"Irina?" he shouted over the blaring music. I was stunned into silence. "What're you doing here?!" he smiled. I opened my mouth to speak, but then Mateo butted in.
"Dude! What're y-- oh. Hi, Irina," he said unenthusiastically. I waved. Blake looked back at me, still waiting for an answer. I couldn't give him one; what was I going to say? He looked at the drinks spilled all over me.
"Oh, I'm sorry! Did I spill your drinks? Want me to buy you some more coke? Or was it Pepsi?" he offered. Coke? That was better than what I was coming up with.
"Uh, no! It's fine!" I shouted loud enough for him to hear. "It was just... Coke! I'll just go ask for a refill!" I turned and went back to the bar. The bartender kindly offered me some napkins and I dried myself off a little bit before he let me get some more drinks, for free thankfully. Then I went back to Drew, avoiding anyone bumping into me this time.
"Ugh ! What took you so long?!" Drew complained. I handed Laken his drink, and took a sip of mine.
"I'm sorry," I apologized. Laken laughed.
"Have a little accident?" he asked. Drew and Blaine joined him. I kept quiet.
After a couple drinks, I was starting to feel dizzy. Normally I'd just keep drinking, but the bartender refused to give us anymore. I thought that was reasonable, but Drew didn't. He dragged me to the bar, and demanded more beer.
"Hey buddy. You've had too much. Why don't you just go sit down or something?" he said slowly. Drew's grip on my wrist tightened. Everything began to look fuzzy.
"No! Gimme more! She'll pay for it!" he shouted, holding my arm high up in the air like a prize or something. My head spun.
"No! Neither of you is getting any more! Now just go on!" the bartender shouted back. Drew continued to argue with the poor man. I tugged on his shirt.
"Come on..." I said, my words starting to slur; the alcohol slowly taking over me completely. "Let's just go.
"Don't tell me what to do!" he shouted. He pushed me back, and I fell onto the floor, a bunch of feet nearly trampling me. I tried to crawl away, but he grabbed my ankle and pulled me back. I screamed. He pulled me up so that I was standing again. I closed my eyes. Then I felt searing pain from my nose. I felt the instant wetness of blood, and the red hot feeling. I cried out in pain, and my hand reflexively went to my nose. My septum ring was gone, and I almost threw up when I felt that the skin there was hanging loose; Drew ripped the ring out completely. The blood flowed profusely, spilling quickly over my lips, some in my mouth, and down my chin onto the floor and my shirt. I ran away in tears before he could do anything else. I ran back out to the underage area, not knowing what I was doing. My vision blurred in and out. I had to keep in focus. Then I saw Blake, laughing with Mateo. I ran over to him, my hand covering my nose.
"Blake!" I shouted. He looked at me, then his eyes widened.
"Oh my God! What happened?!" he asked. Tears streamed down my face, mixing with the blood.
"Can you please take me home?" I sobbed. He nodded, said goodbye to Mateo, and rushed me out to his truck. I got in, trying to calm myself down.
"Here, lemme see," he said. He moved my hand away from my nose, and he gasped. "Oh my... What happened?!" he asked again.
"It's a long story," I said slowly, trying not to slur my words. I didn't want to explain it because 1. It wasn't his problem 2. I didn't really want anyone to know and 3. I don't think I could manage to get the words out. Blake sighed.
"Well, I can't take you home. You need to go to the ER; that needs stitches." he began driving down the highway. My forehead became sweaty and clammy. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing through my mouth, and not gagging on my blood. I took deep breaths, then I felt a wave of nausea. I pushed my hand against my mouth.
"Bull oher," I said.
"Huh?" Blake asked, trying to look at me, but still paying attention to the road.
"Pull over!" I shouted. He swerved over into the next lane, then pulled over onto the side of the highway. I threw the passenger door open, and jumped out. I made it just in time, puking into the grass rather than Blake's truck. My blood and vomit mixed, making me even more sick. My body convulsed as I puked my guts out, trying to keep my balance. Then I felt arms around me. It was Blake, helping me keep my balance. I vomited for a couple more minutes, then I was sure I was done.
"Thanks," I said, spitting onto the grass. He patted my back.
"You ok?" he asked. I nodded, and tried to stand straight again. He helped me get back in the truck, then went around front to get in the driver's side. "Ok, if you need me to pull over again, just tell me." I nodded.
We drove for another half hour, until we came to the hospital. I was little bit sobered up; hopefully it'd just seem like I was in shock or something. It wasn't very busy, so they were able to take me in right away. I needed four stitches.
