So, these past couple months, I've picked up a few things. My story in a nutshell: I sat behind my crush in class, didn't start liking him until the last month or so of school, didn't get too many chances to talk to him due to the teacher's way of running the class, and I spent those last few weeks desperately trying to befriend him.
Anyways, here are some things I've learned from the whole experience.
1. Don't EVER pass up an opportunity to talk to ANYONE you're sitting near in class (doesn't matter if it's high school, college, work, whatever), and don't EVER take a conversation for granted. You never know how desperate you might be later on to be friends with them. This was probably my biggest mistake; the first time my guy and I talked, I played along, no real issues, but I didn't think much of it. He just seemed like another guy, and I always waited for him to talk to me, and rarely took initiative to start a conversation myself or to carry it on. Just thinking of what could've been, that sense of regret of not taking more chances from the start really stings.
2. Don't be afraid! I know that saying may be overrated, but it's true. I used to be so intimidated by the thought of trying to talk to him, just as most girls are with their mega crushes, but seriously, you've gotta take the chance, trust me. If you get shot down, well, you haven't really lost anything, right? Better to regret things you did than regret things you didn't do.
3. Make eye contact. I know, scary, right? I used to always be super intimidated by it, but trust me, you'll look WAY more awkward if you're NOT making eye contact than if you are. This doesn't just apply to conversation; even walking by them in the hall or if you see them somewhere outside of class. I used to not make eye contact with my crush when I walked right by him to my seat every day. I feel like if I had done that from that start, that very simple gesture of looking at him and smiling, things would've been different. I would've given off a much more friendly vibe.
4. Stay focused talking about THEM, NOT about yourself. We all, as humans, have a tendency to talk about ourselves a lot; it's our favorite topic. However, it can bore people easily. Instead, try to keep asking questions about them and bouncing off that. But be careful not to make it an interrogation. :P
5. If the person if friends with any of your friends, TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT IT. Once I revealed to our mutual friends that I liked this guy, they helped me out so much to hang out with him and get to know him better. I wouldn't have even got half as far as I did if it weren't for them. If you find out where he works, grab a friend and casually go visit.
6. I thought this sounded pathetic at first, but it really helps: try thinking of a few topics to bring up beforehand, even if you have to write them down and review them a few times, just give it a shot. No one needs to know.
7. Now for you high schoolers, if you're planning on going to prom, or homecoming, etc. and desperately want to go with your crush like I did, please, take my advice: DO IT. As long as they're single, just go up and ask them. This is one of my biggest regrets. My guy was single for a while, until he decided t go with one of his friends, and I had the chance to ask him, but my fear of rejection and my fear of losing hope to befriend him stopped me from taking the chance. Prom was still fun and all, but I had to keep looking back at him with his date all night and it was a real downer. You never know what might happen, so just do it, unless you are absolutely 100% positive that they'll say no. And hey, if they do turn you down, just smile and take it with dignity, so you still have a chance to at least be friends. If you're not sure if you want to go with them or not, hey, I wasn't sure either, until I got there and saw him with his date, and my friends with their dates. So just go for it.
8. Now, this is also very important. Even though it's crucial to take risks and try your best to talk to the person and all, it's also crucial to GIVE THEM THEIR SPACE. If they seem uninterested in the conversation you're trying to have, or if they don't really try to carry it on, or if you can just see it in their face, just stop right there and give them a break. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you or anything, but everyone needs space. If they're giving you a signal, you need to respect that. I had to deal with this, and it's not fun, but it DOESN'T mean you should give up altogether. Just give them a day or two, and try again. I followed this motto: be friendly, not desperate.
9. If it's a situation like mine, where in class, or even outside of class for that matter, they're always around their friends, and seem much more interested in talking to them than with you, just accept it and respect it. Doesn't mean they're neglecting you, but guys especially, with their bro friends... it can be kinda difficult to talk to your guy crush in that situation. Just try to interact with all of them, but don't try too hard. And on your part, always always ALWAYS be sure that you DON'T neglect your own friends for your crush. I know that;s said a lot, but some things are much easier said than done. I used to kinda ditch my friends a little by taking off from that class to the class I had with him, just for a tiny bit more time to possibly talk to him. Don't do it; doing things like that just isn't cool.
10. Lastly, have confidence and determination! It really shows if you have it or lack it. Have a positive mindset; don't ever get your hopes up too high, otherwise you'll be that much more crushed if things don't go well. Instead, plan ahead for success OR failure, and be ready to accept either one. If it doesn't work out, it's okay. Just take chances, not too many, and try to have fun with it. You never know what awesome result could come out of one simple comment or action.
Please note that I'm definitely no expert, not even close :P. But I have learned these things all from personal experience, some things came the easy way, some things the hard way. I'm still trying to apply these things into my own life. I'm not trying to preach or lecture, but this is my advice that I have to offer. I hate how I didn't take certain chances while I still could, and I hate the thought of other people doing the same thing and feeling the regret that I feel. So, I guess that concludes my little ramble :P.
