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The Bug Man from CSI Las Vegas
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Grissom Quotes
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Gil Grissom: There is always a clue.
Gil Grissom: I just got a page from James Watson. Nick Stokes: And I got one from Francis Crick. What's going on, Greg? Greg Sanders: Well, as you both know, Watson and Crick are the granddaddies of DNA. Without their discoveries, I'd have nothing to do all day. Nick Stokes: What have you been doing all day? Gil Grissom: Where's your enthusiasm? Greg Sanders: Whenever I find a match in here, my world gets a little smaller. Out there I felt large. Gil Grissom: Out there means a pay cut. Greg Sanders: I'm not about the money. Gil Grissom: I can't tell whether he's brilliant or nuts. Captain Jim Brass: Sound familiar? Gil Grissom: It was in the days of public hangings that people first noticed that men would get erections and sometimes even ejaculate. They called it "The Killer Orgasm." [after telling Grissom something that Grissom already knows] Greg Sanders: I guess I should stop trying to impress you. Gil Grissom: That would impress me. [Grissom admits to a mistake] Gil Grissom: What? Nick Stokes: Well, it's just that most people don't admit to being wrong. Gil Grissom: I'm wrong all the time. It's how I get to "right". Gil Grissom: He's wearing a wig... and a fat suit. Is it Samhain? Catherine Willows: In this town, it's always Samhain. Catherine Willows: Never doubt. Never look back. That's how I live my life. Gil Grissom: I admire that. Dr. Al Robbins: I'll know more later. Gil Grissom: You always tell me that. Dr. Al Robbins: Yes, I do. Gil Grissom: Are we paying you by the word? Gil Grissom: Ok, we're going off the board tonight. Sara Sidle: Off the board? Catherine Willows: Fish. The ones that got away. Sara Sidle: Oh. I missed that one. [Sara storms in, obviously angry] Sara Sidle: You weren't in your office. Gil Grissom: And good morning to you too, Miss Sidle. Gil Grissom: Sometimes I can be a little thoughtless. Catherine Willows: I wouldn't say that. Not just any guy would walk a girl to the morgue. Catherine Willows: We're mid-case. Why do we have to do this now? Gil Grissom: Well, unless I get these evaluations in, I'll be written up. Catherine Willows: My goals... all right, for starters, I'd like two consecutive nights off. I would like to cut my triples down to 10 instead of the usual 20, and I would love to find a reliable babysitter so I could have myself some kind of a personal life. Gil Grissom: You don't have a personal life? Catherine Willows: Write this down: I haven't had sex in six - no, seven months. Gil Grissom: How can I help? [Her eyes widen] Gil Grissom: You. Advance, I mean. Gil Grissom: A girl... in a culvert pipe... at a highway construction site... in the middle of an alfalfa field... [turns to Brass] Gil Grissom: You got anything to add? Captain Jim Brass: Nothing as poetic. Gil Grissom: What you do on your time is your business. What you do on my time is my business. Greg Sanders: All work and no play makes Greg a dull boy. Gil Grissom: All play and no work makes Greg an UNEMPLOYED boy. Gil Grissom: Amazing how the sight of blood can clear a room. Nick Stokes: There's a sucker born every minute. Gil Grissom: Yeah, and they all come to Vegas. [to Grissom upon seeing a bug] Catherine Willows: Hey, look at that. Your six-legged soul mate. [Looking for clues in a messy trailer] Nick Stokes: People are pigs. Gil Grissom: Don't insult the pigs, Nick. They're actually very clean. [after Gil Grissom lights up a pickle in the lab] Gil Grissom: You know this is how I cooked my hot dogs in college. Sara Sidle: Do you want to have dinner with me? Gil Grissom: No. Sara Sidle: Come on, let's go to dinner... see what happens. Gil Grissom: I... don't know what to do about this. Sara Sidle: I do. And when you finally figure it out, you might be too late. Gil Grissom: No victim can ever say we didn't try. [the investigators discover a horse was being used to smuggle diamonds] Gil Grissom: The horse is a mule. [after witnessing a child ignoring her mother] Gil Grissom: [to Catherine] My mother may have been deaf but she was still the boss. Gil Grissom: Repeat after me. Silk, silk, silk. Nick Stokes: Silk, silk, silk. Gil Grissom: What do cows drink? Nick Stokes: Milk. Gil Grissom: Cows drink water. They produce milk. [a rat has just climbed out of a murder victim's mouth] Captain Jim Brass: Whoa. Gil Grissom: I think she just ratted herself out. [Later, before the victim's autopsy:] Dr. Al Robbins: Heard about the rat. Hope it didn't have any children. Gil Grissom: The rich are just as depraved as the poor. Gil Grissom: Most mammals only copulate seasonally. Catherine Willows: How boring. Captain Jim Brass: What are you doing after work? Gil Grissom: More work. Warrick Brown: Was that a confession? Gil Grissom: I think a plea of insanity. Captain Jim Brass: Hey, look what I found: a knife with blood on it. Gil Grissom: Hey, look what I found: dead guy. Scott Shelton: [after Sara discovers blood that has been wiped clean off the wall] I have no idea how it got there. Sara Sidle: Oh... How it got there was when you shot your wife in the head, wrapped her in a blanket and left her on the