"How'd this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Uh... I was... at a party, and my ring got caught on some person's jacket," I said. It was a pretty lame excuse and it made me look like an idiot, but it was better than telling the truth. The doctor gave me an expression that did tell me he thought I was an idiot. Oh well.
"I see... Ok, I need to call your parents." My heart beated faster. Dad would kill me; as far as he knew, I was at home still packing.
"Ok..." I told him a number, and he dialed it into a phone. But it wasn't Dad's phone.
"Hello?" Briar asked. I sat very still; hopefully I'd be able to hear the conversation.
"Um, Hello. This is Dr. Schuyler. Your daughter, Irina is here." There was a long pause.
"Oh my God! She is?! Is she ok?!" I can always count on her to play along.
"Yes, she's fine. She had a septum ring ripped out, and she needed stitches."
"Oh, if that's all... Can I talk to my baby?" I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. The doctor handed me the phone, and stepped out into the hall.
"Hey. Thanks, I owe you one," I whispered. Briar laughed.
"You owe me, like, nine now." I rolled my eyes. "What're you gonna do about the bill?"
"I'm still working on that..." The doctor came in. "Ok, yes, I'm fine. Love you, Mom. Bye!"
"Bu---" I hung up and handed the phone back.
When it came to the bill, I gave them my Dad's credit card number. I'd pay it off later, before he got the credit card bill. I joined Blake back in the waiting room.
"Thanks," I said. He patted my shoulder.
"Ok, let's get you home now," he said. The ride back home was another hour. Finally, we pulled into my driveway. I cringed at the "For Sale" sign in the front yard.
"You're moving?" he asked.
"Hopefully not," I said. There was still a chance the house might not sell. I got out. I didn't notice Blake coming with until I was at the door, unlocking it.
"Do you mind if I come in?" he asked. I shrugged.
"I guess not." We walked in, and I turned on the lights. The house was very quiet. I went and laid down on the couch; my head was killing me. "Make yourself at home," I told Blake. "There's some food and drinks in the fridge." Instead, he came over and sat in the rocking chair. He put his elbows on his legs and looked at me intently.
"Irina..." he said. He seemed to be looking for the right words. "What happened? Can you tell me now?" he asked. I studied him for a while. Could I trust him?
"You promise you won't tell?" I asked. He nodded.
"I promise." I sighed.
"It was my boyfriend.... He got a little wasted tonight, and he ripped it out." He furrowed his eyebrows.
"You have a boyfriend?" he asked.
"Don't act so surprised," I said.
"Sorry," he apologized. "I just didn't know.... He can drink?"
"Not legally," I said, as if it was an obvious fact. Blake was quiet for a moment.
"You were drinking too," he pointed out. I nodded. "Well... I guess that's none of my business... But you should be careful. He could've hurt you if he was that wasted."
"He didn't have to be drunk," I blurted out unthinkingly. My eyes widened at my stupid comment.
"What do you mean?" he asked. The tone of his voice was worried. I swallowed.
"Nothing, it---"
"Irina," he said resolutely. I sighed.
"This isn't the first time something like this has happened," I whispered. He stared at me like he wasn't following me. I sighed, and pulled my sweatshirt off over my head. Underneath I was wearing a black tank top that revealed around my collar bone and my arms. I took a look myself. I wish I hadn't. My arms were still almost completely covered in blue and black bruises, deep red scars, cigarette burns, and fingernail marks. I shuddered at the sight of it. I looked back to Blake, who looked absolutely petrified.
"Stop looking at me like that," I complained uncomfortably. He blinked and shook his head.
"Irina, he does this to you?!" I nodded. His face turned slightly red, then turned back to normal. "My God... We've got to do something!" he said, determined. He stood up. I jumped up, and pushed him back into sitting on the chair. I looked deep into his eyes.
"No! You can't! You promised you wouldn't tell!" I said. The fear of someone else finding out made tears well up in my eyes. He looked at me for a long time. "Please..." I whispered. He sighed.
"Then what am I supposed to do?" he asked helplessly. To be honest, there was nothing anyone could do I think.
"Go home," I instructed. "Go home and pretend this night never happened." After a long while, he got up and went to the door. He stopped in the doorway.
"Irina, I... I'm afraid for you."
"Don't be," I said quickly. "I'll be fine. I'll see you tomorrow at school." I hugged him, and then he left. I closed the door behind him, then sank to the floor, letting all that happened finally sink in.
