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Update: Some of you may have missed it, but the winners of the contest were posted last week in the comments. They are:
Haiku Category: moradik1
Limerick Category: WorshipDwight
All-Around Office Poet: Temptasia
(we were able to offer a 3rd prize!)
Details of the winners are found below in the comments section.
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Hey all you Office fans. With the release of the Season 3 DVD set and the coming one-hour premiere of Season 4 on September 27th on NBC, we thought it would be fun to hold a little contest. What better way to celebrate the witty, profound and utterly quotable Office than through the high-minded literary art form of poetry?
And now, the nitty-gritty details - please, please do not skip this part!
Prizes
2 copies of "The Office Season Three" DVD
* One copy awarded to the winner in the "Haiku" category
* One copy awarded to the winner in the "Limerick" category
(you can argue amongst yourselves which form is Office Olympics worthy)
Rules
* Poems must be original works written by the entrant
* To submit a poem for consideration, it must be posted in the comments of this soapbox (don't post them in a separate forum or pm me)
* You may participate in both categories (haiku and limerick)
* You may submit multiple poems within a single category
* Poems must be submitted by the contest deadline. The deadline for submissions is: September 4th, 2007 at 11:59pm, Pacific Standard Time
* Poems must not violate our Terms of Service (please nothing obscene). As always, we reserve the right to remove or disqualify any submissions due to ToS violations
* Winners will be selected by a panel of "literate" judges. Winners will be announced by the following week
* Fanpop reserves the right to modify or amend the rules to this contest as necessary
Judging Criteria
Your masterpieces will be judged on a number of factors. Here are some important ones to be aware of:
1. Form: You need to follow the basic form of the poem type (if your Homeric epic, don't expect to win)
2. Profunditi...mity*
3. Creativiniminess*
4. Hillariti...ous...ness*
* as Michael Scott might (mis)pronounce it
Haiku Category
Harold, one of our Fanpop users already provided an excellent definition in a prior contest he ran, so I'm going to quote him here:
"In case anyone does not remember how haiku works, here's a quick primer. In English, it's simple: a line with five syllables, then a line of seven syllables, then a last line of five syllables. No other structure is necessary."
Here is a sample from me (not eligible for the contest - and quite terrible)
Threat Level Midnight
Someone sabotage paper
Scarn, you must save us!
Limerick Category
If you don't know what a limerick is, here are some online resources to help you:
*Limericks: Definition & Techniques
*Wikipedia Article on Limericks
*Limericks by Famous Writers
Here is a sample (not eligible for the contest since it's mine, and it's terrible):
There once was a man named Dwight Schrute
His favorite food was beet root
A farmer named Mose
Said "what's up my bro"
Dwight answered, "We're cousins, you coot!"
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At least you don't need to compete in Flonkerton
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Join this Spot
Invite friend 
There once was a prankster named Jim
Pam Beasly’s the girl for him
But, Alas! She’s engaged
So Jim’s love must be caged
The prospects for JAM look quite grim
My Haiku:
At Nine-Eight Central
September Twenty-Seventh
Big Office Premiere
There once was a man named Creed
Yes a strange man indeed
He loved to steal
What was the appeal?
His kleptomania he must feed
My Haiku
The Office Premiere
Pam Beesley and Jim Halpert
Right then, Its a date!
Michael cooked his foot
Is the skin red and swollen?
That is what she said
"You can't fire me
Cause I don't work in this van"
"Give me the bottle!"
Somebody save me
I've had a bad accident
Please just don't send Dwight!
Cocussion for Dwight
Huggy Huggys for Pam
She's kind of Dwight's friend
A burnt cheese pita
That was Ryan's claim to "flame"
He's the fire guy
On the Leader"SHIP"
Jim saves the receptionist
So who would YOU save?
Started with a kiss
Now Michael is stuck with this
Are Jan's boobs enough?
Office Olympics
Lids of blue, silver, and gold
And flying paper doves
Telekinesis
A coat rack and unmbrella
Another great prank
Assasination
That was George Foreman's grand scheme
Though scarred Michael lives
I feel off the pot
I need to be cleaned up
Toby says Ryan's dead
The smell of bacon
A sizzling death wish
Do not step on George!
OR
The smell of bacon
A sizzling death wish
Michael watch your step!
The Regional Manager’s Mike.
For the kids he donated a bike
Carol gave him the dump
To Benihana with the grump!
And now there’s a new girl to like
We are just like Friends
I am Joey and Chandler
Dwight would be Kramer
Roy attacks Halpert
Dwight defends with pepper spray
He's not a hero
Another one (based on "The Return")
Jim hides Andy's phone
He calls it repeatedly
Andy punches wall
And one more
Once toured with Clapton
Recently learned he has kids
The man they call Creed
btw good luck to all
Who always eluded to the fact he knew how to fight
One day he hit Michael
Through a strange plot cycle
He became Assistant Regional Manager that night
Jam's romance goes straight to the heart
We cheer for them all
We wait for the fall
For us to be no more apart
Beware of all bears!
