There are so many great one-liners in Scrubs. What are your favourites?
I memorised a speech from Dr Cox (season 4 episode 1) about why he chose JD and Elliot for the Chief-Resident job:
'What with Barbie here being rediculously book-smart to the point where she has almost no interpersonal skills and you being warm and cuddly as an un-potty trained labradoodle and about as useful in high-stress medical situations as an un-potty trained labradoodle, *together* the two of you make one barely passable doctor... slash labradoodle.'
So what are your favourites? here are a couple more -
Dr. Cox: Oh, my God. I care so little I almost passed out.
Dr. Kelso: Hello Perry. I don't really know why I'm here but nurse Espinosa said if I don't come round, she'll stop coming to my house and talk to my pool boy. He speaks perfect english but he has no front teeth so I can never look at him without laughing.
One of my favorites is when Dr. Cox makes his decision on Chief Resident between JD and Elliot.
Dr. Cox: You ok there Newbie?
JD: NO, Im fine, afterall, Elliot is a good doctor. I do have three questions, though. Why do you hate me when I show you nothing but love? Who's gonna tell my Mom, and WHAT HELL I AM SUPPOSED TO DO WITH 10,000 JOHN DORIAN: CHIEF OF RESIDENCY BUSINESS CARDS?!
Kelso: hey Ace, your TTP patient coded, I pronounced him ...
JD: he died?
Kelso: I certainly hope so otherwise that autopsy gonna be a bitch ...
*
Dr. Cox: What in the name of Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret were you thinking?
*
Elliot: You know I kinda had a date last night?
J.D.: Really?
Elliot: Yeah, a guy on the bus fell asleep on me and drooled on my shoulder.
J.D.: ...You slut.
*
J.D.: I want you to know, if I ever need surgery again, I want you inside of me.
Turk: I wanna be the one inside of you.
*
Janitor: Girl problems?
J.D.: How'd you know?
Janitor: Look like you got problems. You're a girl. Girl problems.
Dr Cox: Its only seconds in and i'm already regretting my decision
JD (Rings a bell): Things Jordan says during sex
JD (Drops his folders): There a good chance i could kill someone today
Dr Cox (Rings a bell): Things you say to your patients
lol that one made me laugh.
Oh and:
Julie: (To Dr. Cox) Did you know before J.D. was born his parents didn't know if he would be a boy or a girl so the first three months they called him Joanna.
Seris one. J.D: "I'm a doctor and i'm scared of sick people. Wanna get a picture with me ?"
Can't remember what seris, i think four or five. Elliot: Well she's a teenage girl, that's an awkward time. You know, your breasts are growing, not always symmetrically. Um, you like boys. Maybe one gives you a ride home, you think something's gonna happen but it doesn't and that just makes it official that you're a lop-sided freak. Happy ending though: lefty caught up in college.
J.D: Were you ever planning on telling me?
Kim: Yes, But I didn't know what to say.
J.D: How about "J.D., I think there might be something living inside my uterus."
J.D: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?" [talking to himself]: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline. You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall! [continues out loud]: So the moth says.. "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And...and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that." [talking to himself]: "The light was on"! [continues]: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" "The light James, Moth's love light."
I Love the "My ABC'S" episode, Joe is really insensitive to patients, so J.D. has elmo help them out:
Elmo: Ooh Ooh elmo would like to help!
J.D.: Hey joe, come here a sec.
(She comes)
Elmo: whoo, hubba hubba
J.D.: You be the patient, Ill be the doctor
Elmo: (Dissapears and comes back in hospital gown) Ooh hows this?
J.D.: Its ok buddy, were going to take care of you
Elmo: Elmo knows that together, we can get through this
J.D: Anndddd.... Scene!
Joe: I get it now (thumbs up)
Elmo: Yay! she gets it, she really gets it (Sings song)
(J.D. and Joe dance)
J.D.:(Elmo wont let go of joe) Ok easy buddy
Elmo: What, she your woman?
(J.D. stops day dreaming)
J.D.: (To carla) What is elmo? a seal?
Janitor-congratulations on becoming a resident, glad i could help
J.D-you didnt help, you were awful to me!
