I loved her.
As much as I hated her now I had loved her then.
But I had a problem now. The hate was getting in the way of my whole life. It was like this shadow that was always two steps behind me waiting to lash out. I did what I thought would help. Ignored it. And guess what? It just got worse. It got to the point where I was cold to everyone. My friends tiptoed around me or avoided me altogether. My hatred and anger were controling my life. I should have asked for help but I was way to stubborn for that. Why would I need to talk to a shrink? They were for crazy people. So, after a few weeks of my friends avoiding me I realized what I needed to do. I needed to think about it. It would be like rubbing salt in a wound but I had to grin and bear it if I wanted to be happy again.
I started with the toughest thing, figuring that was the way to go. Get the worst over with.
Why hadn't I talked to Lyn?
I could have. Harper did. But why hadn't I?
I had made that decision and stuck to it. Why? Why? Why? Then it hit me like an atom bomb, and I hated the reason. Hated it more than anything. I knew I was so angry that I would say things I would regret later. I still respected her. After she had ripped my life apart why I still had any shred of civility, let alone RESPECT, for this women was beyond me. But at least I had an answer.
That night I kept thinking. Laying in bed, my mind replaying the last few months.Smiles had been few and far between but I ignored it, because that's what you do for people you love. You just pretend that everythings alright, that you didn't just see that look on Dad's face. I had opened a floodgate that I couldn't close. Water just rushed out. That was the first night I let myself breakdown. I cried myself to sleep, but it was okay. I was crying healing tears. As the little drops of emotion hit my pillow, I knew I had begun to heal.