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Opinion by
hm94991
posted
10 months ago
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Through 70 years of publication, Batman has braved many adventures that push the limits of the imagination.
These are the stupid ones.
(Side note: This article has been rated pg13, and should not be read by anyone younger.) Enjoy. :)
#20.
Detective Comics: 241
This is what happens when Batman is written by Liberace.
Also, Robin can call it red all he wants, but according to our Crayola box set, Batman's costume is actually pretty-princess-pink.
#19.
Batman: 48
"And that concludes our presentation of the Batcave. Any questions? Yes, you the kid in the back."
"So your bat-cave is right under Bruce Wayne's house?"
"You betcha!"
"And the only entrance is through a staircase connected to Bruce Wayne's house, right?"
"Right again!"
"So...so you are Bruce Wayne, then?"
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As you all know, Marvel has sold itself out to Disney for 4 billion dollars. It was a glorious day for Stan Lee. Finally, he was able to receive a huge sum of money for his association with Marvel without having to...sue Marvel. DC liked the idea too! And so now, Michael Eisner's plans for the Batman franchise.
1. Lucious Fox will no longer be wearing a suit and tie, but suspenders and bare feet. He will also go without hygiene, and always pray Christian Bale for forgiveness for simply standing too close to him while a white man's thinking. He'll also have physic powers.
2. It won't be called Dark Knight anymore but "Hero Havoc!" or "Batty for Batman". And the sequel will be "Batty for Batman Too!"
3. There will be ironic comedic music throughout.
4. The Riddler will not only sing, but lip-synch.
5. The poorest person in the film will be just as poor as he was in the beginning.
6. Commissioner Gordon will walk around with a lunchbox that reads,"POLICE COMMISSIONER".
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Opinion by
arrowone
posted
10 months ago
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Symbiote: Hi I'm a Marvel
Lucius Fox: And I'm a DC. Rumor was, Mr. Symbiote, you made an appearence in a publishing product of any form after the year 1839 but...isn't that racist?
Symbiote: RACIST?!!! RACIST?!!! BLACK GOOP SO I'M RACIST?!
Lucius (smiling): Mister Symbiote, what do you do to Spiderman when you land on him? You become what north Boston New Yorker subscribers characertize as the difference between the white man and the "negro".
1. yeah dawg I'll pay my rent, on the first of Fix-My-Door-Sucka.
2. every women, baby. What's up sweet thaaaang
3. 4 times the athletic ability
4. Saves no one
5. And then you don't bother to correct this disparity for the audience who are all naturally expecting the black goop to make him a jerk and a jerk specifically. Did you know that most of your female moviegoing fans still don't know TO THIS DAY that that character's name is Venom? Bring everyone in and then all your plots just wink and nodding to 5% of the audience? Nobody moves during the singing of the school song, Darnell!
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