so, here are a couple more old poems i dug up and decided to post. the first is one that came out of a period of intense creativity (ah if only i had the time nowadays). the second was a creative writing assignment that i never got around to finishing, so i apologize if the end is a bit abrupt. once again, any feedback is greatly appreciated :).
stargazing
i dream in broad daylight
of an old front porch swing
where i sit cradling my guitar
singing you a song
while your paintbrush splashes sunbeams
across my upturned face
paint drips
in rainbow rivulets
down your sun-kissed skin
your eyes are filled with laughter
and i'm a symphony of smiles
your body is a constellation
and every star is mine
see you and me
we're painting poetry
one canvas
at a time
untitled
the other day you called me
to tell me you're in love
with a woman equally willing
to compromise her integrity
you say she loves you back
but i can see she only loves
the way you make her feel
and its not going to be pretty
when you factor yourself into the deal
now you hide in the darkness
from people who might see your light
and you cling to each other
with all your might
I loved the first one. Bright imagery and metaphors. I don't really have much to say about it to help you critique it.
The second one contrasts it greatly. Full of abstracts, and the cliche at the end (darkness versus light). Not that this is necessarily a bad thing. Interesting topic, I liked it. My forte is short stories, so when it comes to poems I feel very shaky because you can take a lot more liberties with poetry and it can still be effective. As my poetry teacher says, "It's not about shoulds and shouldn'ts, it's about cans."
Trolls suck because these poems are awesome! I especially like the verse about painting poetry in your first poem. That's so... oh hell, poetic! :D Don't let the trolls bring you down.
Join this Spot
Invite friend 
I loved the first one. Bright imagery and metaphors. I don't really have much to say about it to help you critique it.
The second one contrasts it greatly. Full of abstracts, and the cliche at the end (darkness versus light). Not that this is necessarily a bad thing. Interesting topic, I liked it. My forte is short stories, so when it comes to poems I feel very shaky because you can take a lot more liberties with poetry and it can still be effective. As my poetry teacher says, "It's not about shoulds and shouldn'ts, it's about cans."
Um... I don't have much else to say.
damn trolls :(
trolls suck.
man, reading that poem makes me soooo nostalgic. le sigh.
Sign In or join Fanpop to add your comment