advertisementFiona: [to Sam] There's something I've always wanted to tell you and I think you're ready to hear it. You're not very pretty, and you're not very bright. Oh, I'm so glad we had that talk.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shelby: What can I get here that has no sugar, no carbs, and is fat free?
Sam: Water.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: You need a wax.
Sam: Excuse me?
Austin: [laughs] I meant the car.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: Sam! Okay, I know you think that I'm just some...
Sam: Coward? Phony?
Austin: Okay, just listen.
Sam: No, you listen. You turned out to be exactly who I thought you were. I never pretended to be somebody else. It's been me all along. And it was me who was hurt in front of everybody. Look, I didn't come here to yell at you, okay? I came to tell you that I know what it feels like to be afraid to show who you are. I was, but I'm not anymore. And the thing is, I really don't care what people think about me... because I believe in myself. And I know that things are gonna be okay. But even though I have no family, and no job, and no money for college... it's you that I feel sorry for.
David: Heads up! Yo, five minutes.
Austin: I'm coming!
Sam: I know that guy that sent those emails is somewhere inside of you, but I can't wait for him... because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing.
[walks away]
Austin: SAM!
[punches locker]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Terry? Are you Nomad?
Terry: Nomad? Indeed. I have traveled through time and space to find you. Now join me in the mating dance of Zion!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam's Dad: Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rhonda: [to Carter] Call me girlfriend one more time.
Carter: Okay, sorry.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Carter, what are you wearing?
Carter: What? This is my Snoop-dizzle look!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Don't you know who I am?
Austin: Of course I do. You're Princeton Girl. You're the girl I've been waiting to meet. I know exactly who you are! What's your name?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: You're not a guy, right? 'Cause if you are I'll kick your butt.
Sam: [chuckles] I am not a guy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: So... Who'd you guys pay to make your cars so dirty?
Brianna: Excuse me? Like, what are you, the Dirt Police?
Gabriella: [laughs] Yeah! The Dirt Police! Like, excuse me miss, do you know how fast your dirt was going?
Brianna: You should've stopped at the Dirt Police.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Madison: I already ate.
David: Madison, laxatives don't qualify as a food group. Surprised you didn't know that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: Shelby, we really need to talk... privately.
Shelby: Anything you say to me, you can say in front of my peeps.
Austin: Okay. I want to break up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter: Have no fear! Zorro is here! And he's got the keys to his dad's Mercedes!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: What up, guys?
David: What up.
Ryan: Sorry about your costume you lost, Austin.
Austin: It's all good, my friends.
David: No, it's not all good, bro. Now we don't get to be the Three Musketeers. You get to be Prince Charming, and we're the two wimps in wigs.
Austin: [laughs]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rhonda: [trying to stall] I wanna get my breasts done. Where'd you get yours?
Fiona: San Diego.
[pushes Rhonda aside]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Terry: [dressed as Neo] Your sweet libations, my lady.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Hello?
Fiona: Sam? Some little rat got into my salmon, and ate it all! I need more salmon! And pick up my dry cleaning. And wash the Jag!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fiona: Is this the Norwegian salmon I asked for? Because I need my omega-3s.
Sam: Only the best.
Fiona: Mmm. I can tell. You know it costs a fortune to fly that stuff in from Norwegia.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: Do you believe in love at first sight?
Sam: I'll let you know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Austin? What are you doing?
Austin: Something I should have done a long time ago.
[he kisses her, it starts to rain, they both look up]
Austin: Sorry I waited for the rain.
Sam: It's okay.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fiona: [to Sam] People go to school to get smarter, so that they can get a job. You already have a job, so it's like skipping a step.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fiona: No honey, leave those on! The lawn's looking a little brown.
Sam: You know we're supposed to be conserving water! We're in the middle of a drought!
Fiona: Droughts are for poor people, you think J-Lo has a brown lawn? People who use extra water have extra class.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Maybe this whole relationship is just better off in cyberspace.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: [Carter and Sam are driving back towards the diner and Carter drives slow with his Dad's Mercedes] Carter, you could have totally made that light.
Carter: Uh, FYI Sam, yellow means slow down, not speed up.
Sam: I need the Fast and the Furious, not Driving Miss Daisy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs. Wells: You stop that right now. You're a bad boy, and that is a terrible shirt!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: [after Brianna and Gabriella both tell him that they're his mystery girl] Ladies, ladies, I can solve this very easily. The girl I'm looking for lost something. What was it?
Gabriella: Oh that's easy! A wallet!
[Austin gives her a weird look]
Gabriella: I mean a purse... um... a wallet-purse.
Austin: [succinctly] No.
Brianna: Ooh, I know! A fish!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: I'm late.
Austin: For what?
Sam: Reality.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Sometimes, fantasies are better than reality.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: [narrating] It was the kind of place where diet was a four letter word, and grease came at no additional charge.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[first lines]
Sam: Once upon a time, in a far away kingdom, lived a beautiful little girl and her widowed father.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[last lines]
Sam: And lived happily ever after. At least for now. Hey, I'm only a freshman!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fiona: Where are your skates? They're part of the uniform.
