There are so many great one-liners in Scrubs. What are your favourites?
I memorised a speech from Dr Cox (season 4 episode 1) about why he chose JD and Elliot for the Chief-Resident job:
'What with Barbie here being rediculously book-smart to the point where she has almost no interpersonal skills and you being warm and cuddly as an un-potty trained labradoodle and about as useful in high-stress medical situations as an un-potty trained labradoodle, *together* the two of you make one barely passable doctor... slash labradoodle.'
So what are your favourites? here are a couple more -
Dr. Cox: Oh, my God. I care so little I almost passed out.
Dr. Kelso: Hello Perry. I don't really know why I'm here but nurse Espinosa said if I don't come round, she'll stop coming to my house and talk to my pool boy. He speaks perfect english but he has no front teeth so I can never look at him without laughing.
Dr Cox - "Ego is good you dumbass, its the reason that guy wants you to be his surgeon, its the reason that she is boarder-line attracted to you *points to Carla* and its the reason that SHE so desperately wants to marry you *points to JD*"
JD -"Page me when you head home" *snaps fingers*
____________________________
Dr Cox "Newbie will continually try to violate my no touching policy, and republicans will forever try to raise-"
JD "SNEAK HUGS!!"
_____________________________________
JD - "Turk we're not married"
Turk - "Dude, we're a little married."
JD - "I know and i love it"
*in his head as Turk walks away*
JD: tell him how you feel without sounding like a girl..
(out loud) Sometimes i miss you so much it hurts!
Turk: I'm going to pretend i didnt hear that
Ive read quite a few and noticed an absence of J.D's classic " EEEEEEAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGLLLLLLEEEE!!!&quoot;
Dr.Cox: I love this moment so much, i want to have sex with it
-later in the same episode:
This moment is so great, I'd cheat on that other moment from before, marry this one and raise a family of tiny little moments
I think i probably love every single line of scrubs, but my favourite moment is when the SugarHill Gang alarm clock goes off, i am literally obssessed.
I also love seson six, episode six - my musical
i have memorised all the songs and my dream is that someone will do a scrubs broadway show and i would be chosen as the star!
Janitor: This here's our new flagpole. Why don't you show old glory a little respect and snap off a salute?
J.D.: There's no flag up there.
Janitor: We're at war, my friend. All American flags are on backorder. What do you want me to do in the meantime? Run a pirate flag up there? Maybe turn the whole building into a pirate ship? I could put a captain's wheel up on the roof. Catch a parrot somehow, slap on an eye patch, go to work with a caulk gun, seal her up, make her watertight. I could take her out to sea.
J.D.: Are you insane?
Janitor: No. I'm a pirate.
i love that
_________________________
Janitor: What's up?
J.D.: [voiceover] Be careful here. Don't give him anything.
J.D.: Nothing, What is up with you... Man.
Janitor: I always get this way in the fall, y'know. Summers gone, the days are shorter, just makes me feel so... what's the word...
J.D: Sad.
Janitor: Yes that's it. I'm a janitor so I couldn't think of the word sad. I was gonna say it makes me feel so mop!
J.D.: Let me explain, I--
Janitor: Go ahead I'm mopping.
J.D.: Maybe I shouldn't bother.
Janitor: Maybe you mopn't.
__________________________
Dr. Cox: Alright, who can tell me anything about Mr. Pierce?
Keith: He uses oil heaters at his house in New Hampshire
Dr. Cox: That answer was either very sarcastic or very stupid, either way I'm whacking you with my clipboard [holds clipboard up] brace yourself.
Keith: Wait, he's hypoxic with a clear chest x-ray which can be a sign of carbon monoxide poisoning. I learned that watching House.
Lisa: House is a genius!
Dr. Cox: ...that's it I'm whacking both of you [whacks both]
____________________________
J.D.: [to Turk over walkie-talkies] Brown bear, are you nude right now?
Turk: Yeah! How did you know?
J.D.: Your voice is always higher when you're nude.
Turk: Hahaha. That's true!
