I wrote this blog on myspace on March 2, about three or four days after I watched "Rebel Without A Cause" for the first time ever. Yeah, I know. Hard to believe that I'm this old and I never once thought to watch a James Dean movie. Gimme a break, okay?
"JAMES DEAN, PART II
Well, then, there, now. It seems I've turned fascination into obsession, This is nothing new to me.
When I found out that "Candle In The Wind" was written about Marilyn Monroe, I had to know everything about her. When ABC showed a movie about Ruffian last year, I downloaded every image I could find of her. This one was particularly important to me because when I was younger, my dad and I used to watch horse racing together an she was our favorite horse. After I bought a poster of the Golden Gate Bridge, I surfed the 'net for weeks!
And now, James Dean. Look at my profile, for Pete's sake! Every time I log onto the internet, I search for anything and everything that is even remotely related to James Dean. I know when and where he was born,where he went to school, how he was discovered; I've watched practically every tribute video for him, read every article. I even made a scrapbook and a video about him. It's funny what one movie will make you do.
But it's not so much about the movie anymore as it is about James Dean himself. I wasn't even born when James Dean died. Heck, if he was alive today, he'd be 77. That's older than my dad! I think what it is, is that I really identify with him. Not the actor, but the person.Maybe it's just me, maybe I WANT to find similarities so I can make better sense of myself, because I'm almost 48 and I still feel like an outsider in my own existence.
Reading about the kind of person James Dean was has made me take a deeper look at myself. The events that shaped who I am, the way I deal with things, the things I make public and the things I keep to myself, my own mortality and the legacy I will leave behind --- all of this because I happened to watch an old movie on television one night.
It's funny what one movie will make you do."
They say confession is good for the soul. I feel bad that I started late. Almost like I'm crashing a party that nobody even invited me to. But I'm here now, and by God, I'm going to be the life of this party if it kills me!
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