There are so many great one-liners in Scrubs. What are your favourites?
I memorised a speech from Dr Cox (season 4 episode 1) about why he chose JD and Elliot for the Chief-Resident job:
'What with Barbie here being rediculously book-smart to the point where she has almost no interpersonal skills and you being warm and cuddly as an un-potty trained labradoodle and about as useful in high-stress medical situations as an un-potty trained labradoodle, *together* the two of you make one barely passable doctor... slash labradoodle.'
So what are your favourites? here are a couple more -
Dr. Cox: Oh, my God. I care so little I almost passed out.
Dr. Kelso: Hello Perry. I don't really know why I'm here but nurse Espinosa said if I don't come round, she'll stop coming to my house and talk to my pool boy. He speaks perfect english but he has no front teeth so I can never look at him without laughing.
I have some good ones:
Dr Kelso: Its not because i have Johnny tattooed on my butt, Johnny was my old navy buddy.
The Todd (s06e17): I dont stuff!!
Snoop-Dogg Resident: Maybe u should
J.D (same episode after drifting away in who knows what): Were gonna need a whole lot of gnomes.
Dr Kelso: What are u 2 doing here?
Janitor: Wrestling.
Randall: & drinking beer...
Janitor: Only the winner gets to drink beer...
Randall: *burps*
Dr Kelso (after cox shaved his head): Shouldnt u be out there fighting superman?... U look like Lex Luxor.
Also the one with JD's music (cant recall the actual conversation): blah blah blah.. & then the music starts to play, in my head its like this: ba ba baba baba ba baaaa... ba ba baba ba ba ba baaaa
I came up with some other funny quotes, here goes:
JD: Hey Lavern, what would u give me if i get this jelly bean in ur cleavage?
Lavern: A CONCUSSION...
Ted (after Cox called him "sweaty teddy"): Hey!!! only my mother calls me that!!
Season 1 Episode 17 (My Student):
Dr Cox: Hey newbie... the only way u could be less useful around here is if u were in fact that wall ur leaning on, of course u wont be as useless since u will be providing support for some jackass like yourself to reflect on what a jackass he is!!
(Later on in the episode):
JD (to med. student): Newbie wait!!
Carla: Newbie???
JD (whispers): Shut Up!!
(to med student again): Yes Shirly, put some gloves on & help me with this patient..... What do u want? A Cookie?? GO PUT SOME SCRUBS ON GO GO GOOOO!
Season 2 Episode 15 (His Story):
Psychiatrist: Are u telling me that u actually listened to someone else's advice & did soething good for ur career?
Dr.Cox: Yes!! :D
Psych.: Thats a big moment for me
Dr.Cox: Congratulations.
Psych.: Perry, if theres somebody in this hellhole of a hospital that u trust, please hold on to him because that person's nothing short of a genius!!
(Scenes change to JD in elevator alone)
JD (singing): EVERYBODY WANTS KUNG-FU FIGHTIIIING nimi nimi nim nininini
This part always cracks me up especially when we learn in season 5(my urologist) that he wasnt alone in the elevator at that time :D
(same episode)
Med. Student: Dr. Jerk!
JD(to turk):Ohohoh.. she just called u dr jerk!!
Turk: Well.. too bad u never heard what she said about Dr Mickhead.
JD: What?
Mikey: [Flying around like an airplane] Eeeeeeeeehhhhh! I'm a pretty airplane! Board me! Eeeeeeeeehhhhh!
Murray Marks: He's a little off.
J.D.: He smells like fuel.
Murray Marks: He's an airplane!
episode wen cox picks elliott 2 be chief resident instead of j.d.
cox: so how do u feel newbie
j.d:(in head)be strong.
J.d: oh im fine, u made the right choice, elliotts a great doctor but i do hav 3 questions. why do u hate me so much wen all i give u is love? who is gonna tell my mom? and what am going 2 do with 10000 john dorian chief resident buisness cards.
This inner monologue by todd on s06e17 (their story) was hilarious:
Todd(thoughts): Turk's bummed he definitely needs a high five, but which one?? Tough break five, chin up five, need a hug five, need a tuck five, what the hell is he saying?? never mind just take the last words he says & add a five to it.
Turk: .... I donno man it all seems kinda unfair.