Rhonda: Fiona, if I wanted to look like a clown I'd join the circus.
Fiona: If you were part of my circus I'd have you wiping the elephant butts with a "wet one."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
District Attorney: I'm the County District Attorney. Have you ever seen this before, Mrs. Montgomery?
[he shows Fiona Hal's will]
Fiona: I've NEVER seen that before!
District Attorney: Isn't this your signature on the witness line?
Fiona: I've NEVER seen my husband's hidden will before.
District Attorney: I'm afraid you're gonna have to come downtown with me, ma'am.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: I can be surrounded by a sea of people and still feel all alone... Then I think of you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: I thought that I could handle this, but I really can't.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter: How do you feel?
Sam: I'll let you know when I can catch my breath.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter: You gotta love high school.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fiona: I am very, very, very, very upset about this.
Brianna: You don't look upset.
Fiona: Oh, it's the Botox. I can't show emotion for another hour and a half.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Austin sees Sam leaving; as he rushes towards her, he is confronted by his dad]
Austin's Dad: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, what are you doing?
Austin: I'm outta here.
Austin's Dad: What! You're throwing away your dream!
Austin: No, Dad. I'm throwing away yours.
Austin: [to Ryan] It's your game now, go get them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: [after Brianna and Gabriella both tell him that they're his mystery girl] Ladies, ladies, I can settle this, all right? The girl that I met at the dance, she dropped something on her way out. What was it?
Gabriella: Oh that's easy! A wallet!
Austin: No.
Gabriella: I mean a... wallet-purse.
Austin: [succinctly] No.
Brianna: Oh, a fish!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David: [Austin is sticking ads everywhere to find his Cinderella] Dude, why are you going through all this trouble for one chick?
Austin: Look, she's not just some chick, all right? She was real.
Ryan: Real. Like, she still had her old nose?
Austin: No, real. The kind of girl who has more on her mind than what she wears, or how much weight she wants to lose. She listens to me, you know?
David: Listens yo you? Hey, brother, I listen to you, okay? I feel your pa...
[gets distracted by a girl passing by, then talks to the girl]
David: ...Hello, kitty!
Austin: Yeah, you're a great listener.
David: Well...
Ryan: Look, man, you found her cellphone. You just gotta get some clue from that.
Austin: The phone's locked. All I keep getting's these text messages like, "I need you", and "Come see me now."
David: Oh dude, it's so hot.
Austin: See, that's what I thought. Until I got one that said, "Come fix fryer".
David: Oh, dude, that's hot AND kinky, baby! You know what I'm saying? Can I get one? Let me get a pound, baby.
Austin: [looks at David disapprovingly]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shelby: What can I get here that has no sugar, no carbs, and is fat free?
Sam: Water.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: You need a wax.
Sam: Excuse me?
Austin: [laughs] I meant the car.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: Sam! Okay, I know you think that I'm just some...
Sam: Coward? Phony?
Austin: Okay, just listen.
Sam: No, you listen. You turned out to be exactly who I thought you were. I never pretended to be somebody else. It's been me all along. And it was me who was hurt in front of everybody. Look, I didn't come here to yell at you, okay? I came to tell you that I know what it feels like to be afraid to show who you are. I was, but I'm not anymore. And the thing is, I really don't care what people think about me... because I believe in myself. And I know that things are gonna be okay. But even though I have no family, and no job, and no money for college... it's you that I feel sorry for.
David: Heads up! Yo, five minutes.
Austin: I'm coming!
Sam: I know that guy that sent those emails is somewhere inside of you, but I can't wait for him... because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing.
[walks away]
Austin: SAM!
[punches locker]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Terry? Are you Nomad?
Terry: Nomad? Indeed. I have traveled through time and space to find you. Now join me in the mating dance of Zion!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam's Dad: Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rhonda: [to Carter] Call me girlfriend one more time.
Carter: Okay, sorry.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Carter, what are you wearing?
Carter: What? This is my Snoop-dizzle look!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Don't you know who I am?
Austin: Of course I do. You're Princeton Girl. You're the girl I've been waiting to meet. I know exactly who you are! What's your name?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: You're not a guy, right? 'Cause if you are I'll kick your butt.
Sam: [chuckles] I am not a guy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: So... Who'd you guys pay to make your cars so dirty?
Brianna: Excuse me? Like, what are you, the Dirt Police?
Gabriella: [laughs] Yeah! The Dirt Police! Like, excuse me miss, do you know how fast your dirt was going?
Brianna: You should've stopped at the Dirt Police.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Madison: I already ate.
David: Madison, laxatives don't qualify as a food group. Surprised you didn't know that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: Shelby, we really need to talk... privately.
Shelby: Anything you say to me, you can say in front of my peeps.
Austin: Okay. I want to break up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter: Have no fear! Zorro is here! And he's got the keys to his dad's Mercedes!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: What up, guys?
David: What up.
Ryan: Sorry about your costume you lost, Austin.
Austin: It's all good, my friends.
David: No, it's not all good, bro. Now we don't get to be the Three Musketeers. You get to be Prince Charming, and we're the two wimps in wigs.
