he sparkles
he never ages
he dazzling
he doesn't see how spectacular he is
he's inexperienced
he's a chivalrous
he's like a personal air conditioner
he smells good
he's a vegetarian
his eyes are only for Bella
his crooked smile
his dedication
he's witty
he is charming
he's protective
he's selfless
he knows what really caused WWI (vampires of course)
he's creative
he's sensitive, yet can't shed a tear
he is very bullet-proof
he could kill incredible hulk
he has impeccable fashion taste
his bronze hair
his UNTIDY bronze hair
his topaz eyes
he can quote Shakespeare at the snap of a finger
his velvety voice
his sense of protection when you're near him
he can smell blood(and werewolves)
he can literally sweep you off your feet(without dropping you)
he will do anything for Bella
he can tell you more about the past than any grandfather
he's been to high school more times than Lauren Mallory can count to
he can read your mind
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1.) he sparkles - Wow. Want a gay sparkling man? Here's Edward for you!
2.) he never ages - Oh gosh... Now realize, you are in love with an old man! He's a rapist for all you know.
3.) he dazzling - Oh yes, he's soooooo dazzling. Just now I can imagine him, ripping that mountain lion to shreds. How dazzling of him! <3
4.) he doesn't see how spectacular he is - Exactly, he does not realize that he is "soooooo" spectacular *cough*BECAUSE HE'S NOT*cough* He absolutely does not realize that.
5.) he's inexperienced - At what?! At sex? Of course! I bet his dick is the size of a baby carrot! (That's probably why he can fit into Bella) XD
6.) he's a chivalrous - AHAHAHA THAT ONE JUST CRACKS ME UP - DON'T MAKE ME START
7.) he's like a personal air conditioner - Oh yes, buy your new improved Edward scented air conditioner! It smells like a vampire who hasn't showered since mortality!
8.) He smells good - I bet you just have a cold then...
9.) he's a vegetarian - HE FREAKING EATS MOUNTAIN LIONS FOR HIS DIET YOU CALL THAT VEGETARIAN?
10.) his eyes are only for Bella - Yes, and that's exactly why you want him *rolls eyes* if his eyes are only for Bella then why are there so many young teenage girls who believe Edward will be with them one day?
11.) his crooked smile - What? He can't keep his mouth straight just like his sexuality?
12.) his dedication - To what? Dealing with being a vampire? Or dealing with that annoying little animal called Bella?
13.) he's witty - Edward? Witty? I think you mistaken him for Jacob. Retard...
14.) he is charming - OH YES THE WAY HE JUST GLARED AT BELLA WITH THOSE RED BEAUTIFUL SMOLDERING EYES JUST TOOK MY BREATH AWAY!!! Yeah... Right.
15.) he's protective - A little too protective, even the fangirl's can't argue with that.
16.) he's selfless - To the point of stupidity, yeah.
17.) he knows what really caused WWI (vampires of course) - YES BECAUSE VAMPIRES CAUSED WORLD WAR ONE *NODS IN AGREEMENT* *cough* And anyways, when you shallow girls go looking for dates on E-Harmony, you'll look for the guys who have studied up on WWI, correct?
18.) he's creative - He found Bella, you couldn't possible call that creative.
19.) he's sensitive, yet can't shed a tear - HECK YES HE'S AS SENSITIVE AS A GIRL WITH PMS!!!
20.) he is very bullet-proof - OH YES THAT'S HOTTTTTT I love my men bullet proof XD
21.) he could kill incredible hulk - Now when was incredible hulk entered into the 'Twilight' series? I don't recall reading about that...
22.) he has impeccable fashion taste - You don't even know what he wears!
23.) his bronze hair - Most likely a wig; who has bronze hair?!
24.) his UNTIDY bronze hair - untidy hair isn't what pays the bills...
25.) his topaz eyes - Gary-Stu much?
26.) he can quote Shakespeare at the snap of a finger - Obviously because Edward has nothing better to do with his time than memorize Shakespeare and pretend to love Bella.
27.) his velvety voice - Why? 'Cause you can 'feel' his soft 'velvety' voice?
28.) his sense of protection when you're near him - Didn't you already list this?
29.) he can smell blood(and werewolves)- I'D LOVEEE TO HAVE THE SCENT OF BLOOD CLOGGING MY NOSE EVERY SECOND!
30.) he can literally sweep you off your feet(without dropping you) - Almost all guys can do that; it doesn't make Edward any more 'special.'
31.) he will do anything for Bella - So would Jacob, Mike Newton, and basically all the other desperate guys in that series. (including Billy Black)
32.) he can tell you more about the past than any grandfather - SO CAN SCHOOL
33.) he's been to high school more times than Lauren Mallory can count to - WHICH AGAIN, PROVES MY POINT THAT HE HAS NOT LIFE!
34.) he can read your mind - Why would I want him to do that? o_o (and if he could read Bella's mind he would be disturbed by how horny she is) But it is pretty obvious, even EDWARD can tell.
In conclusion, you are fangirling over a gay, old man, who is dead, and an absolute Gary-Stu.
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