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"Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries, that all started with a big bang! Bang!"
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You Know You're Obsessed When...
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I've been making this list over the past four months or so. Far more of these apply to me than I care to mention.
Oh, and one more thing. I understand that a few are opinion based and that my opinion may differ from others'. You know you are obsessed and consumed by The Big Bang Theory when… You play “Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock” to resolve disputes. You do three knock cadences when summoning someone. You know all the words to “Soft Kitty.” You have sung the aforementioned song as a round. You shout “We built the pyramids!” during the theme song. You know that Tweedy Bird really “taht he taw a Romulen.” Your comeback to bullying is “a homo habilis discovering its opposable thumbs says what?” You label everything in the house, including the label maker. You know the full names of Leonard, Sheldon, and Raj. You know that when you understand the laws of physics that anything is possible. (Mua ha ha) You can recite one or more of Sheldon’s “typical psychotic rants.” You know that autotrophs don’t drool, but you love the theme song anyway. When you watch Star Wars, you say, “We defeated the empire!” You compare your boyfriend to Ernie from “Sesame Street.” You know the difference between the Doppler Effect and “A brain-damaged choo choo train.” You interpret hugs based on the length in “Mississippis.” Corduroy suits suddenly don’t seem so bad. You call your collection of nerdy belongings “Nerdvana.” You want luminous fish. Unimpressed by the ‘performance’ of a significant other, you flatly refer to them as “you magnificent beast.” You use Schrödinger’s cat as metaphors for relationships. You shout “Bazinga!” when celebrating the tricking of someone. You play the element game with your friends in the car. You’ll buy things because “the man on the box looks so happy!” You have a sarcasm sign. You compare platonic relationships to “individually wrapped slices of cheese.” You know that “credit card, alcohol and TV are a bad combination,” and “It was just a hug,” really is Penny-Speak for, “It means I wish you weren’t going.” You know you can call “dibs” because you can look it up on Wikipedia. You have a board. You try to blow up someone’s head with your mind. You tell people that you’ve “got your geek on.” You know that ANYTHING beats, “you know I’m a dude,” right? You know all the words to the theme song. You have an Honorary Justice League of America membership card because it says “keep this on your person at all times,” under Batman’s signature. You use “AFK” as a busy status on the computer. You weave “Un-unwravelable” webs while lying. You play “Mock the Flawed Technology” with a cell phone. In restaurants, you don’t allow “substitutions, eliminations,” or “reductions.” You know the advantages of buying in bulk. You’d pick the museum of natural history over the planetarium because they have dinosaurs. You reference Star Trek battle scenes as a means of explaining yourself. You can name seven guys Penny has been with. You know that someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah “cuz I sold my soul to the company store.” You tell someone, in Mandarin, that their monkey sleeps inside you. You know it’s a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable and a lot wrong to say it’s a suspension bridge. You refer to things as “a hoot and a half.” Someone suggests something preposterous and you agree to it, suggesting afterwards to go pilin’ in a pickup and go skinny dipping down at the crick. You look for the acoustic sweet spot in a movie theater. You know that what happens in costume at Comic Con stays at Comic Con! You have a tie that works as two, and yet doesn’t even work as one. You have a friendship algorithm. Someone respects one of your idiosyncrasies and you offer them chocolate. You inform people you are hitting on what your race invented, adding, “You’re welcome.” You imitate Admiral Akbar saying “It’s a trap!” Someone you know storms away and you respond by sticking up your pinkie and saying “sisters?” You know that nothing is interesting about caves. You tell brave friends that minstrels will write songs about them, taking the part of the minstrel. You say “hola, nerdmigos!” You laugh at the same things over and over again. You have the picture of the LOL Cat that wants to “Haz Cheezeburger.” Your excuse for getting teased about a nerdy possession is “it’s a lot cooler when girls aren’t looking at it.” You refuse to cut open a dumpling. You name your cat Sergeant Fuzzy Boots. You understand why one can’t wear a warrior flight suit on Halloween. You can no longer read “The Little Engine That Could.” Your alternative name for sex is “hyna klyna bang-bang music!” You know that the check engine light being on means that you should…you know…check your engine! You understand that for someone to miss you, you have to be gone. You diagnose Tourettes Syndrome when someone randomly swears. You really want a Snuggie, so you can get “all snoodled up.” After greeting your parents, you say, “I’m not drunk,” afterwards explaining that you are just making conversation. You say, “Holy crap on a cracker!” You start ordering your barbecue bacon cheeseburger with “barbecue, bacon, and cheese on the side.” You have a favorite place to “kick back after a quest.” You call your boyfriend your little homunculus. You instruct people you are feuding with to kiss your Barbie. You want to be a rabbit king. After making a date with someone, you inform them that you’ll get your chisel. You are suddenly afraid of every shower without adhesive ducks. You add “bam!” to the end of every sentence. You try to make corn starch and water dance on a stereo. You say “shmear me,” and know what that means. You know that love is a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms or hits you with the pepper spray. You know the difference between “centrifugal” and “centripetal” force. You hear “manganese” and laugh to yourself. You celebrate “Anything Can Happen Thursday.” You hear someone say “PMS” or “AA,” and think of the Perpetual Motion Squad and the Army Ants. You end all voice messages with, “It’s Howard.” Your response to people questioning your behavior is “it’s an experiment.” You tell people that they need to picture you with a giant squid head. You inform people that it is “Junior Rodeo On!” You continue to root for Leonard and Penny despite cliffhangers and teases. You sort your cereal by fiber content. A Mexican Hairless is mentioned and you say, “annoying little animal; yip yip yip!” You know the name of every episode… …in order. You order Virgin Diet Cuba Libres at bars. You know you’re not insane because your mother had you tested. You can be persuaded by Spock’s Dying Words. You say that a relationship that ended badly “crashed to the ground like blue ice falling out of an airplane lavatory.” You explain that the seat beside you is taken by “my physics bowl trophy!” You can name at least five nicknames for Sheldon. You call yourself or a particularly spontaneous acquaintance, “a big ol’ five.” You see multiple interpretations of titles, such as, “The Monopolar Expedition.” You don’t want Sheldon to ever-ever, get a girlfriend. You know how many days it is to the next new episode (even over a summer). You do a high pitched “he he he he he he!” when trying to be intimidating. You use lines from the show in casual conversation. You have a bowl for your keys. You hold out the word “bowl” when discussing your bowl for keys. You award “strikes” to your friends for breaking unwritten “rules” in your home. You want Sheldon’s contraption that folds laundry. You try to smash a flash frozen banana. You call yourself “the small package good things come in” when trying to pick up girls. You disguise your voice over the phone and ask people why they are calling at such an “ungodly” hour. You get a new friend and start chanting “one of us, one of us…” You make sure your temporary bed is oriented with the headboard away from the door. Someone asks who you are and you say, “I am Sheldon’s cousin Leo…” A friend tells someone that they are dead to them, and you go on to explain exactly what that means. The first thing you share with people about yourself is your Zodiac sign. After listening to a painful melody, say with a lot of emotion, “God, that’s a good song!” You won’t have anyone touch your food. You look up the definition of “quantum mechanics” because it’s referenced so much. You have a special “spot” you always must sit in. You want “the bleep” to be replaced by a boing! and an atom picture… And when you don’t need any more explanation on the previous statement. You tell people you are arguing with that “you and I are about to have a problem.” You are asked to tell a secret and reply “I’m Batman! Shhh!” |
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