Ariel would've rated much higher but for her fins...
So it's the day after the long Thanksgiving weekend and I'm sitting at my desk at work thinking "Oh man, I wish I was still on vacation" when I hear two of my coworkers discussing Disney women. Or, more specifically, discussing which Disney cartoon female is the hottest of them all:
Coworker 1: What about Jasmine? She's hot!
Coworker 2: Yeah, but her nose was kind of on the big side, no?
Coworker 1: Maybe. What about Ariel?
Coworker 2: Mmm...isn't she underage?
Coworker 1: The Hunchback chick!
Coworker 2: Esmeralda? Mmm...yeah, she does this saucy dance in the movie...
Coworker 1: Yeah. That was hot.
And that got me thinking, "you know, there are a lot of hot animated Disney babes! Surely someone has made a list of them!". But alas, there was no list to be found on the internets. So yours truly decided to spin some precious cycles trying to crunch the numbers and come up with a list of the finest Disney women of all-time. The only real requirements for consideration:
1. She must be a cartoon
2. She must be, mostly, human (no cats, mice, etc.)
3. She cannot be evil (only heroines)
So without further ado, here they are. The all-time hottest Disney babes:
#1: Jessica Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit) - Is there any universe where she is NOT the hottest Disney babe? She shakes, she shimmies, she sings. Con: May possibly be TOO much woman for one guy to handle...
#2: Jane (Tarzan) - Ok, I'll admit I haven't seen a Disney movie since Aladdin. But Jane just screams hotness. Gotta love the tie and white gloves. Prim and proper. Cons: Um, can you say waistline?
#3: Pocahontas - Umm...you know this is an *official* Disney wallpaper? Maybe not historically accurate, but never before has buckskin looked so good. Obviously John Smith had more than colonizing on his mind.
#4: Jasmine - Beautiful locks, rock-hard abs and she's crazy rich? Cons: Maybe her nose is a little big...
#5: Cinderella - Classic beauty. She cooks, she cleans, she sews. Cons: The in-laws. I hear her mother is a b-tch.
#6: Mulan - Good skin, lustrous black hair AND the voice of Lea Salonga? I'm in heaven. Cons: If she gets mad at you, look out, I hear she's pretty good with a sword :-(
#7: Belle (Beauty & The Beast) - Beautiful and humble lass. Devoted to her family. Cons: Likes her men thick and wooly.
#8: Esmeralda (The Hunchback of Notre Dame) - She's a firecracker with a social consciences. And boy can she dance! Cons: Um...what's up with her and the goat?
#9: Snow White - The fairest of them all. Cons: Those pesky little dwarves she's cohabitating with.
#10: Arial (The Little Mermaid) - One word: shells. Cons: Some seriously big 80's hair. May also be underage.