine, don't worry about me.' We were running South, where Alice told us she saw Victoria, but we didn't find her trail yet. 'You're worried about Bella.'It wasn't a question. 'Yes, maybe I should go back to see if she's OK, you know, to see if she's living on without me.'
Jasper sighed. - this is my fault -
'No, Jasper! It could have happened to any of us, we could all have attacked her, whenever she cut herself or whatever! It's not your fault! She's safer this way, even if you hadn't lost your self-control.'
I answered his thoughts.
I smelled Victoria, but this trail wasn't going South. 'Jasper, we have to go back! It's a fake trail!' We turned abrubtly.'Damn' was all Jasper said. I started dialing Alice's number. Carlisle picked up the phone instead. 'Hello?' where was Alice? 'Carlisle, Victoria isn't going South, she's going North-East! And where's Alice?'
It was silent for just a second, but I could hear the hesitation. 'IS somethign wrong?'
'No, Edward, it's just Alice, she's just going to Forks to check on Bella,' I wanted to interrupt, but Carlisle was faster, 'but we know Bella's fine, it's just that she disappears from Alice's vision from time to time, and Alice wants to find out why.' I could feel Jasper's calming power again and I relaxed a little 'Oh, alright, but we're coming back now.'
As soon as I put the phone down, Jasper asked me about Alice. 'Is Alice OK?' He was worried, that was ironic. 'Everything'is fine.'
We ran a long way in silence. It was annoying, to listen to Jasper's thoughts. His thinking of Alice made me think of Bella. If something happened to Bella, it would be my fault. IK was the only one who could keep her safe, but I was the one who had put her in danger as well. I could never live with the thought that Victoria found her. She chased Bella because of me, so I had to stop her. If she just wasn't so fast, she wouldn't have a chance against the seven of us. But she was fast, and clever too. Alice couldn't see her future clearly, because she changed her plans so quickly.
It got harder for me as time kept dragging on not to go back to Bella. She was my life. The only thing I could do now is keeping her safe, but what if Victoria was gone, what if we extinguist her? Then my life would be pointless, for Bella wouldn't be in danger anymore. Ofcourse, Bella would get in other trouble very fast, but if she could live along that without me, I could live with that too. -you shouldn't worry so much.-
'Jasper!' He spoke now, 'No, I mean, it's better for everyone to go somewhere, that doesn't make you think of Bella.' I knew what he meant. Tanya's coven. Maybe I would go there for a while. But I would go to Bella too, to see if she was living on. I would give her some time first, to get over things, but if she hadn't moved on, I could just hope she would forgive me.