Humphrey, Star, and Kaltag go to school again.
Kaltag, Star and Humphrey got up and remembered they need to go to school.
“Crap, we didn’t go to school yesterday!” Star said.
“We had driving school,” Kaltag replied.
“Do you think they’ll excuse us?”
“Probably, we’ll have to bring our slips.”
“Wait, but Humphrey doesn’t have one.”
“We got to make sure he could be excused.”
They got to school. When they got to school, they went to the office.
“Here’s our slips for driving school.”
“Alright you two are excused.”
“He was with us and we took him and…”
“That’s his problem, go to class.”
“No buts, go to class. As for you, you get detention.”
“Wait, I know of a way to make it up to you at lunch.”
“Alright, if you fail, you get suspended.”
At lunch time, Humphrey was standing in the middle of the area.
Humphrey was holding a sign saying “humps for free.”
“C’mon, guess why my name is Humphrey. It sounds like Hump for free, so, free humps!”
A campus monitor came to Humphrey.
“You know that’s sexual harassment right?”
“No, it’s to payback not being at school yesterday.”
“This is not a payback, it’s sexual harassment.”
“Well I’m paying back.”
“I’m going to talk to the secretary, principal, and vice principal about this.”
“I would like a hump,” one kid that came after the yard duty left said.
“Ok, here you go.”
Star came along and saw that.
“What teh hell are you doing Humphrey?”
“I’m doing my pay back thing.”
“What did this kid do to you?”
“No, I’m paying them back for excusing me for the absents.”
The vice principal, principal, and secretary saw what Humphrey was doing.
The ran out and carried Humphrey into the office.
“Humphrey you have crossed the line! You… you… you’re suspended, you’re more than suspended… you’re… you’re…”
The principal left the office.
“What he’s trying to say is you’re expelled,” the vice principal said.
Humphrey left the school with his ears and tail down. Star saw Humphrey walking out of the school. He ran out to him.
“I got expelled.”
“For sexual harassment.”
“Get over here!” a campus monitor said.
“Well, I have to go.”
Star went back to the perimeter of the school.
When Humphrey got home, he told Kate the bad news.
“It’s horrible isn’t it.”
“Alright, Ima go hang in the garage.”
Humphrey grabbed a pistol on his way out. He went to the garage, hesitated, and said prayer to God for forgiveness right before he put the barrel to his mouth.
“God, I have mass depression, please forgive me for committing suicide.”
Humphrey pulled the trigger. Kate heard the shot.
“What the hell? That sounded close!”
Kate went to the garage.
“Oh my God! Humphrey! No!”
Kate got on her knees to Humphrey.
“Humphrey, why did you have to go!? The murderer wasn’t smart to leave his gun here.”
Star and Kaltag were in P.E. when they had a campus monitor come out to them.
“A girl named Kate needs you.”
Star and Kaltag got to Kate.
“Humphrey was murdered!”
“He was murdered!”
“How did you get here?”
“Halo driving school helped.”
Kate was in tears. Star was almost crying himself. Kaltag was a man but he was still upset. They got to the garage.
“Humphrey wasn’t murdered. He committed suicide,” Kaltag said.
“No! Why would he!?”
“He was probably depressed from being expelled.”
Star and Kaltag howled for Tony, Winston, Garth, and the rest. Meanwhile, Humphrey was climbing trying to resist hell’s suction.
“Jesus, God, help me!”
Humphrey got about 5 inches away from the top when he slipped. He caught at about 10 feet after falling. He successfully made it to the top. He saw Star.
“Star, I’m right here.”
Star didn’t hear him.
“Why did he have to commit suicide?”
“I just hope he’s not in hell.”
Meanwhile, Rosy was walking Balto. Rosy was about 12 years old now. They were in a neighborhood with a sex offender. They actually came upon him. Rosy fell for his trick to get into the molester’s house. She had no idea it was him. Balto tried hard to resist.
“Come on Balto, the nice man needs help.”
Rosy got into the house.
“What do you need me to do.”
“Strip your clothes.”
“Just do it!”
“To hook up radio antennas?”
“No, you know what? Come up here with me.”
Balto followed to see what would happen. The molester, Gary, allowed Balto in because he thought Balto wouldn’t give him evidence.
“Get on the bed.”
“This is awkward.”
Balto covered his eyes.
“Balto, you were right! I’m sorry for denying you!”
Rosy jumped up and tried to escape but Gary grabbed her and slammed her down.
“Balto, help me!”
Balto was about to jump up when Gary exposed his knife.
