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A fan spot for the great actor, Sir Michael Caine.
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Some Funny Michael Caine Quotes From His Movies
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Lloyd: Brooke? Brooke: Yes? Lloyd: Are you in? Brooke: In? Lloyd: Are you there? Brooke: What? Lloyd: You're out. Okay. I'll call again. Usher: Mr. Fellowes, uh, is there anything wrong with your seat? Lloyd: [thinking] Yeah, it's facing the stage! ___From Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Michael plays Lawrence Jamieson [Ruprecht (Steve Martin) is mauling Lawrence's new girlfriend] Lawrence Jamieson: Ruprecht, do you want the genital cuff? Lawrence Jamieson: Freddy (Steve Martin), as a younger man, I was a sculptor, a painter, and a musician. There was just one problem: I wasn't very good. As a matter of fact, I was dreadful. I finally came to the frustrating conclusion that I had taste and style, but not talent. I knew my limitations. We all have our limitations, Freddy. Fortunately, I discovered that taste and style were commodities that people desired. Freddy, what I am saying is: know your limitations. You are a moron. Lawrence: I'd admit you made rather an effective prop Freddy: Wow, prop. Ruprecht was the star of that show. You were just the MC. Lawrence: I would consider myself the ventriloquist. Freddy: Which makes me what, the dummy? Lawrence: My God, that was easy. ___From Without a Clue, Michael Plays an actor playing Sherlock Holmes Sherlock Holmes: What are you doing? Dr. Watson: Thinking. Sherlock Holmes: Right. I'm going to think too. [Long pause] Sherlock Holmes: What shall we think about, Watson? [Holmes and Watson enter a home and Watson picks up the mail] Dr. Watson: Oh, a French postcard. Holmes: Really? [he takes the card from Watson] Holmes: I know a chap who collected these once. He had this wonderful one... two women... oh, it's just a picture of the Eiffel Tower. Watson: Holmes believes your father has been abducted. Leslie: Abducted? By who? Sherlock Holmes: Abductors ___From Deathtrap, Michael plays Sydney Bruhl Myra Bruhl: Well, have you thought about collaboration? Sidney Bruhl: I don't want any help in killing Clifford Anderson. I want to strike the blow myself. Sidney Bruhl: I'll bury him in the yard. No, the vegetable patch! Easier digging. Sidney Bruhl: This is Clifford Anderson, my secretary; my friend, Porter Milgrim. Clifford Anderson: How do you do, sir? Porter Milgrim: How do you do. Clifford Anderson: Nice to meet you. Sidney Bruhl: I would say "my attorney," but he'd bill me. Sidney Bruhl: I have a name and a reputation! Somewhat tattered, perhaps. But still good for dinner invitations and summer seminars. Clifford Anderson: Are you trying to say that you don't think that you can trust me? Sidney Bruhl: How clearly you put it! Sidney Bruhl: No blood on the carpet... ten points for neatness. Sidney Bruhl: Darling, though I might be capable of killing Clifford Anderson, I am not up to the criminal behavior of a Broadway producer. __From The Man Who Would Be King, Michael plays Peachy Peachy Carnehan: Keep looking at me. It helps to keep my soul from flying off. Peachy Carnehan: Danny's only a man. But he breaks wind at both ends simultaneous - which is more, I reckon, than any god can do. ___Alfie, Michael plays Alfie ;) Alfie: My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I don't want to know. [talking about Gilda's appearance while she is pregnant] Alfie: Mind you, she came over quite beautified for a while, particularly during the early months. And I told her: I said "Blimey, girl, you ain't as ugly as I thought". Alfie: She's got a little ginger moustache. But I find I'm quite willing to overlook the odd blemish in a woman, providing she's got something to make up for it. Well, that's what we're all here for, innit - to help each other out in this life. Alfie: I don't want no bird's respect - I wouldn't know what to do with it. Alfie: If you lose a bird you can always replace her. But with a child it's different. [speaking to camera as he is kissing Lily Clamacraft] Alfie: Well, what harm can it do? Old Harry will never know. And even if he did, he shouldn't begrudge me - or her, come to that. And it'll round off the tea nicely. Alfie: I've never told her that I love her - except at those times when you've *got* to say something for appearance's sake. Alfie: I've told you before to be careful where you put your legs.
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Leslie: Abducted? By who?
Sherlock Holmes: Abductors
I really like this one! :D
I'd add the ones from Miss Congeniality, where he plays Victor Melling:
Victor Melling: The last time I saw a walk like that was in "Jurassic Park."
Victor Melling: That was charming. Are you drunk?
Gracie Hart: Look I know what I'm gonna do. I haven't done this since high school but it's like riding a bike.
Victor Melling: You are not having sex on this stage.
Gracie Hart: I didn't know that was an option.
Victor Melling: I'm sorry, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap.
Kathy Morningside: Oh, Oh Victor. You'll take the bags to the room. I realize it's been awhile since you've been with us, but you remember how everything goes, don't you?
[Kathy walks off with Gracie]
Victor Melling: One little mistake and I'm a bloody bellhop!
Victor Melling: If I'd ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you... which is perhaps why I've never reproduced.
Victor Melling: He's with me.
Eric Matthews: I'm not "with him" with him, you know? It's not like...
Victor Melling: Come on, Muffin!
Eric Matthews: Listen to me you old fruitcake!
Victor Melling: How dare you, you cupcake!
Victor Melling: [during a makeover session] Eyebrows. There should be two.
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