Everything went black in an instant.
"Dude! What're y-- oh. Hi, Irina," he said unenthusiastically. I waved. Blake looked back at me, still waiting for an answer. I couldn't give him one; what was I going to say? He looked at the drinks spilled all over me.
"Oh, I'm sorry! Did I spill your drinks? Want me to buy you some more coke? Or was it Pepsi?" he offered. Coke? That was better than what I was coming up with.
"Uh, no! It's fine!" I shouted loud enough for him to hear. "It was just... Coke! I'll just go ask for a refill!" I turned and went back to the bar. The bartender kindly offered me some napkins and I dried myself off a little bit before he let me get some more drinks, for free thankfully. Then I went back to Drew, avoiding anyone bumping into me this time.
"Ugh ! What took you so long?!" Drew complained. I handed Laken his drink, and took a sip of mine.
"I'm sorry," I apologized. Laken laughed.
"Have a little accident?" he asked. Drew and Blaine joined him. I kept quiet.
After a couple drinks, I was starting to feel dizzy. Normally I'd just keep drinking, but the bartender refused to give us anymore. I thought that was reasonable, but Drew didn't. He dragged me to the bar, and demanded more beer.
"Hey buddy. You've had too much. Why don't you just go sit down or something?" he said slowly. Drew's grip on my wrist tightened. Everything began to look fuzzy.
"No! Gimme more! She'll pay for it!" he shouted, holding my arm high up in the air like a prize or something. My head spun.
"No! Neither of you is getting any more! Now just go on!" the bartender shouted back. Drew continued to argue with the poor man. I tugged on his shirt.
"Come on..." I said, my words starting to slur; the alcohol slowly taking over me completely. "Let's just go.
"Don't tell me what to do!" he shouted. He pushed me back, and I fell onto the floor, a bunch of feet nearly trampling me. I tried to crawl away, but he grabbed my ankle and pulled me back. I screamed. He pulled me up so that I was standing again. I closed my eyes. Then I felt searing pain from my nose. I felt the instant wetness of blood, and the red hot feeling. I cried out in pain, and my hand reflexively went to my nose. My septum ring was gone, and I almost threw up when I felt that the skin there was hanging loose; Drew ripped the ring out completely. The blood flowed profusely, spilling quickly over my lips, some in my mouth, and down my chin onto the floor and my shirt. I ran away in tears before he could do anything else. I ran back out to the underage area, not knowing what I was doing. My vision blurred in and out. I had to keep in focus. Then I saw Blake, laughing with Mateo. I ran over to him, my hand covering my nose.
"Blake!" I shouted. He looked at me, then his eyes widened.
"Oh my God! What happened?!" he asked. Tears streamed down my face, mixing with the blood.
"Can you please take me home?" I sobbed. He nodded, said goodbye to Mateo, and rushed me out to his truck. I got in, trying to calm myself down.
"Here, lemme see," he said. He moved my hand away from my nose, and he gasped. "Oh my... What happened?!" he asked again.
"It's a long story," I said slowly, trying not to slur my words. I didn't want to explain it because 1. It wasn't his problem 2. I didn't really want anyone to know and 3. I don't think I could manage to get the words out. Blake sighed.
"Well, I can't take you home. You need to go to the ER; that needs stitches." he began driving down the highway. My forehead became sweaty and clammy. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing through my mouth, and not gagging on my blood. I took deep breaths, then I felt a wave of nausea. I pushed my hand against my mouth.
"Bull oher," I said.
"Huh?" Blake asked, trying to look at me, but still paying attention to the road.
"Pull over!" I shouted. He swerved over into the next lane, then pulled over onto the side of the highway. I threw the passenger door open, and jumped out. I made it just in time, puking into the grass rather than Blake's truck. My blood and vomit mixed, making me even more sick. My body convulsed as I puked my guts out, trying to keep my balance. Then I felt arms around me. It was Blake, helping me keep my balance. I vomited for a couple more minutes, then I was sure I was done.
"Thanks," I said, spitting onto the grass. He patted my back.
"You ok?" he asked. I nodded, and tried to stand straight again. He helped me get back in the truck, then went around front to get in the driver's side. "Ok, if you need me to pull over again, just tell me." I nodded.
We drove for another half hour, until we came to the hospital. I was little bit sobered up; hopefully it'd just seem like I was in shock or something. It wasn't very busy, so they were able to take me in right away. I needed four stitches.