Dr. Cox: [in the background] It's not weird that you know that.
________________________________________
Dr. Cox: Lemme ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside somebody's clogged artery when all that person has to do, really is--oh, I don't know--go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that? And, I know here, I know I'm supposed to be Dr. Give-A-Crap, but you wanna hear the God's honest truth? And this is a fact: you are what you eat. And you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?
_______________________________
and one of the best quotes which make me laugh no matter how many times i see it
J.D and Nina kissing.
Dr Cox: oh god, i'm gagging and vomitting at the same time i i'm gavomiting
Elliot:Where are you taking me cause i have to say this seems wildly inappropriate
Dr.Cox: Well I was looking over your patients chart and I noticed something your five-nine too
she spots the weighing scale
Elliot:NO PUT ME DOWN
she keeps ranting
Dr. Cox:BOON! come over here and read this number
Elliot: If You read that number I will kill your family Boon
both dr.cox and elliot are ranting and fighting
Boon: 298
Dr. Cox: Take that minus my super buff 180lb. and that makes you 118 a full pound less then your patient who is "in trouble" Hypocrisy Thy name is...Boon do you want to finish that for me, no, not smart enough to follow
im not sure of the exact diologue, but this one is hilarious to me:
Jack(to Kelso):your skin is wrinkly
Kelso(o Jack): Oh yeah? Well that shirt makes you look gay.
or
Cox(to jordan after she got botox)Show me...amused, b-mused, c-mused. show me angry. (jordan knees him in the groin, goes into fetal)got angry downn....
I like the one where Dr. Cox is talking to Elliot after she turned to private practice and she told him what to do.
Dr.Cox: I've just discovered text messaging. I know i'm a little late to the game but that doesn't make you any less of a G-A-B-P-I-T-A-W-M-M-W-2-D. Giant annoying bangsy pain-in-the-ass who makes me want to die.
Elliot: Well,I'm off! Don't want to be late for my brow wax and my facial,so see ya! I'm going to relax while a team of burly old Russian women make me beautiful.
OR
Dr. Cox: I.....believe in you???
Elliot: No you don't.
Elliot: this is just like the time you told me our hospital dinner was a costume party! I came to a black-tie dinner dressed like Clarence Thomas.
Dr. Cox: I was in a costume too.
Elliot: You wore an Armani tux...
Dr. Cox: I went as someone who doesn't make a fool out of himself. How'd you not get that?
ha i like the one in my hard labor
JD:ill have you so knocked up itll be like your passing a marshmellow
Kim:that sounds sticky and uncomfortable
JD:passing a unicorn
kim:thats a big horse with a horn
JD:passing a rainbow
Kim:thats better
Dr. Cox: And whats that rediculous thing on your head?
JD: Its my hairmit, its like a helmet only it doesnt mess up your hair.
(later in conversation)
Dr. Cox: Well come on newbie.
JD: Okay, just let me fix my hair first, oh wait, (takes off helmet) I dont have to.
Dr. Cox: You're black? 'Cause last I checked you had a nerdy white best friend, you enjoy Neil Diamond, and you damn sure act like a black guy and these are all characteristics of white guys. Please understand, I'm a huge supporter of the NAACP. If you're don't know what that stands for, it's the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. And quite frankly, I always thought they should change the 'colored people' to 'African Americans' but then of course it wouldn't be the NAACP it'd be the N quad A or NAAAA. And I know this probably sounds like a digression but actually brings me back to my original point... Do I think you're black? Naaaaaaaaa!
Carla- Careful, i'll make your chin disappear. Whoooa, too late!
J.D- Thats not nice.
Jordan-Is Ted having a baby with the Janitor?
J.D- Only in their sitcom. *Voicover* Legal Custodians! Gettit?
J.D- On the bright side you have beautiful nubs...
Ted- *To Janitor* Hey, I carpool. I just dropped my Mom off at the Mall!
Jaitor- *looks at him weirdly because he was riding a bike*
Ted- She sits on the seat behind me and holds on by tucking her hands into my bike shorts...
