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Home of the Ancients
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Invite friend
Script for season 4
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Adrift [4.01] Ronon: Pull it out now. Doctor: I can't do that, it may have punctured an artery. Ronon: Pull...it...out. Doctor: Yeah, yeah I get it you're a tough guy. If you want to take it out yourself... [Ronon attempts to remove the glass] Doctor: Are you crazy!? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr. McKay: It's like the video game 'Asteroids'. Lt. Col Sheppard: Whatever works for you. Dr McKay: I was terrible at 'Asteroids'. I think I actually scored zero once. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr McKay: Told you I wasn't good at 'Asteroids'. Lifeline [4.02] Lt. Col Sheppard: How's it going? Dr. McKay: Well I would be making a lot more progress if 'Timmy Torture' here didn't try to kill me every two seconds. Dr. Zelenka: I wasn't trying to kill him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr McKay: We're coming into re-entry. Dr Lee: You mean entry. You see, we haven't actually entered the pl... Col. Carter: Bill! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr McKay: I want you to land this city gently, like a leaf, kissing the surface of a pond! [Sheppard is in the control chair, trying to land Atlantis on M35-117, and crash lands. People fall down because of the crash land] Dr McKay: Nice, kissing! Reunion [4.03] Lt. Col Sheppard: What's that? Dr. McKay: It's a selection of fruits from the various worlds we trade with. I thought it'd be thoughtful. Lt. Col. Sheppard: Try lame. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr. McKay: Anyway... look, I just uh, just came by to uh, welcome you to Atlantis, see how you're setting in and uh, you know, if you needed anything and uh, did I mention I was seeing someone? Col. Carter: I'm sorry, what? Dr. McKay: I'm uh, seeing someone. Yes I only bring it up now because you're here, now, and we'll be working together a lot more and uh, you know, I just thought with our past... Col. Carter: Our "past"? Dr. McKay: Well you know, the unrequited lust that's been hanging over our heads for what seems like forever. Col. Carter: Rodney-- Dr. McKay: I just don't want things to be awkward between the two of us, you know, uh... [pause] Dr. McKay: Kind of like they are now. Col. Carter: Rodney... I'm sure we'll be fine. Dr. McKay: Oh of course, I mean, I'll be fine... I'm just, with you... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tyre: This is it. Dr. McKay: Hurry up! Ronon: I got it. [Ronon shoots the door control, which promptly opens the door] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lt. Col. Sheppard: This thing's been way too quiet and way too easy. Dr. McKay: I kinda like quiet and easy. Makes for a nice change. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Rodney attempts to open a door while Sheppard fights off a Wraith attack] Lt. Col. Sheppard: Rodney, get that door open! Dr. McKay: Aw, to hell with it! [Rodney fires at the door control, destroying it, with no effect on the door] Dr. McKay: Aw, come on, it worked for him! [edit] Doppelganger [4.04] Lt. Col Sheppard: I'm gonna recommend sending a science team when we get back. Dr. McKay: I am a science team. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Teyla is telling Ronon and McKay about her dream] Teyla: I can not begin to tell you how bizarre it was. Dr. McKay: Please. You want bizarre, let me tell you... Ronon: You know what? Don't. [Sheppard joins them] Lt. Col. Sheppard: Morning. [Pause] Lt. Col. Sheppard: What? Dr. McKay: Teyla had a dream about you last night. Teyla: [Annoyed] Rodney. Lt. Col. Sheppard: Really? What was it about? Teyla: Actually it was more of a nightmare and I'd rather not talk about it. Lt. Col. Sheppard: Was I the dashing hero saving you from the big bad monster? Ronon: Actually, you were the big bad monster. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lt. Col. Sheppard: We were sparring and I got in a lucky shot. Dr. Keller: It's the middle of the night. Ronon: Maybe for you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr. Keller: [About her dream] It was terrifying. There you were with this disgusting alien bug crawling out of your stomach and Colonel Sheppard was acting as it was the coolest thing he'd ever seen. Ronon: It sounds like that movie. Dr. Keller: Yeah, Alien. Have you seen it? Teyla: Colonel Sheppard speaks of it often. Dr. McKay: I remember the first time I saw it. Certainly did not think it was cool. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr. Kate Heightmeyer: Now based on what's been described to me, the personification of Colonel Sheppard in everyone's dreams, is behaving much like a sociopath. Lt. Col. Sheppard: Did I have a goatee? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Sheppard and McKay are in McKay's dream, rowing towards Atlantis] Lt. Col. Sheppard: You know? This really isn't as strange as you made me believe. Dr. McKay: Oh yeah? What about that? [McKay points to a clown that appeared behind them] Lt. Col. Sheppard: I hate clowns. Travelers [4.05] [Larrin walks into Sheppard's cell] Sheppard: What's going on? [Larrin punches him] Sheppard: Ow! What was that for? [Larrin punches him again] Sheppard: Stop that! Larrin: I'll stop, if you'll stop lying! You broadcasted a signal, didn't you? Sheppard: Yes. [Larrin punches him again] Sheppard: You said Stop! