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The Anti-Troll Squad Of Fanpop
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The Perfect Paradigm of Parody: Imitating the Internet Troll
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This joke is at its best when performed in the presence of a troll. It confuses them and they cock their heads and look at you funny, wondering if they're staring in the mirror or not. Like I've said before somewhere, trolls have IQs in the negative to go with their negative personality. Ironically, that's one of the things that makes them impossible to win against in a "debate." Considering the fact that logic and reason are ideas that are alien to them, when you try to argue with them all it does is go right over their heads. In short, it's no use, but if you're part of the A.T.S.O.F, I assume you know that by now. It's for this reason-- and not just for the sake of humor-- that I encourage you to imitate the troll. Be Jane Goodall with the chimps, or that guy who went out and acted like a wolf for a while this year. Study them. Take notes. Mimic them, so they don't know you are foreign and accept you. They aren't quick enough to deduce that you're different from them. If you talk troll, you are troll, at least to them. In the immortal words of Gred and Forge, "Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt." Now, I'm not suggesting any of you go out there on your own and start trolling! No, no, no, you have to imitate not emulate. A good way to go about this is to find a herd of trolls preying on an innocent spot and pounce in. Bow to the Alpha-Troll's superiority in order to be assimilated into the pack. But alert those with an IQ in the double digits or higher that you are imitating with clever passive aggression. These subtle insults go in one ear and out the other, considering there's nothing in the middle to impede the journey. However, the victims of trolls ought to recognize it as a sign of humanity among beasts. For example (and I am paraphrasing since the pick was deleted), conversing with the troll we shall call "AlphaTroll" on leuron's spot for his story: AlphaTroll: "A Monogoloid brain damaged caveman baby could have written better than this." (Note: Trolls tend to like to use words they don't understand to make them sound clever. That wasn't the exact insult he used, but it is close enough for our purposes. We must capitalize on this, and please the Alpha Troll). Response: "HA! Mongoloid caveman baby, oh AlphaTroll, that was great! Props for creativity! Although next time you may want to use smaller words so the plebeians such as myself can understand. I have a very, very thick skull." (The troll is often confused by the mixed compliment and grins stupidly. He speaks again later, in response to others.) AlphaTroll: "Don't try to silence me, I'm just expressing my opinions! If you try, I'll just come back and shout louder! I'm just trying to do you guys a favor by educating you on what good writing is." (Note: this is a troll with a superiority complex. This means it is important to keep feeding his ego." Response: "I, for one, would never dream of silencing you! It's always refreshing to have such unique viewpoints on important things like this. And thank you so much for taking time out of what must be a very busy day to come educate us on good writing, as of course we are brainless sheep who wouldn't know Hemingway from Salinger if folks like you didn't come and set us straight! Forshame on anyone on the Internet who would dare to post anything less than the greats, after all!" There are, of course, plenty of valid ways to deal with trolls efficiently. Ignore them, report them, or engage in conversation with them while keeping a calm way. I find the most amusing way to deal with them, though, is through mockery. But no matter how you deal with a troll, whether it be through mockery and imitation or some other way, the number one rule when dealing with trolls is Don't Get Mad! It's exactly what they want. You'll be letting the terrorists win! And we don't want to give GWB any more excuses to invade any more countries. So please, keep a cool head, and most of all, learn how to have fun with trolls, rather than just getting frustrated with them. |
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