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SVU - Best quotes

Opinion by livi_wells posted 1 year ago
4.8
 by 13 fans
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One of my favourite things about SVU is the amazing dialogue the charcters have. Here is a selection from season 1.

Narrator: In the criminal justice system sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of a elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.

(Cragen chews out Olivia for not arresting a woman who then committed suicide.)
Don Cragen: You just used your Get Out of Jail Free card, Olivia. There’s only one in the pack.

Olivia Benson: Question. Who'd want to cut your penis off?
Victor Spicer: Take a number

Elliot Stabler: I think sex should be one of the best parts of life, not the worst.

Olivia Benson: Yeah. I'm a regular monk.
Elliot Stabler: Monkette. (staring at her)

Elliot Stabler: Must've been dead a week.
Olivia Benson: Guess he has an alibi.

(Munch has just explained one of conspiracy theories.)
Jeffries: Is there anything you just accept?
Munch: Yeah, ... compliments.

Elliot Stabler: If I die, the spot where I go down, you better make sure none of this happens to it or I'm gonna haunt you the rest of your days.
Olivia Benson: Noted

Det. Brian Cassidy: So why didn't you ever have kids? Didn't want the responsibility?
Det. John Munch: I wouldn't want to give a kid the responsibility of me.

Olivia Benson: I sure's hell wouldn't drive to Queens to save your ass.
Elliot Stabler: Yeah, you would

Det. John Munch: I don't just want to rain on your parade I want to burst all your floats.

Elliot Stabler: How long you been sleeping with Cassidy?
Olivia Benson: Uh, I'm not.
Elliot Stabler: Your stomach just dropped two floors, Olivia. The unconscious don't lie.
Olivia Benson: I'm not lying ... not much.
Elliot Stabler: Mm-hmm.
Olivia Benson: Is it that obvious?
Elliot Stabler: I'm your partner for better or worse. Look everybody knows too much about everybody else in this office anyway.
Olivia Benson: I broke a rule, Elliot. A personal one. And now he wants to see me again.
Elliot Stabler: Can you blame him?

Olivia Benson: He smells expensive.
Don Cragen: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you to smell the defendant

Ray Gunther: (to Benson) What's wrong? You jealous, sweetheart?
Olivia Benson: Easy.
Elliot Stabler: (squeezing the handcuffs tighter) Not sweetheart. That's Detective Benson. All right? I want an apology from you.
Olivia Benson: (helping him back up) I don't need an apology from this slimebag.

John Munch: Hello and welcome to Parole Phone. If you're paying with sex, press 1. If you want to make a donation to a phony charity, press 2.

Olivia Benson: I always carry at least a pair of earrings in my purse.
Elliot Stabler: Yeah, like you carry a purse.
Olivia Benson: That's 'cause you carry it for me

Nick Ganzner: You close your eyes ... is that it ... to have sex?
Olivia Benson: I have sex with my eyes wide open

Elizabeth Stabler: Daddy, why does Christmas only come once a year?
Elliot Stabler: Because Santa Claus's credit cards are all maxed out

Audrey Jackson: We still have 45 minutes.
John Munch: I suppose you want to hear a detailed account of my sexual history? But how're we gonna kill the remaining 44 minutes?

Dr. Audrey Jackson: Do you always deflect personal questions with jokes?
Det. John Munch: Do you always deflect jokes with personal questions?

Det. John Munch: Now I'm a pain in my own ass.

Det. John Munch: There should be a special level of hell for this pus-sucking gangrenous malignancy of a mental amoeba.
Captain Donald Cragen: Did somebody steal your parking space again?

Detective Stabler: The difference between you and all the victims is you can walk away.
Detective Olivia Benson: (whispers) No I can't.


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8 comments
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ebathory said:
Good one! What about:

Stabler: Oh no! Tofu patties!

(Suspect tells Benson he wants some sparkling water)
Benson: And i want your balls in a blender but aint life a bitch!

Fin: He's my Jew.
Munch: I'm your Jew?! Your Jew!? How would you like it if I called you my boy?
Fin: Hey, I'm your boy!

Lol
posted 1 year ago.
 
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I love those quotes esp the benson one! I remember that ep, but they're not from s1 so thats why they weren't included.
:)
posted 1 year ago.
 
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I love the Munch quotes!
how about
Stabler: I like these little cliques there like the Mafia nobody knows nothing
posted 1 year ago.
 
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I Love The Munch and Olivia Quotes!! They are SOOO Funny!!
posted 1 year ago.
 
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ash87 said:
Yeah, you could write a book with Munch quotes. I love this Alex one:

Alex - "He is lucky i didn't knock his teeth down his throat!"
Cragen - "I'd pay real money to see that"
posted 1 year ago.
last edited 1 year ago
 
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svu_luver said:
I love svu quotes I read them all the time on imdb!!
posted 11 months ago.
last edited 11 months ago
 
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meagan116 said:
wat ep was this quote?

Elliot Stabler: How long you been sleeping with Cassidy?
Olivia Benson: Uh, I'm not.
Elliot Stabler: Your stomach just dropped two floors, Olivia. The unconscious don't lie.
Olivia Benson: I'm not lying ... not much.
Elliot Stabler: Mm-hmm.
Olivia Benson: Is it that obvious?
Elliot Stabler: I'm your partner for better or worse. Look everybody knows too much about everybody else in this office anyway.
Olivia Benson: I broke a rule, Elliot. A personal one. And now he wants to see me again.
Elliot Stabler: Can you blame him?
posted 2 months ago.
 
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meagan116 said:
oh and this one

Detective Stabler: The difference between you and all the victims is you can walk away.
Detective Olivia Benson: (whispers) No I can't.

and this one lol

Alex - "He is lucky i didn't knock his teeth down his throat!"
Cragen - "I'd pay real money to see that"
posted 2 months ago.
 
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