Let me state first for the record that this is a horrible idea. Remake Rocky Horror Picture Show?! You might as well redo Seven Year Itch or Psycho (hang on....).
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Norman Bates Face-Off: 1960 vs. 1998
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But the moment I realized that this is out of my hands and that MTV will do whatever the hell they want and make this regrettable remake, the only silver lining I can find is to make my own ideal cast of the hot & new that might possibly save this Titanic.
And now for my ideal cast for a least-than-ideal situation:
Russell Brand as Dr. Frank-N-Furter
This has been the only 'official' casting that I have heard float around and it actually made me nod my head thoughtfully, in slight approval. I don't know whether he can sing but if he's comfortable in fishnet tights and stilettos, Brand's got the gig.
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"So come up to the lab and see what's on the slab. I see you shiver with antici..."
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Kristen Bell as Janet
I actually saw Kristen Bell first in her role of the ingenue-turned-sex kitten Mary Sunshine in "Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical". She was a good girl...until she turns bad with the help of reefer. Take out "reefer" and replace with "Frank-N-Furter" and you've got Janet! She's already got her own bra and slip for her costume.
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If only we were amongst friends... or sane persons!
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Neil Patrick Harris as Brad
Kinda geeky? Check. Singing voice? Who knew? But with the break-away web success of Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog, Harris has become a perfect candidate for Brad. I cannot take credit for this idea however. 'Twas suggested by a customer in line who commented on my Rocky Horror shirt one day.
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Great Scott!
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James Marster as Riff Raff
Better known as Spike, James Marster has a great singing voice to accompany his acting skills, known to all who watched the Buffy musical episode. Billy Idol to Riff Raff, James Marster already knows the power of bleach to one's hair.
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It's astounding, time is fleeting, madness takes its toll.
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Rosario Dawson as Magenta
A small role in terms of singing, but certainly full of presence. Rosario has proved herself in the singing world through RENT and she's one tough & sexy cookie, just like Magenta. She'd have to make sure to perm out her hair though.
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You're lucky. He's lucky. I'm lucky! WE'RE ALL LUCKY!
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Juliette Lewis as Columbia
If you haven't heard Juliette Lewis sing with her band Juliette Lewis and the Licks, you should definitely check that CD out. She's got rock-n-roll down pat, and she's wonderfully-crazy enough to play Columbia. Just teach her to tap-dance and give her a gold hat, and she'll steal the scene.
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Everybody shoved him, I very nearly loved him I said, hey listen to me stay sane inside insanity, but he locked the door and threw away the key.
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Jack Black as Eddie
I'm not quite satisfied with this casting. After all, even though Eddie is one large fellow, he still exudes sex. And Jack Black is not sexy. Sorry, not at all. But he is crazy and full of rock-n-roll vigor. Too bad we don't have that many larger actors any more -- and they better not put any actors in a fat suit for the role.
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Hot patootie, bless my soul! I really love that rock n' roll!
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James Lipton as Dr. Scott
This one is easy to cast. Take any older guy, stick a mustache on him and place him in a wheelchair and you've got Dr. Scott. Who cares if Lipton can sing or not. He can just ask questions of all the cast during their break and then host a "Inside the Actor's Studio" with the entire cast.
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We've got to get out of this trap! Before this... decadence... saps our wills.
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Chace Crawford as Rocky
Here's another quick & easy casting. Any tow-haired, chiseled-chest young man could stand in. So how about Chace Crawford? Or anyone else like him, if any of you have different suggestions.
James Earl Jones as the Narrator/Criminologist
Just listen to that voice! 'Nuff said.
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I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey.
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And so, despite my continued resistance to a Rocky Horror Picture Show remake, here would be my ideal cast for said show. Let me know if you have any different and brilliant suggestions for casting. We might as well...it's not like MTV would ever listen to the fans in order to preserve this treasured cult classic.
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Its still blasphemous to remake it though...
=D Russell Brand as Dr. Frank-N-Furter And Chace Crawford as Rocky Im (Sigh....Fangirl is coming out)
Im There already there . . . Roll up the curtain
Is this true?
wait.... Chace is not doing it (Sigh)
Unfortuantely, I don't really know the other actors/actresses that well or at all, so I can't comment.
So anyway, great article! Thanks for writing it despite the resistance!
Edit: I'm intrigued by your use of "chisel" and "chest" together in a positive sense. I've always heard it used derogatively before.
As for your cast: I like it! I did a list of people I would cast as well, and I also casted NPH and Brad ;)
I actually had KBell in mind for Columbia: tiny, cheeky... but Janet works as well, I guess (I had Kristen Chenoweth for that one).
James Marsters... interesting, I couldn't think of anyone for Riff Raff, but James Marsters might still be too sexy.
Great job on the casting!
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