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [A Wraith is about to feed on Larrin, when he notices Sheppard pointing a gun to his head. Little does he know, the gun is empty] Sheppard: I can see you just fed, which means that your regenarating abilities are at maximum. But I seriously doubt you can grow a new head. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- McKay: No, there's something you're not telling us - she was hot, wasn't she? Sheppard: I don't know what you're talking about. McKay: Aw, I knew it. That is so typical. Sheppard: She had me beat Rodney! She threatened to kill me several times. It wasn't like we were hanging out in the spa together. McKay: Whatever. All that I know is that every time I get taken captive, it's the Wraith. Just once, I would like to be taken prisoner by the sexy alien. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sheppard: Sure you wanna go through with this? If you don't make it, I'll feel responsible and, well I really don't need the guilt. Larrin: I'll be fine as long as you don't shoot too early. I'm sure that's not the first time you've heard that from a woman. Sheppard: On the other hand, I might be able to live with it! Tabula Rasa [4.06] [telling an unimpressed Rodney about a cactus] Katie: Well, it doesn't have a name yet, but I'm thinking of calling it - [hesitates] - Rodneyani valosa - after you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr. Keller: Dr Brown. I see you've brought my number one patient. Dr. McKay: What? Oh, no, we're not here for me this time. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr. McKay: It started suddenly, and then it just stopped. Dr. Keller: Okay, well, I appreciate you telling me. Dr. McKay: Aren't you gonna do anything? Dr. Keller: To be honest, I don't see how it's relevant. Dr. McKay: Well, it's a new symptom. I thought it just might be important. Dr. Keller: I don't see how a tingling sensation in your knees relates to this condition, especially since you're the only one experiencing it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lt. Col. Sheppard: You showing any signs? Dr. McKay: Headache. Lt. Col. Sheppard: Yeah, same here. Dr. McKay: Five bucks says you start losing your memories first. Lt. Col. Sheppard: Rodney! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Dr. McKay is starting to forget things] Teyla [to Dr. McKay]: What is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter? Dr. McKay:Well, that's pi, it's 3.14159265 etc, etc... Oh, t-that doesn't count, that's easy. Teyla: You are a scientist, Rodney, that is what you care about, that is what you will hang on to the longest. Dr. McKay:Right, right, so... [pause] Wait a minute, doesn't that make me a really bad person? Teyla:It makes you the type of person who is going to save all our lives. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Everyone in Atlantis has lost their memory, apart from Teyla and Ronon. Ronon tells Lorne to take out a polaroid from his vest pocket of Sheppard telling Lorne he is the Commanding Officer] Lt. Col. Sheppard: That's right, I'm your Commanding officer, so you should do what I say. Maj. Lorne: Yes, sir, What are our orders. [Sheppard, confused for a moment turns to Ronon] Lt. Col. Sheppard: Do what he says. Missing [4.07] Dr. Keller: Ibuprofen. Helps with the pain and swelling. Teyla: Yes, Dr. McKay uses them frequently, along with antihistamines, antacids, motion-sickness pills… Dr. Keller: You forgot the prescription I wrote him for restless leg syndrome. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nabel: You're a doctor, a healer, not a killer. Dr. Keller: You’re right, I am a healer. But first I need something to heal. [shoots him in the knee] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Teyla has caught a squid-looking creature for dinner] Teyla: The taste leaves much to be desired but it will sustain you. Dr. Keller: [grimacing] Oh, no thanks. I'm not hungry. Teyla: You should eat. Dr. Keller: This was my least favourite part of 'Survivor'. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ronon: [About the Bola Kai] Don't worry. They're primitive. We can handle them. Dr. McKay: Define 'primitive'. Ronon: Clubs and arrows. Dr. McKay: Hey, arrows can hurt! Ronon: Only if you're stupid enough to get hit in the ass with one. The Seer [4.08] [regarding psychic powers] Dr. McKay: Well, gee, let me think. Umm, no. Look, in a mechanical, Newtonian universe, not a problem. I mean, you know enough variables, you can predict the outcome; but quantum physics blows that out of the water. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr. McKay: Allow me to make a prediction. This will be a complete waste of time. Lt. Col. Sheppard: I knew you were gonna say that. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Davos: [to a cynical Rodney] You have doubt in your heart. Dr. McKay: Anyone with a basic understanding of body language could have told you that. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Col. Carter: You have had more experience with the Wraith than just about anyone, and in particular with this Wraith. You have a history. Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, it's not like we're dating. