Opinion by 
greedo
posted
2 years ago
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Ariel would've rated much higher but for her fins...
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So it's the day after the long Thanksgiving weekend and I'm sitting at my desk at work thinking "Oh man, I wish I was still on vacation" when I hear two of my coworkers discussing Disney women. Or, more specifically, discussing which Disney cartoon female is the hottest of them all:
Coworker 1: What about Jasmine? She's hot!
Coworker 2: Yeah, but her nose was kind of on the big side, no?
Coworker 1: Maybe. What about Ariel?
Coworker 2: Mmm...isn't she underage?
Coworker 1: The Hunchback chick!
Coworker 2: Esmeralda? Mmm...yeah, she does this saucy dance in the movie...
Coworker 1: Yeah. That was hot.
And that got me thinking, "you know, there are a lot of hot animated Disney babes! Surely someone has made a list of them!". But alas, there was no list to be found on the internets. So yours truly decided to spin some precious cycles trying to crunch the numbers and come up with a list of the finest Disney women of all-time. The only real requirements for consideration:
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More emails...
Men Are Just Happier People
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress - $5000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional, well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
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From another email I got.
Guys: Enjoy!
New Evening Classes for Women
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
13. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
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