And thank you to those of you who gave me advice on my crush a little while back; you know who you are. :)
Anyways, here are some things I've learned from the whole experience.
1. Don't EVER pass up an opportunity to talk to ANYONE you're sitting near in class (doesn't matter if it's high school, college, work, whatever), and don't EVER take a conversation for granted. You never know how desperate you might be later on to be friends with them. This was probably my biggest mistake; the first time my guy and I talked, I played along, no real issues, but I didn't think much of it. He just seemed like another guy, and I always waited for him to talk to me, and rarely took initiative to start a conversation myself or to carry it on. Just thinking of what could've been, that sense of regret of not taking more chances from the start really stings.
2. Don't be afraid! I know that saying may be overrated, but it's true. I used to be so intimidated by the thought of trying to talk to him, just as most girls are with their mega crushes, but seriously, you've gotta take the chance, trust me. If you get shot down, well, you haven't really lost anything, right? Better to regret things you did than regret things you didn't do.
3. Make eye contact. I know, scary, right? I used to always be super intimidated by it, but trust me, you'll look WAY more awkward if you're NOT making eye contact than if you are. This doesn't just apply to conversation; even walking by them in the hall or if you see them somewhere outside of class. I used to not make eye contact with my crush when I walked right by him to my seat every day. I feel like if I had done that from that start, that very simple gesture of looking at him and smiling, things would've been different. I would've given off a much more friendly vibe.
4. Stay focused talking about THEM, NOT about yourself. We all, as humans, have a tendency to talk about ourselves a lot; it's our favorite topic. However, it can bore people easily. Instead, try to keep asking questions about them and bouncing off that. But be careful not to make it an interrogation. :P
5. If the person if friends with any of your friends, TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT IT. Once I revealed to our mutual friends that I liked this guy, they helped me out so much to hang out with him and get to know him better. I wouldn't have even got half as far as I did if it weren't for them. If you find out where he works, grab a friend and casually go visit.
6. I thought this sounded pathetic at first, but it really helps: try thinking of a few topics to bring up beforehand, even if you have to write them down and review them a few times, just give it a shot. No one needs to know.
7. Now for you high schoolers, if you're planning on going to prom, or homecoming, etc. and desperately want to go with your crush like I did, please, take my advice: DO IT. As long as they're single, just go up and ask them. This is one of my biggest regrets. My guy was single for a while, until he decided t go with one of his friends, and I had the chance to ask him, but my fear of rejection and my fear of losing hope to befriend him stopped me from taking the chance. Prom was still fun and all, but I had to keep looking back at him with his date all night and it was a real downer. You never know what might happen, so just do it, unless you are absolutely 100% positive that they'll say no. And hey, if they do turn you down, just smile and take it with dignity, so you still have a chance to at least be friends. If you're not sure if you want to go with them or not, hey, I wasn't sure either, until I got there and saw him with his date, and my friends with their dates. So just go for it.
8. Now, this is also very important. Even though it's crucial to take risks and try your best to talk to the person and all, it's also crucial to GIVE THEM THEIR SPACE. If they seem uninterested in the conversation you're trying to have, or if they don't really try to carry it on, or if you can just see it in their face, just stop right there and give them a break. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you or anything, but everyone needs space. If they're giving you a signal, you need to respect that. I had to deal with this, and it's not fun, but it DOESN'T mean you should give up altogether. Just give them a day or two, and try again. I followed this motto: be friendly, not desperate.
9. If it's a situation like mine, where in class, or even outside of class for that matter, they're always around their friends, and seem much more interested in talking to them than with you, just accept it and respect it. Doesn't mean they're neglecting you, but guys especially, with their bro friends... it can be kinda difficult to talk to your guy crush in that situation. Just try to interact with all of them, but don't try too hard. And on your part, always always ALWAYS be sure that you DON'T neglect your own friends for your crush. I know that;s said a lot, but some things are much easier said than done. I used to kinda ditch my friends a little by taking off from that class to the class I had with him, just for a tiny bit more time to possibly talk to him. Don't do it; doing things like that just isn't cool.
10. Lastly, have confidence and determination! It really shows if you have it or lack it. Have a positive mindset; don't ever get your hopes up too high, otherwise you'll be that much more crushed if things don't go well. Instead, plan ahead for success OR failure, and be ready to accept either one. If it doesn't work out, it's okay. Just take chances, not too many, and try to have fun with it. You never know what awesome result could come out of one simple comment or action.
Please note that I'm definitely no expert, not even close :P. But I have learned these things all from personal experience, some things came the easy way, some things the hard way. I'm still trying to apply these things into my own life. I'm not trying to preach or lecture, but this is my advice that I have to offer. I hate how I didn't take certain chances while I still could, and I hate the thought of other people doing the same thing and feeling the regret that I feel. So, I guess that concludes my little ramble :P.
And thank you to those of you who gave me advice on my crush a little while back; you know who you are. :)