Jaitor- Thats disgusting.
Ted- I know... It doesn't feel right...
J.D- We have to find your ball Turk! We have to find it and destroy it!
J.D- Don't worry, the epidural will make you so numb down there it'll feel like you're passing a marshmallow!
Kim- But that sounds sticky and uncomfortable!
J.D- Passing a unicorn,
Kim- Thats a giant horse with a horn!
J.D- Passing a rainbow!
Kim- Thats better.
Dr Cox: Let's break down the kids support system, shall we? He's got ME...an emotionally crippled narcissist, and he's got you...an emotionally crippled narcissist...who is soaking in a tub of what, by now, has to be mostly your own urine.
Dan: I believe the ratio has shifted that way, yes.
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Dr. Cox (to Mrs. Wilk): Would you love a Virgin Daiquiri? It's a normal Daiquiri, except I let him [J.D.] give it to you.
hahahahahahahaha
Many herpes . . . BIG
JD -"Page me when you head home" *snaps fingers*
____________________________
Dr Cox "Newbie will continually try to violate my no touching policy, and republicans will forever try to raise-"
JD "SNEAK HUGS!!"
_____________________________________
JD - "Turk we're not married"
Turk - "Dude, we're a little married."
JD - "I know and i love it"
dr kelso: this is not bring your problems to work day, this is just work day.
JD: tell him how you feel without sounding like a girl..
(out loud) Sometimes i miss you so much it hurts!
Turk: I'm going to pretend i didnt hear that
haha aww :)
Dr.Cox: I love this moment so much, i want to have sex with it
-later in the same episode:
This moment is so great, I'd cheat on that other moment from before, marry this one and raise a family of tiny little moments
And his rant of things he doesnt care about!
Turk: Why is there silverware in the pancake drawer?
Or my favorite, and I believe it is the same episode.
Turk: Do you know what you get, when you mess with the WWWWAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIOOOOOOOORRRRRRR!
I also love seson six, episode six - my musical
i have memorised all the songs and my dream is that someone will do a scrubs broadway show and i would be chosen as the star!
J.D.: There's no flag up there.
Janitor: We're at war, my friend. All American flags are on backorder. What do you want me to do in the meantime? Run a pirate flag up there? Maybe turn the whole building into a pirate ship? I could put a captain's wheel up on the roof. Catch a parrot somehow, slap on an eye patch, go to work with a caulk gun, seal her up, make her watertight. I could take her out to sea.
J.D.: Are you insane?
Janitor: No. I'm a pirate.
i love that
_________________________
Janitor: What's up?
J.D.: [voiceover] Be careful here. Don't give him anything.
J.D.: Nothing, What is up with you... Man.
Janitor: I always get this way in the fall, y'know. Summers gone, the days are shorter, just makes me feel so... what's the word...
J.D: Sad.
Janitor: Yes that's it. I'm a janitor so I couldn't think of the word sad. I was gonna say it makes me feel so mop!
J.D.: Let me explain, I--
Janitor: Go ahead I'm mopping.
J.D.: Maybe I shouldn't bother.
Janitor: Maybe you mopn't.
__________________________
Dr. Cox: Alright, who can tell me anything about Mr. Pierce?
Keith: He uses oil heaters at his house in New Hampshire
Dr. Cox: That answer was either very sarcastic or very stupid, either way I'm whacking you with my clipboard [holds clipboard up] brace yourself.
Keith: Wait, he's hypoxic with a clear chest x-ray which can be a sign of carbon monoxide poisoning. I learned that watching House.
Lisa: House is a genius!
Dr. Cox: ...that's it I'm whacking both of you [whacks both]
____________________________
J.D.: [to Turk over walkie-talkies] Brown bear, are you nude right now?
Turk: Yeah! How did you know?
J.D.: Your voice is always higher when you're nude.
Turk: Hahaha. That's true!
Dr. Cox: [in the background] It's not weird that you know that.
