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Awkward
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Marjorie Conrad Interview
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How did you get involved with Top Model?I really didn’t expect to model before show. I was recruited at my college bookstore. Sarah asked me to get a Polaroid taken and to say hi to Tyra. I went through the three day audition process and that’s how the journey began. What did you see in yourself that could make you a top model? I definitely don’t think I am terribly mainstream. I have an edge and I like to be creative during my photo shoots. What I did at every shoot was come up with a film reference and carry out that concept in my photo shoots. Our direction in photo shoots was really vague and we didn’t get a lot of feedback. We had to create our own story and carry that out. What was your favorite thing about Amsterdam? I liked posing in the red light fashion challenge. I liked my designer and liked my dress. It was covered in Dutch sayings and I had a lot of fun figuring out what the dress meant. During that challenge, I got a lot of applause and it was exhilarating. Can you talk about the controversy with Elina and why you said that she didn’t try hard enough? I haven’t gotten a chance to clear the air with Elina. As for the controversy, there isn’t any. We are friends and we do connect more than just the fact we are European. We get each other as a person. Part of what I said about her not trying was my own projection, as we winded down to the final five. I was more likely to cater to the criticism we received than she was. Elina got tired of incorporating it in her performance and not seeing results, so she returned to her initial way of modeling. It’s not that she didn’t try, she just became frustrated with the process and the experience and wasn’t as eager to grow as some of the other girls. Ultimately she tried as hard as she could and did the best she could and we can’t fault her for that. Often, the girls from ANTM are seen as role models. Does that worry you with how the drinking was portrayed on the show? Um, honestly, it was completely blown out of proportion. I didn’t drink that much alcohol. Analeigh was concerned about how much I was drinking, but she didn’t need to be. I just took a bath fully clothed and just stayed kinda quiet. Yeah I kissed a guy, but it wasn’t anything outrageous. People think it was losing control, but it was pretty innocent, actually. As far as being a role model, I actually think I fit the mainstream idea of what a role model is. I tried as hard as I could and I gave it a fair a shot. I’m the luckiest person in the world and have an opportunity to pursue whatever I want from this rare platform. How did you feel about being constantly criticized for your nerves, then were eliminated because you conquered them? I was worried. The awkward nervous persona they showed is really reductive. My normal personality was the more composed person you saw more of in the last episode. I didn’t show this side as much. I found when I did, people called me boring. This happened on many occasions early during the show, which wasn’t aired, and it was criticism I was very much aware of. I feared being eliminated or lack of personality. I identified and worked on my weaknesses when I went through periods of self doubt, and that came across as that jittery, nervous person. It’s very much a part of me and my personality, but it was a uni-dimensional representation, and one I became focused on. Was it hard to say goodbye to Analeigh? I didn’t break down until I saw her face. It was nice to see she was affected by my elimination and that she was rooting for me. She was my best friend in the house. We were comfortable with each other, but it was not of a sexual nature. It was shown in a one-dimensional light. Tt often showed one sided dependency, with me leaning on Analeigh, but it was mutual. We protected each other during hard times and leaned on each other for support throughout the competition. We are valuable friends and once she gets off the show and the show is over, I hope to stay in touch with her. How do you feel about the other girls reaction to your explanation of your different perspective and “Europeanness”? The girls questions weren’t out of line. The moment you distinguish yourself, you are targeted. It puts yourself out there for criticism. Also, the show didn’t represent my argument well. All I wanted to say was not that being European gives an excuse. It’s not about that. As soon as you are in a foreign place, you have two different perspectives, regardless of how long you’ve lived in one place over the other. You have lived in, learned from and seen two different cultures, two types of people and two different ways to see the world. These perspectives make it less possible to be so sure of yourself and of your environment. It makes you consider other options and other possibilities. The other girls have only been exposed to one environment, one perspective and couldn’t understand why I could understand them and see another side as well. They only had one perspective because it was something they had never been exposed to, so they couldn’t understand it. But they weren’t out of line. If anything, they were trying to understand. How did you feel about the constant criticism of your nerves? There were times I was calm and controlled at panel and nerves were worked back into evaluation. Nigel would be like “you’re hiding it, but I see your nerves!” when really, they weren’t there. But then, when they weren’t, I was considered uninteresting and that was a lot of pressure. Looking through forums online, a lot of people found me being annoying when I was so nervous. I am not uni-dimensional. I am a complex person, just like everyone else. The show simply chose to highlight and exaggerate one aspect of my personality. I did play into that a bit, in an effort to prevent my own elimination. But I am not the only person who was represented in a uni-dimensional light. Take Analeigh. She is wholesome, but deeper, private issues, were not addressed in the context of the show. It would have taken her character and her role on the show in a different direction. We’re edited to be caricatures and viewers take this to the first degree. The show can be taken out of porportion, but what is certain is that its subjective. Viewers need to understand and recognize that they are seeing only a selected aspect of who were are as people, and doing so when we are in an extremely unnatural environment, and take that into account when forming opinions about our nature. What sort of things do make you nervous? The fact I was treading through uncharted waters in a high pressure situation was pretty nerve-wracking. I don’t play sports and am not competitive. I have no game face and am not trained for such scenarios. Plus I couldn’t vent at any time, when I did, it was on camera so I looked like a train wreck when I was trying to work things out for myself. I was talking through things so I could understand them and contextualize them better for myself, but to do that in confessional paints that experience in a very different light. It takes talking it out for me. Doing some other activity, like editing film. I just go back to that, it’s a comforting area for me. Bur we didn’t have that outlet on the show. What are your plans for the future? I would love to model now. Before the show, I wasn’t expecting to model. It was never a dream of mine. Now that I’ve been exposed to it, I love it. I worked with experts and won outlandish prizes and have a strong portfolio. I’m the luckiest person in the worlds to be able to have that and to go forward in my career with such a strong start. Do you see yourself as a print or runway model? I need to work on runway. But it’s not impossible for me to be runway model. I need better posture in order to be an effective runway model, but it’s not an insurmountable task. I love doing photo shoots. I love coming up with a concept and attempting to actualize it. Models should be relatable and connect with person looking at it. Translating emotion through image is important it me. It’s an equal interest on me. Some people think I’m a better print model, but I can work on both levels. How did you come up with your signature look? I came up with it on my own. I naturally have a slouch, so it was easy for me to push it and make it photogenic. It’s good to transform weaknesses into something positive. I think that’s why the photo shoot with Tyra was in fact my best, because she pushed me to come out of niche for myself, stand up straight work posture in a way I hadn’t focused on yet. Why do you think the last photo shoot was a struggle for you? I think a large factor was that I didn’t have a prop. The other girls were given lots of different things to work with, but I was instructed to just walk back and forth. However, this isn’t a fair representation of why my photo was weak. It didn’t help, but it’s not the only factor. However, I quite like my photo and thought it was a success. I was trying to have an alien-like quality about me and was trying to convey that. In my photo shoots, I like to think of film references and portray that in the concept. For that shoot, it was David Bowie and “The Man who Fell to Earth.” This idea made Jay really happy and I think I succeeded in what I, as a model, was trying to do for that shoot. Thank you for speaking with us today! Thank you! |
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