side of a mountain. *Dead*! [points her finger in his face] Scott Shelton: Get that finger out of my face! [they fight] Captain Jim Brass: [shouts] Stop! That's enough! [to Grissom] Captain Jim Brass: Get her under control! Gil Grissom: [shouts] Get him out of here, Jim! Scott Shelton: Told you she was a handful. Sara Sidle: Oh, you don't know a handful! Gil Grissom: Hey, Sara, what's the matter with you? Sara Sidle: I am a woman, and I have a gun and look how he treated me! I can only imagine how he treated his wife! Captain Jim Brass: Our friend Tony just checked into the hotel. Didn't even unpack his bags. Grissom: He made enemies fast. Dr. Al Robbins: He's been pretty worked over. How many teeth did you find at the crime scene? Grissom: Two. Dr. Al Robbins: He's missing six. Grissom: "The evil men do always lives after them. The good is often interred with their bones." Warrick Brown: Shakespeare? Grissom: [nods] Julius Caesar. Sara Sidle: Clothing, $85. Earrings, $30. Latte, $4. Getting away with murder... Gil Grissom: Priceless. [about an elastic plastic] Gil Grissom: What's it found in? Hodges: Greg-Sanders-wear. Gil Grissom: Sara, do you have any duct tape in your kit? Sara Sidle: Yeah. It's what I use to hold it together. [Grissom walks by the lab where Greg is playing music] Gil Grissom: Hey, Sanders, no punk rock. Greg Sanders: What about Black Flag? Gil Grissom: Are you nuts? Gil Grissom: My bugs are my babies, my children. Greg Sanders: I'm like a sponge: I just absorb information. Gil Grissom: I thought that was MY line. Greg Sanders: Yeah, and I absorbed it. Gil Grissom: So, let's see. You surf, you scuba dive. You're into latex, you like fashion models and Marilyn Manson. And you also have a coin collection? Greg Sanders: Weird, ha? Gil Grissom: Well, I race cockroaches! Gil Grissom: Hi beetle! Gil Grissom: Did you hear the one about the cop and the monkey who go into a bar? Catherine Willows: I'm not in the mood. Gil Grissom: Neither was the monkey. Greg Sanders: [Spoken while Grissom is looking under a microscope] That's the hair from the spare bedroom. Gil Grissom: There's an oily film on the surface of the hair. Greg Sanders: Propylene glycol. Active ingredient in Rogaine, for male pattern baldness. Personally, I don't use the stuff, but my grandfather Papa Olaf - he was Bruce Willis at age sixteen. Lucky for me, baldness comes from the mother's side, so I'm safe... Gil Grissom: [Interrupting] Greg, please, I'm very tired. Greg Sanders: Well, maybe the guy we're looking for is going bald... or trying not to. According to Papa Olaf, a lot of guys who use Rogaine also use Propecia, kind of like a cocktail. I ran the hair through MassSpec. I got four peaks - ethyl alcohol, propylene glycol, minoxidil, and finasteride. Gil Grissom: Finasteride, the chemical name for Propecia. Greg Sanders: But wait, there's more, and it's a family secret. Sexual. Happens in less than two percent of users. [Whispering] Greg Sanders: Papa Olaf was one of those people that needed hydraulics. Gil Grissom: Nick, give me that apple Nick Stokes: [looks at the apple he's been eating] But I didn't get any lunch... Gil Grissom: You're not supposed to be eating in here so give it. [Grissom notices something in the desert and starts to walk away from a crime scene] Captain Jim Brass: Where's he going? Catherine Willows: Let's just hope he stops. [Dr. Robbins has received a human head in the mail] [Grissom walks into the room] Gil Grissom: I heard you got some head. Gil Grissom: I'm sorry, you look lost Sheriff Rory Atwater: I've been calling your cell. Gil Grissom: We get bad reception here in CSI. Listen, if this is about dinner, I'm free next week. I'll be having the fish. [liquid from the trunk of a car containing two corpses splashes up onto Greg's face and into his mouth] Sara Sidle: Technically, that makes you a cannibal. Grissom would be proud. Greg Sanders: Grissom would have tasted it on purpose. Greg Sanders: I, am a genius. Warrick Brown: Let me guess, you ran the DNA and got a hit? Greg Sanders: No. Gil Grissom: You ran the DNA and something distinctive came up? Greg Sanders: No. Warrick Brown: You rolled out of bed and managed to dress yourself? Greg Sanders: No. Catherine Willows: Lovers and co-workers, that never works. Catherine Willows: What kind of perverse game are you playing here, Gil? Gil Grissom: I'm not a pervert. Gil Grissom: Maestro, what's the deal with our floater? [shouts over the music] Gil Grissom: Professor! What's up with our floater? Catherine Willows: How old were you when your father died? Gil Grissom: Nine. Catherine Willows: Little guy. [identifying an insect at a crime scene] Gil Grissom: Dermastidae masculatus. Sara Sidle: That's Latin for "You're hiding a dead body." Warrick Brown: Who brings a gun to a knife fight? Gil Grissom: The winner? Gil Grissom: [to Hodges] So you're saying our killer had metal balls? Catherine Willows: You know how you're always pushing that holy trinity stuff? Gil Grissom: Father, Son and Holy Ghost? Catherine Willows: Victim, suspect, crime scene. Gil Grissom: That one, huh? Gil Grissom: I tend not to believe people; they lie. The evidence never lies. Greg Sanders: [about Sara] You want a valium for her? Sara Sidle: I heard that! |
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