J.D falls out of a tree at the garbage mans house with the ostrich's...
Turk- dont worry buddy its says ostrich's are very docile creatures
J.D- well thats good
Turk- it also says their kick can kill a man
J.D on phone with Elliot-Say Hooch!
Elliot- why?
J.D-just say hooch
Elliot-Hooch?
Hooch- oh my god what now?!
Elliot- im not really sure whats going on here
Hooch-or course you dont..say hooch one more time and it will the last thing you say
J.D-hooch is crazy!
my favorite one liner from scrubs was when jd was in the pocket of dr cox's coat and he pulls it out and jd says "and thats why you never trust a camel" omg i laughed so hard. ive only seen it once and i cant find it again.
OK very1 i like the 1 in season 6.
(j.d) i like molly but she wasnt very nice.
)molly clock) hey jd if u want to sit down i move over or even stand.
(J.D) THinks) What a BITCH! slams the tray as he sits on end
Dr Cox- carla im going to say something i hope i never have to say to another woman..please oh please put down the cup of urine
J.D after he is pretending to talk for 2 other people(DR cox and his sister) J.D says PIIIEEEEE
Carla- jd we dont all love journey as much as u do
J.D- i dont love journey
Turk- Shes justa small town girlllllll
J.d- Living in a looonnnllleeyyy worrlld she took the midnight train going annnyyyyywwhhhheeerrreee
OK i love them book em there called the lovviinnn touchin squeezings
Elliot: my uterus is glowing...
JD: My mom had a uterus. I lived in it.
:)
&
Jordan: rmember when my dog died, and you said he went to doggy hell, just like my mom would when she died?
Dr Cox: Because of her doggy face.
Jordan: RIIIIGHT! i wanted to do you right there in the vets office.
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Beardface: ITS BEARDFASAY GODDAMN YOU!!!
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Dr. Cox: You ok there Newbie?
JD: NO, Im fine, afterall, Elliot is a good doctor. I do have three questions, though. Why do you hate me when I show you nothing but love? Who's gonna tell my Mom, and WHAT HELL I AM SUPPOSED TO DO WITH 10,000 JOHN DORIAN: CHIEF OF RESIDENCY BUSINESS CARDS?!
Dr. Cox: JORDAN GODZILLA SULLIVAN!
Kelso: hey Ace, your TTP patient coded, I pronounced him ...
JD: he died?
Kelso: I certainly hope so otherwise that autopsy gonna be a bitch ...
*
Dr. Cox: What in the name of Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret were you thinking?
*
Elliot: You know I kinda had a date last night?
J.D.: Really?
Elliot: Yeah, a guy on the bus fell asleep on me and drooled on my shoulder.
J.D.: ...You slut.
*
J.D.: I want you to know, if I ever need surgery again, I want you inside of me.
Turk: I wanna be the one inside of you.
*
Janitor: Girl problems?
J.D.: How'd you know?
Janitor: Look like you got problems. You're a girl. Girl problems.
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Scrubs_(TVV_s
there's tons here ^^ I only read through the first season though...
Dr Cox: Its only seconds in and i'm already regretting my decision
JD (Rings a bell): Things Jordan says during sex
JD (Drops his folders): There a good chance i could kill someone today
Dr Cox (Rings a bell): Things you say to your patients
lol that one made me laugh.
Oh and:
Julie: (To Dr. Cox) Did you know before J.D. was born his parents didn't know if he would be a boy or a girl so the first three months they called him Joanna.
Lol that one cracked me up too (:
JD: The world's greatest trick was convincing the word he didn't exist
My favourites -
Seris one. J.D: "I'm a doctor and i'm scared of sick people. Wanna get a picture with me ?"
Can't remember what seris, i think four or five. Elliot: Well she's a teenage girl, that's an awkward time. You know, your breasts are growing, not always symmetrically. Um, you like boys. Maybe one gives you a ride home, you think something's gonna happen but it doesn't and that just makes it official that you're a lop-sided freak. Happy ending though: lefty caught up in college.
J.D: Were you ever planning on telling me?
