hello everyone! this is a collection of haikus i wrote for a creative writing class awhile ago that i've been thinking of reworking, so i thought i'd get some feedback. let me know what you think :)
on winter mornings
we wake to cold sharp scent of
freshly fallen snow
sunlight glints through trees
no heady summer breeze just
cool and crisp and clean
we dance through the white
(the mist parting like a veil)
snow stained with laughter
reaching for your warmth
i smile at you and wonder
how you smell in spring
i really love the second and the third one as the flow and rhythm of them sounds so much sharper! where as the first and particularly the last one they sound like you've missed words to fit them in like although it sill makes sense it sounds like it should say "smell in the spring" you know?
i do really love the simple snapshot imagery though!
I'm not so great with haikus so I'm not going to say anything. But bravo! As far as I can tell, they're great. It's hard to edit haikus. Harder than sonnets. Because their structure is much more rigid.
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it makes me picture a perfect white christmas!
i do really love the simple snapshot imagery though!
I'm not so great with haikus so I'm not going to say anything. But bravo! As far as I can tell, they're great. It's hard to edit haikus. Harder than sonnets. Because their structure is much more rigid.
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