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Todd: I believe among your people it is customary to shake hands. [Todd offers his right hand to Col. Carter. Everyone in the room points their gun at the Wraith. He begins to laugh and waves his hand disparagingly.] Todd: Just a little Wraith humour. [laughs] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ronon: That's it? That's your superweapon? Dr. McKay: Well, what were you expecting? Ronon: A big gun? Something that goes boom? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr. McKay: Think about it - a single hive off by itself out in the middle of nowhere, orbiting a supposedly uninhabited planet. That's bound to raise a few eyebrows - [looks at Todd] - I mean, if you had eyebrows. Miller's Crossing [4.09] Zelenka: [to Rodney] I cannot sit here waiting for you to have an epiphany! I'm losing the will to live! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lt. Col. Sheppard: Have you learned any new information yet? Barrett: No, not yet. The NID is liaising with Canadian Security Intelligence Service [pronounced see-sis] on the ground. They are expecting us. Lt. Col. Sheppard: C-what now? Dr. McKay: Canadian Security Intelligence Services. They're kind of like your CIA. Lt. Col. Sheppard: [sarcastically] CSIS, that's the best you guys can do, huh? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Ronon is dressed in civvies - blue jeans and black jacket] Ronon: I look dumb! Lt. Col. Sheppard: Helps you blend in a little. Ronon: I'm gonna stand out no matter what you dress me in. Lt. Col. Sheppard: [considering his hair] That's a good point. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Rodney is captured and reunited with Jeannie] Dr. McKay: [looking around the room] What is this, a lab? Jeannie: Wow, that's some great detective work there, Nancy Drew! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wallace: The best doctors in the world have told her to start saying her goodbyes, begin making funeral plans. Dr. McKay: That's what I'm saying – neither of us are doctors. Look, yes, I have a Ph.D. – two, actually... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jeannie: I can't believe I am betting my life on your sense of direction! Dr. McKay: What are you talking about?! I've got an excellent sense of direction! Jeannie: Oh, really? Remember when we went to West Edmonton Mall and Dad had to call the police to find you? Dr. McKay: That mall was huge! Jeannie: There were maps every seven metres! Dr. McKay: Misleading ones! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jeannie: [about Katie Brown] So, are you gonna marry her? Dr. McKay: I don't know. Jeannie: You've been dating over a year now. Dr. McKay: [irritated] I'm aware of that, thank you! Jeannie: You think you're gonna find someone better? Dr. McKay: No, it's not that. Jeannie: [laughing] 'Cause you're not! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jeannie: The fact that you found a nice girl who's willing to put up with all your many little flaws is a miracle. Dr. McKay: Look - Jeannie: Plus, physically well - how do I put this? You're no John Sheppard. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr. McKay: Say, you and I are about even when it comes to looks right? Lt. Col. Sheppard: Who's been lying to you? Dr. McKay: No, I'm serious. Lt. Col. Sheppard: I am too. Who's been lying to you? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Ronon is eating in the commissary, looking on in boredom as Walter rambles until Sheppard enters] Ronon: [hopeful] Tell me you have something! Lt. Col. Sheppard: Devlin Medical Technologies. Ronon: That means... Lt. Col. Sheppard: You've got somebody to point your gun at. Ronon: [enthused] Sweet! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jeannie: And I'm gonna hold this over your head, for like - forever. Dr. McKay: Oh, that's totally fair. Jeannie: Like, you're gonna eat a lot of vegetarian food ... and not complain about it. Dr. McKay: Sure, sure. Jeannie: And you're gonna read Madison three stories instead of her usual two. Dr. McKay: Right. Jeannie: You're gonna buy me a car. Dr. McKay: Let's not get out of control here... This Mortal Coil [4.10] John: [upon seeing his clone] Great. The last time I came face to face with myself I ending up kicking my own ass. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Replicator Rodney: [excited] Humanity is about benefit from the world's greatest mind - times two. Rodney: Can you imagine? Replicator John: I'm trying not to. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Replicator John: Wait a minute. we can't go back to Atlantis because we're a security risk. John: He - I have a point. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Replicator John: Have we made any progress? Replicator Rodney: Yeah, the Gate's not working. Replicator John: I think we figured that much last week when you broke it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rodney: [To Sheppard] If this works, we should be able to track every Aurora-class Replicator ship in the galaxy in realtime. [A few ships show up on the screen] Rodney: Well, that's not so bad. I guess the Wraith have really taken a toll. [The number of ships doubles] Rodney: On the other hand, my duplicate did say they were building more. [The ships double again] Rodney: A lot more. [The screen fades out. More ships are heard showing up] Rodney: Oh, crap.
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