Kim: Yes, But I didn't know what to say.
J.D: How about "J.D., I think there might be something living inside my uterus."
J.D: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?" [talking to himself]: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline. You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall! [continues out loud]: So the moth says.. "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And...and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that." [talking to himself]: "The light was on"! [continues]: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" "The light James, Moth's love light."
Aha, and of course Dr Cox's many rants. :'D
http://www.dvdsetshop.com/products/Scruubs
Dr. Maddox: Hey, how come all you have in here is a smiley face button and a revolver?
Ted: Well, one's in case I get sad...and the other one's in case I get really sad.
Dr. Maddox: Well, see you tomorrow.
Ted: We'll see
--------------------------------
An earlier season (not sure which one)
Janitor: What's up?
J.D.: Nothing. What is up with you, man?
Janitor: I always get this way in the fall, you know. Summer's gone, the days are shorter, it just makes me feel so...what's the word?
J.D.: Sad?
Janitor: Yes, that's it. I'm a janitor, so I couldn't think of the word, "sad". I was gonna say it makes me feel so mop.
J.D.: Let me explain, I...
Janitor: Go ahead, I'm mopping.
J.D.: Maybe I shouldn't bother...
Janitor: Maybe you mopn't.
(And later in the lunch line)
Janitor: Fork! Me can't eat soup! Ahhhhhh!!
Elmo: Ooh Ooh elmo would like to help!
J.D.: Hey joe, come here a sec.
(She comes)
Elmo: whoo, hubba hubba
J.D.: You be the patient, Ill be the doctor
Elmo: (Dissapears and comes back in hospital gown) Ooh hows this?
J.D.: Its ok buddy, were going to take care of you
Elmo: Elmo knows that together, we can get through this
J.D: Anndddd.... Scene!
Joe: I get it now (thumbs up)
Elmo: Yay! she gets it, she really gets it (Sings song)
(J.D. and Joe dance)
J.D.:(Elmo wont let go of joe) Ok easy buddy
Elmo: What, she your woman?
(J.D. stops day dreaming)
J.D.: (To carla) What is elmo? a seal?
haha
Elliot (to JD): Hey, I was just dreaming about you. You were... we were.... Hey. :D
Janitor-congratulations on becoming a resident, glad i could help
J.D-you didnt help, you were awful to me!
J.D falls out of a tree at the garbage mans house with the ostrich's...
Turk- dont worry buddy its says ostrich's are very docile creatures
J.D- well thats good
Turk- it also says their kick can kill a man
J.D on phone with Elliot-Say Hooch!
Elliot- why?
J.D-just say hooch
Elliot-Hooch?
Hooch- oh my god what now?!
Elliot- im not really sure whats going on here
Hooch-or course you dont..say hooch one more time and it will the last thing you say
J.D-hooch is crazy!
I can't stop quoting this My Philosophy moment at the moment, either:
Dr. Cox: Oh, my God! You must stop watching The Lion King!
J.D.: I like that baby lion cub. What's his name?
Dr. Cox: Uh..Simba?
J.D.: Trick question! You like it, too!
JANITOR: your weird...
LADY: *blushes*
JANITOR:...i like that
:) makes you go AWWWWWW
Kelso: You win again, you always do you chocolate bitch
(j.d) i like molly but she wasnt very nice.
)molly clock) hey jd if u want to sit down i move over or even stand.
(J.D) THinks) What a BITCH! slams the tray as he sits on end
J.D after he is pretending to talk for 2 other people(DR cox and his sister) J.D says PIIIEEEEE
Carla- jd we dont all love journey as much as u do
J.D- i dont love journey
Turk- Shes justa small town girlllllll
J.d- Living in a looonnnllleeyyy worrlld she took the midnight train going annnyyyyywwhhhheeerrreee
OK i love them book em there called the lovviinnn touchin squeezings
JD: My mom had a uterus. I lived in it.
:)
&
Jordan: rmember when my dog died, and you said he went to doggy hell, just like my mom would when she died?
Dr Cox: Because of her doggy face.
Jordan: RIIIIGHT! i wanted to do you right there in the vets office.