Melchett: Grey, I suspect, your Majesty.
Queen Elizabeth: I think you'll find they were orange, Lord Melchett.
Melchett: Grey is more usual, Ma'am.
Queen Elizabeth: Who's Queen?
Melchett: As you say, Majesty. There were these magnificent orange elephants...
[Blackadder is writing a letter to Amy, as dictated by the Prince.]
Prince George: Tally ho, my fine, saucy young trollop. Your luck's in. Trip along here with all your cash and some naughty night attire, and you'll be staring at my bedroom ceiling from now till Christmas, you lucky tart. Yours with the deepest respect etc. Signed George. PS Woof, woof!
Blackadder: Ah, yes your highness...if I may change one small aspect?
Prince George: What?
Blackadder: The words?
Blackadder: I smell something fishy, and I'm not talking about the contents of Baldrick's apple crumble.
Blackadder: Baldrick, I would like to say how much I will miss your honest, friendly companionship.
Baldrick: Thank you Mr. B.
Blackadder: But, as we both know, it would be an utter lie. I will therefore confine myself to saying simply sod off, and if I ever meet you again, it will be twenty billion years too soon.
Blackadder: This is a crisis, a large crisis. In fact, if you've got a moment, it's a twelve-storey crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeted throughout; twenty-four hour porterage and an enormous sign on the roof saying 'This is a Large Crisis'.
Baldrick: Oh no, I hate hostipals! My grandad went into one, and when he came out he was dead!
Blackadder: He was also dead when he went in, Baldrick. He'd been run over by a traction engine.
Blackadder: The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil's own satanic herd!
George: You know what would cheer you up? A Charlie Chaplain film! Oh I love old chappers, don't you cap?
Blackadder: Unfortunately no, I don't. I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and then discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.
Blackadder: Doesn't anyone know? We hate the French! We fight wars against them! Did all those men die in vain on the field of Agincourt? Was the man who burnt Joan of Arc simply wasting good matches?
Baldrick: But then I'll go to hell for ever for stealing!
Blackadder: Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub, and all his hellish instruments of death, will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil
Queen Elizabeth: And me, did you miss me, Edmund?
Blackadder: Madam, life without you was like a broken pencil.
Queen Elizabeth: Explain?
Blackadder: Pointless.
Percy: Fashion today is towards the tiny.
Blackadder: Well in that case Percy, you have the most fashionable brain in London.
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blackadder:this is called adding.if i had 2 beans,then add 2 more beans,what do i have?
baldrick:some beans!
blackadder:yes.and no.lets try again shall we?i have 2 beans,then i add 2 more beans.what does that make?
baldrick:a very small casserole!
blackadder:baldrick,the ape creatures of the indus mastered this.now try again.one,two,three,four!so how many are there?
baldrick:three...and that one.
blackadder:three,and that one?so if i add that one to the three what will i have?!
baldrick:oh!!!...some beans.
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