Todd: Unfair five.
Turk thanks man u always know the right thing to say.
Todd: I work hard on that.
JD: Now we can save that dad dying thing to go see the new baby panda at the zoo.
Turk: Oh, its too late for that, she died.
JD: Not Ming Ming!
Turk: Yeah, her mama sat on her, and then ate her.
JD: Stupid nature.
I also like:
Jordan: Would you zip it nerd? The only reason I invited you is
because, for some reason, you have your own Spongebob Squarepants costume.
"As I lie in bed each morning and wonder why I should put both of my feet on the floor... There are 3 special reasons...
A chance to escape Jordan's morning breath? Sure!
Scotch! It's too early to drink it, but yes people it is never to early to think about!
And the ever present chance that I might finally happen across Hugh Jackman so I could give him this present I've been holding for him... BAAMMM!!"
J.D: Todd, what are you doing?
Todd: Waiting for my moment...
(J.D and Carla chat)
Carla: J.D, if your going out to lunch can you get me a hot Italian sausage?
Todd: I got a hot Italian sausage right here!
J.D sat with Turk and The Todd...
J.D: So, hows surgery?
Todd: It rocks! But my bedroom... thats where I really operate!
Ted: uh, im afraid youve but us at somewhat of a legal bind
Kelso: [pushing ted out of the way] good god you couldnt scare a child
Ted: [Quietly] Who would want to?
Dr. Cox: I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.
Turk: Elliot screwed up on another one of my patients today.
Todd: I had a mind to spank her too
Turk: Why, did she mess up on one of your patients too?
Todd: No, why?
my favorite is during their story
when todd is thinking about what happens when jd has a day dream
J.D.: If Turk's mind is set on something, it can't be changed. I can't even imagine how I'd try.
Todd's narration: Oh, great. There he goes off into his fantasy world. Now I'm stuck waiting until he snaps out of it with some weird comment.
J.D.: We'd have to find a whole lot of gnomes.
Todd: That's helpful.
Join this Club
Invite friend 
login or join fanpop to reply
Dr Kelso: Its not because i have Johnny tattooed on my butt, Johnny was my old navy buddy.
The Todd (s06e17): I dont stuff!!
Snoop-Dogg Resident: Maybe u should
J.D (same episode after drifting away in who knows what): Were gonna need a whole lot of gnomes.
Dr Kelso: What are u 2 doing here?
Janitor: Wrestling.
Randall: & drinking beer...
Janitor: Only the winner gets to drink beer...
Randall: *burps*
Dr Kelso (after cox shaved his head): Shouldnt u be out there fighting superman?... U look like Lex Luxor.
Also the one with JD's music (cant recall the actual conversation): blah blah blah.. & then the music starts to play, in my head its like this: ba ba baba baba ba baaaa... ba ba baba ba ba ba baaaa
wow... they never get old =)
Or
Kelso: Guess who had two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso, I thought we'd met.
JD: Hey Lavern, what would u give me if i get this jelly bean in ur cleavage?
Lavern: A CONCUSSION...
Ted (after Cox called him "sweaty teddy"): Hey!!! only my mother calls me that!!
Season 1 Episode 17 (My Student):
Dr Cox: Hey newbie... the only way u could be less useful around here is if u were in fact that wall ur leaning on, of course u wont be as useless since u will be providing support for some jackass like yourself to reflect on what a jackass he is!!
(Later on in the episode):
JD (to med. student): Newbie wait!!
Carla: Newbie???
JD (whispers): Shut Up!!
(to med student again): Yes Shirly, put some gloves on & help me with this patient..... What do u want? A Cookie?? GO PUT SOME SCRUBS ON GO GO GOOOO!
Season 2 Episode 15 (His Story):
Psychiatrist: Are u telling me that u actually listened to someone else's advice & did soething good for ur career?
Dr.Cox: Yes!! :D
Psych.: Thats a big moment for me
Dr.Cox: Congratulations.
Psych.: Perry, if theres somebody in this hellhole of a hospital that u trust, please hold on to him because that person's nothing short of a genius!!