"How'd this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Uh... I was... at a party, and my ring got caught on some person's jacket," I said. It was a pretty lame excuse and it made me look like an idiot, but it was better than telling the truth. The doctor gave me an expression that did tell me he thought I was an idiot. Oh well.
"I see... Ok, I need to call your parents." My heart beated faster. Dad would kill me; as far as he knew, I was at home still packing.
"Ok..." I told him a number, and he dialed it into a phone. But it wasn't Dad's phone.
"Hello?" Briar asked. I sat very still; hopefully I'd be able to hear the conversation.
"Um, Hello. This is Dr. Schuyler. Your daughter, Irina is here." There was a long pause.
"Oh my God! She is?! Is she ok?!" I can always count on her to play along.
"Yes, she's fine. She had a septum ring ripped out, and she needed stitches."
"Oh, if that's all... Can I talk to my baby?" I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. The doctor handed me the phone, and stepped out into the hall.
"Hey. Thanks, I owe you one," I whispered. Briar laughed.
"You owe me, like, nine now." I rolled my eyes. "What're you gonna do about the bill?"
"I'm still working on that..." The doctor came in. "Ok, yes, I'm fine. Love you, Mom. Bye!"
"Bu---" I hung up and handed the phone back.
When it came to the bill, I gave them my Dad's credit card number. I'd pay it off later, before he got the credit card bill. I joined Blake back in the waiting room.
"Thanks," I said. He patted my shoulder.
"Ok, let's get you home now," he said. The ride back home was another hour. Finally, we pulled into my driveway. I cringed at the "For Sale" sign in the front yard.
"You're moving?" he asked.
"Hopefully not," I said. There was still a chance the house might not sell. I got out. I didn't notice Blake coming with until I was at the door, unlocking it.
"Do you mind if I come in?" he asked. I shrugged.
"I guess not." We walked in, and I turned on the lights. The house was very quiet. I went and laid down on the couch; my head was killing me. "Make yourself at home," I told Blake. "There's some food and drinks in the fridge." Instead, he came over and sat in the rocking chair. He put his elbows on his legs and looked at me intently.
"Irina..." he said. He seemed to be looking for the right words. "What happened? Can you tell me now?" he asked. I studied him for a while. Could I trust him?
"You promise you won't tell?" I asked. He nodded.
"I promise." I sighed.
"It was my boyfriend.... He got a little wasted tonight, and he ripped it out." He furrowed his eyebrows.
"You have a boyfriend?" he asked.
"Don't act so surprised," I said.
"Sorry," he apologized. "I just didn't know.... He can drink?"
"Not legally," I said, as if it was an obvious fact. Blake was quiet for a moment.
"You were drinking too," he pointed out. I nodded. "Well... I guess that's none of my business... But you should be careful. He could've hurt you if he was that wasted."
"He didn't have to be drunk," I blurted out unthinkingly. My eyes widened at my stupid comment.
"What do you mean?" he asked. The tone of his voice was worried. I swallowed.
"Nothing, it---"
"Irina," he said resolutely. I sighed.
"This isn't the first time something like this has happened," I whispered. He stared at me like he wasn't following me. I sighed, and pulled my sweatshirt off over my head. Underneath I was wearing a black tank top that revealed around my collar bone and my arms. I took a look myself. I wish I hadn't. My arms were still almost completely covered in blue and black bruises, deep red scars, cigarette burns, and fingernail marks. I shuddered at the sight of it. I looked back to Blake, who looked absolutely petrified.
"Stop looking at me like that," I complained uncomfortably. He blinked and shook his head.
"Irina, he does this to you?!" I nodded. His face turned slightly red, then turned back to normal. "My God... We've got to do something!" he said, determined. He stood up. I jumped up, and pushed him back into sitting on the chair. I looked deep into his eyes.
"No! You can't! You promised you wouldn't tell!" I said. The fear of someone else finding out made tears well up in my eyes. He looked at me for a long time. "Please..." I whispered. He sighed.
"Then what am I supposed to do?" he asked helplessly. To be honest, there was nothing anyone could do I think.
"Go home," I instructed. "Go home and pretend this night never happened." After a long while, he got up and went to the door. He stopped in the doorway.
"Irina, I... I'm afraid for you."
"Don't be," I said quickly. "I'll be fine. I'll see you tomorrow at school." I hugged him, and then he left. I closed the door behind him, then sank to the floor, letting all that happened finally sink in.