The two companies did merge.
JAM hooked up at last.
haiku for Dwight
Knowing about Bears,
Battlestar Galacticia
and the Shrute Farm Beats.
Michael offends the office
Just another day
She came from Stamford
Got dumped by a fountain
Not how Karen planned
It's Casino Night
Drinks and lights and cards and cash
And heartbreak to boot
Andrew Bernard sings
Sweet melodies fill the office
Cell in the ceiling
Dwight, you screwed the pooch.
I am not the hero here.
Dwight and Mose's beets
There once was man called Scott,
In the parking lot, he smoked his pot.
An Alicia Keys fan, he's not a real man
-because he thinks Ryan is hot!
Another one of mine (this is based on the ending of "Casino Night":
There one was sad man named Jim
Who confessed his love on a whim
Without much success, though he did try his best
Pam leaves with a man that's not him
My Haiku:
The World does now stop
You cannot control it all
Laughter consumes you.
Good Luck to all, as well!
Drunk at the Dundies
Ice Melts and it's second drink
This Dundie's from God
I've got no butler
Love bacon in the morning
So sue me, okay
Feel off the toliet
Ryan who's 'spost to be dead
Bring a wet towel
Jan's sexy perfume
Please don't smell me Michael
The kiss meant nothing
Agent Michael Scarn
Can't date Catherine Zeta-Jones
It would never work
Hot receptionist
Dunder Mifflin this is Pam
Tries to look busy
Michael sure hates him
And all he chooses to be
That poor sad Toby
Michael wanted to borrow the bailer
Darryl said, “Mike, you’re drunk as a sailor!”
Michael took the machine
And we hear a loud scream
Well, now Michael lives with a jailer
Prism Duro Sport
Chunkier and more solid
Songs two cents apiece
Big Inflated Floating away
Go Tell someone it
Michael Scott is the
King of the email forwards
"I don't write them guys"
Dwight has hit his head!
He vomited on his car
See you later, Pan
Dwight versus Halpert
Never ending battle of wit
Dwight is always fooled
That is what she said
Help me! Sexual Harassment!
Wow. That is so hard.
My limeric:
Jim Halpert vs. Roy
How do I choose my boy
Halpert is great
and Roy gets irrate
It seems easy, but its not.
There once was a man named Stanley
Who just didn't care about any
He loved pretzel day
But got carried away
So now Michael's in back of the line.
My haiku:
Ryan it was you
Someone started the fire
The hot pocket good?
There once was a man named Dwight
Whose logic was quite out of sight
If you wish to know facts
There are none that he lacks
Please join with him in his plight.
Another Haiku:
Michael is sexist
Women's appreciation.
Foliage is safe.
There once was a lady named Phyllis
Who got flashed once on the premises
Michael found out about it
And asked Toby to show it
And now Dwight is the one that's at large.
My haiku:
Who else has two thumbs?
Why does Michael like him so?
Todd Packer's a jerk
There once was a lady named Karen
Who fell head over heels for Jim
But now she is saddened
Because they have parted
She now wishes evil things upon him.
My haiku:
Kelly likes to talk
Ryan could be gone quickly
What a match they are?!
There was once was image that was obscene
This little prank was quite mean
The image was very sexual
Dwight claimed it was consensual
It looks like the end of Dunder Mifflin.
In Britain they are Dawn and Tim
But either way
At the end of the day
I want her to be with him
In this office day in and day out
Paper is sold with many a doubt
It soon will be clear
It’s Michael’s great fear
The salespeople will soon start to pout
Hidden away at that strange little farm
Is a man named Mose who means no harm
You’ll find him there
Charging a fare
For visitors to shoot beets with a firearm
There once was a man with bad taste in ties
He was annoying to everyone and had crazy eyes
Sometimes he’d be in a rage
Dating girls who are underage
That Andy needs to learn to be more wise
MY HAIKUS:
One salesman is thrilled
There is no doubt about this
Pretzel Day is here
Meredith is sick
Her job she can not do well
Try sobriety
He has two thumbs up
And asks who hates Todd Packer
That is Jim Halpert
Creed does so little
Creepy and weird describe him
But we love that dude
She had surgery
Now Michael is back with Jan
Some men are not smart
Angela and Dwight
True love keeps them together
A romance they hide
On the beach one night
A girl spilled her deep secrets
She misses her friend
Floating away there
A man in a giant suit
Poor Andy Bernard
Jim and Pam Halpert
That would be nice, even nicer
would be Pam Hyzak
(Hyzak's my last name)
Limerick:
Dwight, Dwight, you ignorant slut,
Your beets are amazing,
and so are you, but
I fear that Michael won't give you his heart,
so here's to that short blonde, little tart.
Identity Theft.
You may call it flattery.
It isn't a Joke.
