I know most of the funny ones are from Topher but its not just best funny lines, its best anything lines =P Personally, I think this is one of my faves.
You see someone running incredibly fast - The first thing you gotta ask is 'Are they running to something or are they running from something?' The answer is always both.
Topher: You know what I like? Brown sauce. What's it made of? Science doesn't know!
Adelle: It's made of Brown.
Topher: Brown. Mined from the earth by the hard-scrabble Brown miners of North Brownderton.
That was one of my favourite exchanges in the episode, not as funny as Adelle on the trampoline saying 'say hi from me' while Topher's on the phone, but still funny.
AAAaaaah, you guys set a sleeper active on me! The third flower is yellow November YELLOW!
Phew, escaped.
Echo: [Referring the hard drive with Caroline's personality] I said shoot it! I don't care!
Alpha: Yeah. Well, maybe she will!
Echo: She won't know. She's me! And we're both coming to get you
I loved that 'and we're both coming to get you' it's a little, I don't know...camp, but I still loved that line.
Victor: I did something bad.
Echo: what did you do?
Victor: Nobody will tell me
Dr. Claire: Victor, what happened?!
Victor: there were people fight on me.
Tango: I like Pancakes.
Victor: we're all gonna die.
Victor: maybe these are clothes from our former life. [takes out sex clothes] Or Not, lets go. now.
Sierra: who are those guys!
Victor: probably Nolan's guys
Sierra: what do they want!?
Victor: to take us back probably--[Gets shot at] or kill us.
Victor: Okay who else wants to put the alien guy back in the box?
-----
and Topher is amazing
Topher: I prefer man reactions
Echo: Everyone's unhappy today.
Topher Brink: Somebody put her tiny little thinking cap on!
Echo: He was mean to you. Were you not your best?
Topher Brink: If it hadn't been for me, there'd still be a security breach. You'd think the security head would recognize that! Typical middle management hack. He's mad at me for not discovering it before it happened, but I'm not a counterintelligence agent, so I can't catch a spy. And you have no idea what I'm talking about.
Echo: I can help you.
Topher Brink: Why would you want to?
Echo: Why wouldn't I?
Topher Brink: Did I just lose an argument to a doll? Okay, thanks, but you can't help.
Echo: You make people different. [Sits in imprint chair] You can make me help.
Topher: I know it doesn't tell you anything, it doesn't tell me anything! And I'm the smartest person in this room! [Looks at Adelle] But less scary.
Ballard: So this is it. This is where you steal their souls.
Topher: Yeah, and then we put them in a glass jar next to our fireflies. Why is there a tall, burly, judgmental man in my imprint room besides him? [points to Boyd]
----
and Alpha was hilarious at first, until he hurt my baby's face..so I'll add in my favorites from him:
Alpha/Stephen Kepler: [standing in front of several marijuana plants] Carrots! Medicinal carrots! Personal use medicinal carrots that were here when I moved in! I'm holding it for a friend!
Alpha/Stephen Kepler: [after watching Ballard stun Topher] What the hell was that?! Was that some kind of joy buzzer stun gun? I mean, officially I deplore violence, but that was totally worth the loss of karma points!
Alpha/Stephen Kepler: Would you look at this place? I mean, first of all feng shui up the yin yang, also I designed parts of it but I did not design the stone cold foxes in the small clothes and the ample massage facilities. I mean, don't get me wrong, I heart my porn, but this is cool!
Paul Ballard: This is a bad place.
Alpha/Stephen Kepler: Bad people, maybe. Good place.
Alpha/Stephen Kepler: The stairs lack risers!
Paul Ballard: What?
Stephen Kepler: The vertical part that makes the back of each stair is called a riser.
Paul Ballard: I know what they are!
Stephen Kepler: No, no, wait! Please. Sometimes when I go on stairs that don't have risers I get this feeling, this awful sensation, that's somethings going reach out and grab my ankle, like a claw or a tentacle!
Paul Ballard: This is life or death!
Stephen Kepler: It could be a hand! An ordinary hand!
Alpha's handler: Just... watch your step.
Alpha: I'll do that. [walks while watching feet until Alpha's handler is out of sight]
---
paraphrased Alpha: (angry voice) "We're not bluffing." "We're not bluffing" (meek voice) "I'm bluffing." (angry voice) "The rest of us aren't bluffing."
Alpha/Stephen Kepler: What the hell was that?! Was that some kind of joy buzzer stun gun? I mean, officially I deplore violence, but that was totally worth the loss of karma points!
Man with wife on street: Hey, everyone's got their fantasies, right? A gut wants to know what it's like, you know, to be with another man. Just once, nothing queeny. Two guys checking it out, and then the other one forgets. That could be sweet for some guys.