“Don’t do it keep yourself alive!”
Rosy was suffering as Balto watched it all go down. Rosy and Balto left a little bit later. Rosy went crying home. Balto came to Jenna.
“What’s wrong with Rosy?”
“Jenna, I know this is hard for you, but she was raped.”
“Oh my God!”
“I’m going to tell this to Star and Kaltag.”
Kaltag was running to Balto to tell him the bad news about Humphrey.
“Balto, I have bad news!” as Kaltag said that, Balto said “Kaltag I have bad news!” at the very same time.
“You go first,” Kaltag offered.
“Rosy was raped!”
“What!? That’s terrible!”
“Here’s what I was going to say. Humphrey committed suicide!”
“Oh my God!”
“Rosy getting molested is nothing compared to that! Screw her!”
“Balto, that’s bad too!”
They got too the garage.
“We need to make a funeral for Humphrey,” Star said.
“How about here?”
The next day, the funeral started.
“Humphrey was my best friend. He was just loving, he was sweet, I loved him so much. He’s almost like the brother I never had. He married Kate only to die. Kate originally didn’t care for him, but now she’s married to him and crying. Kaltag, do you have a few words to say?” Star said.
“Humphrey was the awesomest, to coolest, the nicest, I also loved him. He made me and my brother love everyone. When Eve strangled him, he didn’t fight back. When people hurt him, he didn’t fight back, he just took it. He also had a few good nut hits if you know what I mean. Garth, you might want to speak.”
“Humphrey was a good man. A sweet, fun-loving Omega. Him and I battled for Kate, but, I’m glad he got her,” Garth said, “Dutch, how about you say a few things.”
“I don’t know much about Humphrey, but, I just know he was Star’s best friend. Star is my favorite dog, and Humphrey just made him happy. I loved Humphrey myself, and he became an ODST, that is all I have to say. Lars, you come up.”
“Humphrey, when he first met me, he was speechless. Now I am at a huge fan’s funeral. Poor guy, he had to commit suicide. I hope he’s not in hell.”
The rest of the speakers spoke.
“Well, Humphrey wrote this song, and We wanted to play this in sign of respect,” Kaltag said.
The song is a fast version of The Unforgiven and speeds up and slows down like Wherever I may Roam. The lyrics go something like this.
“I’m sorry but I have to go know, it’s been a wonderful life!
I have to go… to a sacred place where I will be happy.
But I have to do it myself.”
It got rocking.
“All this hell is making me want to die!
I will see you in Heaven, and I love you all!
Please don’t miss me while I’m gone!
Just don’t, just don’t!”
It got slow.
“I love you all, I wish you all the best of luck getting into heaven.
I love you all, I love you all!
And for all of my friends and wife, I just hope you don’t suffer with my absence.”
It got rocking.
“I love you all! I love all!
I wish you luck! My friends and wife don’t suffer from my absence!
Shakey, Salty, you helped me stay alive! You too, Mooch!
Kate, I’ve known you my whole life and love you!
Star, Kaltag, you’re my long lost brothers!
I love all of you Metallica!
The rest was instrumental.
“Humphrey probably would want us to improve, but for now, in sign of respect, we’ll leave it how it is. DJ, you got it right?”
“Got it!” Mooch said.
“Cool, play it.”
Mooch turned on Rick Astley’s Never Going to Give You Up.
“What the hell, Mooch!”
“You all got Rick Roll’d!”
“Play our song!”
He turned on their song. Humphrey approached Star, Kaltag, Balto, Shakey, and Salty.
“You all did good,” Humphrey said to them.
“Humphrey!” Star yelled.
Everyone except the other 5 who saw Humphrey thought Star was hallucinating.
“Star are you ok?” Kate asked.
“I love you!”
Kate thought Star was talking to her.
“I only love one Omega, that’s Humphrey.”
“I love you too Star.”
Kaltag, Balto, Shakey, Salty and Mooch joined Star to make a group hug.
“Are you 6 high?”
“Can you not see Humphrey?”
“They can’t see me.”
“How was our song?” Balto asked.
“I couldn’t stop playing the air guitar.”
“Well I’m going into Kate’s vision now.”
Humphrey came into Kate’s vision.
“It’s Humphrey everyone!”
“Yup, it’s me.”
“I can’t see him,” Garth said.”
“You can see me too?”
“Well I better say goodbye.”
“This’ll be the last time you see me in 10 years.”
“Damn, bye Humphrey.”
“I love you Kate.”
