So, basically,if ive had to describe myself, im a 15 year old guy. I Know and always knew that i was attracted to women, but when i was around 9 years old, i got a new friend, and i started to kinda like touching him and all.
I was always using every occasion to hold his hand,
touch his hair and all. Then one day, we had a sleepover
and i just suggested to like try out doing gays, just to see how it is. he agreed, just to try it out, but for me, it was kinda like heaven, we were kissing, and i had plenty oportunities to be as close to him as possible. But he didnt really like it that much, which kinda dissapoints me,
but i really enjoyed it. and why do i say usually u think?
because it then happended like 2-3 times.
Now he refuses to do it, which makes me sad.
but i think that he doesnt suspect anything, we have even been talking about it a few months ago (our last kiss was like a year ago) and he told me that he doesnt thing that im gay, that i just wanted to try it out. which kinda isnt true. I remember one night when i was sleeping at his house he asked me if i wanna be "experimenting" that night, and i had to sleep in another room than him originally but he managed to change it just because of that. but that was like one of our shortest nights. I really wish that he is also like bisexual, but if he is, hes then hiding it so damn good.
He had so many Girlfriends already...
But I still like the touch of his hand, of his hair,and all.
But it starts to add up. Suddently, i started to feel some kind of similar attraction to about 2 other guys.
i also like to watch them, let my imagination flow, touch them and all of that. But nothing happened with those guys. But for now, i cant really imagine doing the same stuff with other men, it sometimes even digusts me.
But i am affraid to tell anyone, i dont wanna tell my friends, because im afraid of their reaction.
what happened a few months ago is that one guy in our class (which with their werent really friends, but their were talking with him frequetly), came out to be bisexual, and now, just all of my friends make fun of him, dont talk to him. and i know that it would be different in my case, but im just affraid that my friend will just see me completely diferently, or mock me, which i dont want. But its just a fear.
But on the other hand, i know that i really like women too, i had more girlfriends than male crushes, but they are there.
So i ask you, dear readet, can you help me out?
do you think that i am really bisexual or that its just my hormones? and what would you do in my case?
But thank you anyways, i hope i didnt take too much of your free time.