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Topher-They're a little bit bison!
Adelle: It's made of Brown.
Topher: Brown. Mined from the earth by the hard-scrabble Brown miners of North Brownderton.
That was one of my favourite exchanges in the episode, not as funny as Adelle on the trampoline saying 'say hi from me' while Topher's on the phone, but still funny.
I loved Victor when he said:
Victor-People were fighting on me.
He was so innocent and cute about it!
Phew, escaped.
Echo: [Referring the hard drive with Caroline's personality] I said shoot it! I don't care!
Alpha: Yeah. Well, maybe she will!
Echo: She won't know. She's me! And we're both coming to get you
I loved that 'and we're both coming to get you' it's a little, I don't know...camp, but I still loved that line.
You can fire me but bitch, don't htink you can take me!
Victor: I did something bad.
Echo: what did you do?
Victor: Nobody will tell me
Dr. Claire: Victor, what happened?!
Victor: there were people fight on me.
Tango: I like Pancakes.
Victor: we're all gonna die.
Victor: maybe these are clothes from our former life. [takes out sex clothes] Or Not, lets go. now.
Sierra: who are those guys!
Victor: probably Nolan's guys
Sierra: what do they want!?
Victor: to take us back probably--[Gets shot at] or kill us.
Victor: Okay who else wants to put the alien guy back in the box?
-----
and Topher is amazing
Topher: I prefer man reactions
Echo: Everyone's unhappy today.
Topher Brink: Somebody put her tiny little thinking cap on!
Echo: He was mean to you. Were you not your best?
Topher Brink: If it hadn't been for me, there'd still be a security breach. You'd think the security head would recognize that! Typical middle management hack. He's mad at me for not discovering it before it happened, but I'm not a counterintelligence agent, so I can't catch a spy. And you have no idea what I'm talking about.
Echo: I can help you.
Topher Brink: Why would you want to?
Echo: Why wouldn't I?
Topher Brink: Did I just lose an argument to a doll? Okay, thanks, but you can't help.
Echo: You make people different. [Sits in imprint chair] You can make me help.
Topher: I know it doesn't tell you anything, it doesn't tell me anything! And I'm the smartest person in this room! [Looks at Adelle] But less scary.
Ballard: So this is it. This is where you steal their souls.
Topher: Yeah, and then we put them in a glass jar next to our fireflies. Why is there a tall, burly, judgmental man in my imprint room besides him? [points to Boyd]
----
and Alpha was hilarious at first, until he hurt my baby's face..so I'll add in my favorites from him:
Alpha/Stephen Kepler: [standing in front of several marijuana plants] Carrots! Medicinal carrots! Personal use medicinal carrots that were here when I moved in! I'm holding it for a friend!
Alpha/Stephen Kepler: [after watching Ballard stun Topher] What the hell was that?! Was that some kind of joy buzzer stun gun? I mean, officially I deplore violence, but that was totally worth the loss of karma points!
Alpha/Stephen Kepler: Would you look at this place? I mean, first of all feng shui up the yin yang, also I designed parts of it but I did not design the stone cold foxes in the small clothes and the ample massage facilities. I mean, don't get me wrong, I heart my porn, but this is cool!
Paul Ballard: This is a bad place.
Alpha/Stephen Kepler: Bad people, maybe. Good place.
Alpha/Stephen Kepler: The stairs lack risers!
Paul Ballard: What?
Stephen Kepler: The vertical part that makes the back of each stair is called a riser.
Paul Ballard: I know what they are!
Stephen Kepler: No, no, wait! Please. Sometimes when I go on stairs that don't have risers I get this feeling, this awful sensation, that's somethings going reach out and grab my ankle, like a claw or a tentacle!
Paul Ballard: This is life or death!
Stephen Kepler: It could be a hand! An ordinary hand!
Alpha's handler: Just... watch your step.
Alpha: I'll do that. [walks while watching feet until Alpha's handler is out of sight]
---
whoa. that's a lot of qoutes sorry :(
Aww... I love this quote! It's genius!
(i only posted this for the wife's reaction)
"Well, it's Paul Ballard. Special agent in charge of bugger-all"
Priya: That's him. What's his name?
Topher: Victor.
Priya: I love him. Is that real?
Topher: Yes. Yes, it's real. He loves you back.
"I don't want to use the word genius, but I'd be okay if you wanted to." -Topher in Instinct
-and-
"One of my imprints was an eagle scout, another a sailor... there's a dirty joke in there somewhere." - Alpha
(Both from A Love Supreme)