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Prolouge for my story [repost]

Fan fiction posted over a year ago
Sonic Fan Characters My heart rate was untellable. All I can say is, it was fast. And I don't mean just as if you finished a suspenseful movie or anything like that. My heart was racing as if I just ran 10 heart-throbbing, unforgivable miles.
The man jerked his hand forward, palm up, inches away from my face. But it was fuzzy, considering he was standing on the shattered glass that was my glasses.
"I'm not gonna tell you again," he growled at me angrily, panting between each word, "Give me that BOX. You don't want to know what happens if you don't put it in my hands this very minute!" His voice...
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Never Forget [Chapter 1]

Fan fiction posted over a year ago
Sonic Fan Characters Her eyes twinkled with excitement.
She was looking at a boy that the group found laying on the beach, unconscious and clutching a small chest-thing in his hand. "What do you think he's like?" She asked a boy that was with her. He has the same jet black hair as she, along with the same pale blue eyes. He shook his head doubtfully.
"Hopefully nothing like Lee." Another boy -blond with gray fur, somewhere around 10 to 11, and a scar on his right eye- smacked the other boy upside the head. "Not funny, Zavier." The boy -Lee- remarked.
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Prologue of my story (Critiques please?)

Fan fiction posted over a year ago
Sonic Fan Characters My heart rate was untellable. All I can say is, it was fast. And I don't mean just as if you finished a suspenseful movie or anything like that. My heart was racing as if I just ran 10 heart-throbbing, unforgivable miles.
The man jerked his hand forward, palm up, inches away from my face.
"I'm not gonna tell you again," he growled at me angrily, panting between each word, "Give, me, that, BOX. You don't want to know what happens if you don't put it in my hands this very minute!" His voice raised louder, word-by-word, until he was shouting, his thick spit splashing onto my face. I...
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