________________________________________
Dr. Cox: Lemme ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside somebody's clogged artery when all that person has to do, really is--oh, I don't know--go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that? And, I know here, I know I'm supposed to be Dr. Give-A-Crap, but you wanna hear the God's honest truth? And this is a fact: you are what you eat. And you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?
_______________________________
and one of the best quotes which make me laugh no matter how many times i see it
J.D and Nina kissing.
Dr Cox: oh god, i'm gagging and vomitting at the same time i i'm gavomiting
Dr.Cox: Well I was looking over your patients chart and I noticed something your five-nine too
she spots the weighing scale
Elliot:NO PUT ME DOWN
she keeps ranting
Dr. Cox:BOON! come over here and read this number
Elliot: If You read that number I will kill your family Boon
both dr.cox and elliot are ranting and fighting
Boon: 298
Dr. Cox: Take that minus my super buff 180lb. and that makes you 118 a full pound less then your patient who is "in trouble" Hypocrisy Thy name is...Boon do you want to finish that for me, no, not smart enough to follow
Boon:No
Dr. Cox: ...You,Barbie, Hypocrisy thy name is you
Jack(to Kelso):your skin is wrinkly
Kelso(o Jack): Oh yeah? Well that shirt makes you look gay.
or
Cox(to jordan after she got botox)Show me...amused, b-mused, c-mused. show me angry. (jordan knees him in the groin, goes into fetal)got angry downn....
JD: "Have you been here the whole time?"
Cox: "No, I came in through the couch door."
Dr.Cox: I've just discovered text messaging. I know i'm a little late to the game but that doesn't make you any less of a G-A-B-P-I-T-A-W-M-M-W-2-D. Giant annoying bangsy pain-in-the-ass who makes me want to die.
Elliot: Well,I'm off! Don't want to be late for my brow wax and my facial,so see ya! I'm going to relax while a team of burly old Russian women make me beautiful.
OR
Dr. Cox: I.....believe in you???
Elliot: No you don't.
Elliot: this is just like the time you told me our hospital dinner was a costume party! I came to a black-tie dinner dressed like Clarence Thomas.
Dr. Cox: I was in a costume too.
Elliot: You wore an Armani tux...
Dr. Cox: I went as someone who doesn't make a fool out of himself. How'd you not get that?
JD:ill have you so knocked up itll be like your passing a marshmellow
Kim:that sounds sticky and uncomfortable
JD:passing a unicorn
kim:thats a big horse with a horn
JD:passing a rainbow
Kim:thats better
JD: My mother had a uterous, I lived in it...
Another one-
Dr. Cox: And whats that rediculous thing on your head?
JD: Its my hairmit, its like a helmet only it doesnt mess up your hair.
(later in conversation)
Dr. Cox: Well come on newbie.
JD: Okay, just let me fix my hair first, oh wait, (takes off helmet) I dont have to.
Janitor:( with globe ) point to Iraq. No thats China.
J.d: Your China
Janitor:Thats an outragous acusation!
J.d:No sir, im a dreamer.
J.d: ( gets cofee first ) I cant help im special, god made me that way.
J.D- Thats not nice.
Jordan-Is Ted having a baby with the Janitor?
J.D- Only in their sitcom. *Voicover* Legal Custodians! Gettit?
J.D- On the bright side you have beautiful nubs...
Ted- *To Janitor* Hey, I carpool. I just dropped my Mom off at the Mall!
Jaitor- *looks at him weirdly because he was riding a bike*
Ted- She sits on the seat behind me and holds on by tucking her hands into my bike shorts...
Jaitor- Thats disgusting.
Ted- I know... It doesn't feel right...
J.D- We have to find your ball Turk! We have to find it and destroy it!
J.D- Don't worry, the epidural will make you so numb down there it'll feel like you're passing a marshmallow!
Kim- But that sounds sticky and uncomfortable!
J.D- Passing a unicorn,
Kim- Thats a giant horse with a horn!
J.D- Passing a rainbow!
Kim- Thats better.
Dan: I believe the ratio has shifted that way, yes.