Pepper spray, nunchucks, bo staff
Ready for Action!
There once was a man named Andy
Who surprisingly isn't very handy
He got angry one day
And got carried away
And now his new name is Drew.
My haiku:
Trip to the beet farm
Will now plant my seed in you
Oh great now he's gone.
with characters Jim, Dwight and Andy
Jim so loves pam,
Dwight is a ham
and andy has a case of bird flu
The moral lessons are handy
that we learn from a man named andy
He punched in a wall,
and then got a call
and now he uses the name drew
The Black Bear's now known as the best
And jim's started wearing Dwight's vest
watching battle star glactica
while Dwight's expression is HUH?
this episode made me turn blue
HAIKU
Michael's in New York
His office, now black, is Dwight's
Let's earn more schrute bucks
Beets are plenty good
Battlestar Galactica
Beware of the bears
Dandelion shirt
J.J. Abrams the hero
Need new episodes
Confusing man-crush
Fetch me a drink, lowly temp
Catch the candy bar
What was the question
The look of shock and surprise
Well it's about time
The Office Season Three
Is Coming to DVD
With many a blooper
I'll be put in a stupor
It'll be great, I think we agree
What was the best prank?
Should Dwangela spill the beans?
Karen call Ryan?
Pam’s unpredictable, Stanley’s still here
Angela’s male friend is Dwight, it’s quite clear
Dwight nearly died
Jim dumped Karen; she cried
Let’s prepare for the Office premiere
Haiku:
Dwight’s Stationary
A Message From Future Dwight
Don’t drink the coffee
pedaling papers for profit
race, sex, and ones preference
who dares try stop it
like watching a train wreck
whilst crying with laugher
to pinpoint the genius
one must be a master
a crew of elitists with one crowned a beet-ist
a captain they follow...for fear of da-feet-ist?
with no ryme or reason they work to the bone
for dwight its duty and michael a calling
for andy its power and pam its the phone
That Jim i cant figure i think hes got potential
but on with the next season with no need for credentials
END
On a lighter note... i go to college and live in Scranton ...i even have a sales job with a boss named michael ...no word of lie
He loves M&M's
Kevin wins the gold medal
No competition
There once was a man named Michael Scott
His own World's Best Boss mug he bought
He's collard blind
And hard to find (if you're Andy)
And he loves feeling hot, hot, hot.
My Haiku:
American Way
Places Doris Roberts eats
Illuminating
There once was a man named Toby
Who's outlook on life was so homely
And he was so alone
With no one at home
What's Michael to do to him next?
My haiku:
Pam's doing her job
Michael is bothering her
All in a days work
There once was a lady named Jan
Who used to be not such a fan
Of Michael and his quirks
But yet something works
And now in his condo she flirts.
My haiku:
He makes fake I.D.S
But says that he likes to steal
Weird old man is he
Do you think we should
celebrate diversity?
I think you do, mon.
You slick, sly, old man
Did you even win a hand?
Enjoy your fridge, Creed.
There once was a man named Creed
Who is quite a different breed
A klepto he was
And fame he had some
So just how many has he cunned?
My haiku:
M&Ms he loves
69 is his number
Marriage is there one?
There once was a man named Oscar
Who's boyfriend did not want to bother
With Pam and her work
Now he looks like a jerk
Hotel paintings he claims them to be.
My haiku:
Cats are what she loves
Strange fascination with Dwight
No cookie for you!
Scranton o Scranton
Where Dunder Mifflin resides
The Office abides.
Dwight Schrute of Scranton
A dedicated worker
Salesman of the year.
Office Season One
Certainly a lot of fun
Not to be outdone
Office Season Two
Deserves quite a huge thank you
So much fun to view
Office Season Three
A number one guarantee
for awesome T.V.
Office Season Four
Will this be even more
awesome than before?
My Limerick:
There once was a man named Dwight
Who's awesomeness did delight
fans like you and me-
Who could disagree,
with a salesman that can fight?
Michael verses Dwight
The ultimate office fight
Michael Scott, the champ
My limerick:
Office relationships can sometimes be good,
But Relly is a couple we never thought could.
The secret Dwangela relationship has surprised us all,
Man is an on and off situation that was definitely a bad call.
However, Jam is the realtionship that was always understood.
Pam's mother asked her daughter
Pam blushes, Jim smiles
Dwight is very rigid and shrewd
His ancestor's name was Dwide Schrude
He loves his monkey
His ties are funky
His memos are sometimes quite rude
Meredith’s been drinking her “tea”
Only half past noon
Phone ringing all day
“Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam”
Minesweeper is bliss
A guy named Jim pulled pranks on Dwight,
Seeing Jim in action was quite a sight!
Staplers in jello,
That poor Dwight fellow,
Don't drink the coffee alright?
There once was a man named Andy,
His ties were always quite dandy,
But then one day,
He went astray,
Anger Management proves handy!
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