“Let’s get him into the hearse,” Star said.
“Who’s driving?” Kaltag asked.
“Kaltag, you get police car #1. Garth, you get Police car #2 as an escort. The rest of you will be trailing behind us.”
Everyone left to Humphrey’s burial place.
“Alright, for a fellow deceased metalhead, we’re going to play 2 songs. Wherever I May Roam and Nightmare. Wherever I May Roam represents his trip to Heaven, and Nightmare is a good song for when a fellow metalhead dies. First Wherever I May Roam.”
They played that.
“And the road becomes my bride. I have stripped all but pride, so in her I do confide, and she keeps me satisfied…”
They got to the end of the song.
“Wherever I may rooooooaaaam!!!!”
“One more song before it’s time to say goodbye.”
There was a lot of singing because the singer of Avenged Sevenfold doesn’t play an instrument.
“Hate to twist your mind but God ain’t on your side!
An old acquaintance severed
Burn the world your last endeavor!”
They were really rocking out.
“Nothing stops the madness turning, haunting, yearning pull the trigger!
You should have known!
The price of evil and it hurts to know you belong here!
It’s your fucking nightmare!”
Star was having trouble keeping the kick drum in tune.
“You’ve lied to!
Just to rape you out of your sight!
And they have the nerve to tell you how you feel!”
Kaltag quit playing his guitar for the next lines.
“You should have known!
The price of evil, and it huts to know that you belong here!”
They finished the song.
“Any last words before we say goodbye to Humphrey?”
“Yeah, you’re not going to burry a dog at this cemetery,” Ralph said.
“Screw you Ralph.”
The 70 people at the funeral gathered to kill Ralph.
“Can we stop now?” Star asked
Eve stayed growling at Ralph.
“You better let us burry my son in-law here, or I‘m going to tear out your brain and shove it down your throat!”
The two “Organic” girls came by.
“Way ahead of you,” Bella said.
“Bella, how could you!” Kaltag said.
“Tiem for sum sexxxay pr0nzzz!” Master Chief said.
“Ok, fucker,” a taxi driver said.
“Rasta!” Little Jacob said.
“He’s going to tear out our little skulls, take off our back packs, then he’s going to hump us with his big grimony butt!” a Grunt said.
“You best not have killed my brother!” a Brute said.
“Enough of fukin lol cats!” Master Chief said.
“All of you shut up!” Winston yelled.
They all heard a YAY!!!
“Bob?” Star asked.
“We’re going to play a concert in Sacramento now,” Lars said.
“What should we do now?”
“Go to that concert.”
“No eating meat there!” the two girls said.
“Man, Metallica already left!”
“How about we go to the concert and see what it’s like for the other noobs who don’t hang with the band.”
They rented another bus. They soon got to the amphitheater. When the 60 people got off and went into the amphitheater, there was a mom and a kid walking by.
“Look mommy, a school bus.”
They got to the stage area.
“Oh God, the smell of Marijuana!” Star yelled.
“Grow some balls Star,” Kaltag said.
“I have balls for your information!”
“You got a problem with me smoking marijuana?” a guy said.
“Here, you smoke it!”
The marijuana was shoved into Star’s mouth.
“Enjoy some cocaine too!”
Star was suffocating. Tony tackled the man and put the cocaine in his mouth and the marijuana in his nose.
They heard some heartbeats. The lights darkened.
“Yeah!!!!” James yelled.
Lars started his drumming. Kate recognized the song.
“That was just you life!”
Metallica played the song.
“Are you alive tonight!? It’s an honor to play here!”
“GO James!” Kaltag yelled.
“Alright, this is one we all like to call St. Anger!”
They played that song.
“This one a classic, let’s see if you recognize it.”
“Seek and Destroy,” Garth said.
“Bob, what are you doing here?”
“YEAH!!!! This one’s another good one.”
They played the Unforgiven.
Winston dropped to the ground.
“Are you ok?”
They waited a minute or two. In the back round was Master of Puppets.
“Winston, answer us,” Garth said.
Winston didn’t budge.
“Take him to first aid!” Eve yelled.
They got to first aid. About after 30 minutes, they heard Metallica say goodbye to the people.
“Kirk has a kit that can heal unconscious people.
“Wait, how did Winston pass out?”
“He could be dead.
“Kirk has that too.”
The doctor came along.
“He had a seizure.”
“Do much action on stage.”
“He’s fine now.”
“You ready to go home man?”
“What about Metallica?”
“Oh, I’m ready.”
They all went home