Austin: [laughs]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rhonda: [trying to stall] I wanna get my breasts done. Where'd you get yours?
Fiona: San Diego.
[pushes Rhonda aside]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Terry: [dressed as Neo] Your sweet libations, my lady.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Hello?
Fiona: Sam? Some little rat got into my salmon, and ate it all! I need more salmon! And pick up my dry cleaning. And wash the Jag!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fiona: Is this the Norwegian salmon I asked for? Because I need my omega-3s.
Sam: Only the best.
Fiona: Mmm. I can tell. You know it costs a fortune to fly that stuff in from Norwegia.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: Do you believe in love at first sight?
Sam: I'll let you know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Austin? What are you doing?
Austin: Something I should have done a long time ago.
[he kisses her, it starts to rain, they both look up]
Austin: Sorry I waited for the rain.
Sam: It's okay.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fiona: [to Sam] People go to school to get smarter, so that they can get a job. You already have a job, so it's like skipping a step.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fiona: No honey, leave those on! The lawn's looking a little brown.
Sam: You know we're supposed to be conserving water! We're in the middle of a drought!
Fiona: Droughts are for poor people, you think J-Lo has a brown lawn? People who use extra water have extra class.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Maybe this whole relationship is just better off in cyberspace.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: [Carter and Sam are driving back towards the diner and Carter drives slow with his Dad's Mercedes] Carter, you could have totally made that light.
Carter: Uh, FYI Sam, yellow means slow down, not speed up.
Sam: I need the Fast and the Furious, not Driving Miss Daisy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs. Wells: You stop that right now. You're a bad boy, and that is a terrible shirt!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: [after Brianna and Gabriella both tell him that they're his mystery girl] Ladies, ladies, I can solve this very easily. The girl I'm looking for lost something. What was it?
Gabriella: Oh that's easy! A wallet!
[Austin gives her a weird look]
Gabriella: I mean a purse... um... a wallet-purse.
Austin: [succinctly] No.
Brianna: Ooh, I know! A fish!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: I'm late.
Austin: For what?
Sam: Reality.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: Sometimes, fantasies are better than reality.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: [narrating] It was the kind of place where diet was a four letter word, and grease came at no additional charge.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[first lines]
Sam: Once upon a time, in a far away kingdom, lived a beautiful little girl and her widowed father.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[last lines]
Sam: And lived happily ever after. At least for now. Hey, I'm only a freshman!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fiona: Where are your skates? They're part of the uniform.
Rhonda: Fiona, if I wanted to look like a clown I'd join the circus.
Fiona: If you were part of my circus I'd have you wiping the elephant butts with a "wet one."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
District Attorney: I'm the County District Attorney. Have you ever seen this before, Mrs. Montgomery?
[he shows Fiona Hal's will]
Fiona: I've NEVER seen that before!
District Attorney: Isn't this your signature on the witness line?
Fiona: I've NEVER seen my husband's hidden will before.
District Attorney: I'm afraid you're gonna have to come downtown with me, ma'am.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: I can be surrounded by a sea of people and still feel all alone... Then I think of you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam: I thought that I could handle this, but I really can't.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter: How do you feel?
Sam: I'll let you know when I can catch my breath.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter: You gotta love high school.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fiona: I am very, very, very, very upset about this.
Brianna: You don't look upset.
Fiona: Oh, it's the Botox. I can't show emotion for another hour and a half.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Austin sees Sam leaving; as he rushes towards her, he is confronted by his dad]
Austin's Dad: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, what are you doing?
Austin: I'm outta here.
Austin's Dad: What! You're throwing away your dream!
Austin: No, Dad. I'm throwing away yours.
Austin: [to Ryan] It's your game now, go get them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austin: [after Brianna and Gabriella both tell him that they're his mystery girl] Ladies, ladies, I can settle this, all right? The girl that I met at the dance, she dropped something on her way out. What was it?
Gabriella: Oh that's easy! A wallet!
Austin: No.
Gabriella: I mean a... wallet-purse.
Austin: [succinctly] No.
Brianna: Oh, a fish!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David: [Austin is sticking ads everywhere to find his Cinderella] Dude, why are you going through all this trouble for one chick?
Austin: Look, she's not just some chick, all right? She was real.
Ryan: Real. Like, she still had her old nose?
Austin: No, real. The kind of girl who has more on her mind than what she wears, or how much weight she wants to lose. She listens to me, you know?
David: Listens yo you? Hey, brother, I listen to you, okay? I feel your pa...
[gets distracted by a girl passing by, then talks to the girl]
David: ...Hello, kitty!
Austin: Yeah, you're a great listener.
David: Well...
Ryan: Look, man, you found her cellphone. You just gotta get some clue from that.
Austin: The phone's locked. All I keep getting's these text messages like, "I need you", and "Come see me now."
David: Oh dude, it's so hot.
Austin: See, that's what I thought. Until I got one that said, "Come fix fryer".
David: Oh, dude, that's hot AND kinky, baby! You know what I'm saying? Can I get one? Let me get a pound, baby.
Austin: [looks at David disapprovingly]