Everything went black in an instant.
I needed more, more! I threw the book across the dimly lit, wooden attic. The book hit a stack of old newspapers. I tore open yet another book. Nothing would give me my answers.
Why did I feel the need to care for Lucy? Why could I not get Alexander out of my head?
There were pages, and pages of the thought process, but nothing to explain what I felt! Why could no one manage to capture these feelings, and explain them?
A knock on the door interrupted me. “What?” I snapped.
“It is past midnight, Damien. Come to bed,” said Grey through the door.
“I’ll come when I want to. Now, go away!” Could she not understand I was confused, and angry? She possessed such naivety.
“Fine!” Grey yelled. I heard her storm down the steps. Then I heard her bedroom door slam. I let out a puff of air.
Then I threw another book against the wall. I kicked the whole stack of books, and watched as they toppled over. I threw myself onto the floor, and began crying.
Why did I feel the need to care for Lucy? Why could I not get Alexander out of my head?
There were pages, and pages of the thought process, but nothing to explain what I felt! Why could no one manage to capture these feelings, and explain them?
A knock on the door interrupted me. “What?” I snapped.
“It is past midnight, Damien. Come to bed,” said Grey through the door.
“I’ll come when I want to. Now, go away!” Could she not understand I was confused, and angry? She possessed such naivety.
“Fine!” Grey yelled. I heard her storm down the steps. Then I heard her bedroom door slam. I let out a puff of air.
Then I threw another book against the wall. I kicked the whole stack of books, and watched as they toppled over. I threw myself onto the floor, and began crying.
upset
and so many thoughts
circling around
your head,
you try to make
this right,
to find the best way
so you could feel better,
so you could be free.
Pain will never
go away,
it always stays
to remember you
that life is not a dream,
life is unpredictable.
Endless questions,
so many "Why",
but the answer
we will
never find!
The strength within
will not let us crack,
life is unpredictable,
who's to say?
Today you're happy,
and yet
despair waits
stealthily
to engulf you.
But,
you need to be prepared.
Not only bad things
happen to bad people.
Unfortunately,
so many pure,
honored hearts
have been broken for
so many times,
in so many pieces,
and yet
they live,
they live with
their agony,
they live with
their groan,
but they live,
tho their eyes are
always sad,
their hearts are
still softly.
Therefore
they know...
Therefore
they are...
The brightest star
that shines
in the dark,
that spark of hope
for all of us
who deserve better.
When you look at the night sky, what do you see?
In my eyes,
I see the moon as a peaceful spirit,
watching over me.
When you stop and listen to the wind, what do you hear?
In my eyes,
The wind sings to me and tells tales.
When you feel the sun on your back, what do you think?
In my eyes,
The sun reaches out and gives me a warm smile.
When you hear a flowing stream, how does it sound?
In my eyes,
The stream is floating in my heart and soul, drifting on and on.
When you look at me, what do you see?
In my eyes,
I see an average girl who is silently struggling inside.
But that's all in my eyes.
In my eyes,
I see the moon as a peaceful spirit,
watching over me.
When you stop and listen to the wind, what do you hear?
In my eyes,
The wind sings to me and tells tales.
When you feel the sun on your back, what do you think?
In my eyes,
The sun reaches out and gives me a warm smile.
When you hear a flowing stream, how does it sound?
In my eyes,
The stream is floating in my heart and soul, drifting on and on.
When you look at me, what do you see?
In my eyes,
I see an average girl who is silently struggling inside.
But that's all in my eyes.
Its too dark
Too dark to see what is going on
Tripping over the couch
Slamming into the wall
stepping on the remote
It was too dark
The undone dishes
The scattered roses
The broken picture
My broken heart
It was too dark
Believing it would change
That he would change
A Waste
A waste of my time
My Effort
The “No Messages” left on my phone
It was too dark
It was too dark to see what had happened
Too dark to try to fix things
Its just too dark
Someone turn on the light
That light bulb in my head of what Ive done wrong
Its too dark
Too dark to see what is going on
Tripping over the couch
Slamming into the wall
stepping on the remote
It was too dark
The undone dishes
The scattered roses
The broken picture
My broken heart
It was too dark
Believing it would change
That he would change
A Waste
A waste of my time
My Effort
The “No Messages” left on my phone
It was too dark
It was too dark to see what had happened
Too dark to try to fix things
Its just too dark
Someone turn on the light
That light bulb in my head of what Ive done wrong
Its too dark