(Scenes change to JD in elevator alone)
JD (singing): EVERYBODY WANTS KUNG-FU FIGHTIIIING nimi nimi nim nininini
This part always cracks me up especially when we learn in season 5(my urologist) that he wasnt alone in the elevator at that time :D
(same episode)
Med. Student: Dr. Jerk!
JD(to turk):Ohohoh.. she just called u dr jerk!!
Turk: Well.. too bad u never heard what she said about Dr Mickhead.
JD: What?
Mikey: [Flying around like an airplane] Eeeeeeeeehhhhh! I'm a pretty airplane! Board me! Eeeeeeeeehhhhh!
Murray Marks: He's a little off.
J.D.: He smells like fuel.
Murray Marks: He's an airplane!
todd; hey nigel (janitor as british guy) im 25% british.
janitor(nigel):im 100% not interested.
todd: (smiling)whoa! classic nigel!
janitor
cox: so how do u feel newbie
j.d:(in head)be strong.
J.d: oh im fine, u made the right choice, elliotts a great doctor but i do hav 3 questions. why do u hate me so much wen all i give u is love? who is gonna tell my mom? and what am going 2 do with 10000 john dorian chief resident buisness cards.
classic
Todd: no, u keep it. that
todd stands naked 4 several seconds.
JD: todd, put your clothes back on.
Todd: im goin back in there
the todd rules
Todd: Oh, I don't swim.
Todd(thoughts): Turk's bummed he definitely needs a high five, but which one?? Tough break five, chin up five, need a hug five, need a tuck five, what the hell is he saying?? never mind just take the last words he says & add a five to it.
Turk: .... I donno man it all seems kinda unfair.
Todd: Unfair five.
Turk thanks man u always know the right thing to say.
Todd: I work hard on that.
Claaaaaassic
Ted -while looking at an old lady out side the hospital-
"You smell like my mom. Rawr."
Dr Kelso: what would you know about self apearnce ted have you looked in the mirror lately.
Ted: not lately but when I do its reflection perfection
Turk: Oh, its too late for that, she died.
JD: Not Ming Ming!
Turk: Yeah, her mama sat on her, and then ate her.
JD: Stupid nature.
I also like:
Jordan: Would you zip it nerd? The only reason I invited you is
because, for some reason, you have your own Spongebob Squarepants costume.
JD: It was a gift.
JD Thoughts: From me to me.
"As I lie in bed each morning and wonder why I should put both of my feet on the floor... There are 3 special reasons...
A chance to escape Jordan's morning breath? Sure!
Scotch! It's too early to drink it, but yes people it is never to early to think about!
And the ever present chance that I might finally happen across Hugh Jackman so I could give him this present I've been holding for him... BAAMMM!!"
J.D: Todd, what are you doing?
Todd: Waiting for my moment...
(J.D and Carla chat)
Carla: J.D, if your going out to lunch can you get me a hot Italian sausage?
Todd: I got a hot Italian sausage right here!
J.D sat with Turk and The Todd...
J.D: So, hows surgery?
Todd: It rocks! But my bedroom... thats where I really operate!
HAHAHA Cox rules!
-JD to Turk: I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.
-Dr. Kelso: Human Magic 8-Ball, tell me if I should play golf this weekend. (Dr. Kelso shakes Ted's head vigorously)
Ted: I'm a LAWYER!
-Turk pulling his hair out after JD forgot the tickets to see Micheal Jordan: AHHHHH AHHHHH LEAVE IT ON THE FLOOR AHHHH LEAVE IT ON THE FLOOR AHHHHH
Kelso: [pushing ted out of the way] good god you couldnt scare a child
Ted: [Quietly] Who would want to?
Dr. Cox: I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.
Todd: I had a mind to spank her too
Turk: Why, did she mess up on one of your patients too?
Todd: No, why?
Sticks and Stones may break my Bones
JD (in his head)
But words will hurt forever
ahahahah <3
when todd is thinking about what happens when jd has a day dream
J.D.: If Turk's mind is set on something, it can't be changed. I can't even imagine how I'd try.
Todd's narration: Oh, great. There he goes off into his fantasy world. Now I'm stuck waiting until he snaps out of it with some weird comment.
J.D.: We'd have to find a whole lot of gnomes.
Todd: That's helpful.
it was really funny when it happend!
JD - "No sir, im a dreamer"