There are many things I wish to capture on written words, and hopefully I will be able to do so in an organized manner. For those unaware of who I am, my name is DracoLuver - otherwise known as Draco, DL, or Ash. I’m one of the older members of the Biggerstaffs.
A few people have posted their personal feelings, but I will tell you right now that this is not solely on what I feel, but more of the truth. And I know for sure many of you might hate me after reading this. I’ve split this into three parts:
Immaturity 1
Messages to 2a and 2b
Recovery
Immaturity
I know that many people are hurt about not belonging to the same family, and I completely understand. It’s very hard to let go of the past, but the Older members need to understand a few things:
1.) You didn’t voice your concerns when actions could have been taken. It’s been a while since the newer members have joined, and most of you have already accepted it. NONE of you once complained when they joined, did you? You might have told people through personal messages, but it was never voiced aloud on an article or even a wall-post. However, it was voiced at least 2 months after everyone had already joined, and I believe Leah has been here for a while as well. Why didn't ANY of you tell them that they might meet hostility? Why didn’t you make their lives easier and PM them, telling them that the spot is close-knitted? Why did you make all these articles when everything was said and done? If you felt like no one agreed with you, well, how will you ever know that if you don’t do anything? Leah, Kris, and the rest have made this spot their home - and they believed that everyone accepted them too because you people NEVER SAID ANYTHING against it. And now all of you are ganging up against the “newbies“, saying how much you miss things when it’s completely out of the question to remove people.
2.) All of you are not upset at the newer members, you’re only being nostalgic about the older times. That’s normal in the likes, but things change very much so and it will be happening to you in the future as well. You need to move on, accept the changes, and live in the moment - rather than dwelling on the past. It won’t happen again - the Biggerstaffs can’t be unknown again, and it’s about time all of you understand this as well. In able to be mature, in able to live life - you need to be able to focus on the present and future, and keep your life going. Many of you are being very unempathetic to the newer members simply because you miss old times. Have you ever thought what it would be like to be in the newer Biggerstaff’s position? They found a spot they liked, and realized people don’t update anymore. They brought the spot back up again, followed examples and made rooms, and tried getting to know everyone to the point where they felt like they belonged. Then, randomly, they discover people hate them being there because they’re “new.” No one explicitly stated that, but it’s basically all you’re doing: “I miss the old spot, I won’t be able to move over it - the new members are changing everything” - right? So, following my advice, learn that things don’t stay the same - I miss many things. I miss old friends, old cartoons, even old America - but that can’t affect your life that greatly. You have to put that aside responsibly and think with a clear mind. Your grandmother, or mother never says: “OH, I miss our OLD family. We should really get rid of these kids.” If real family doesn’t drop people, we shouldn’t either.
3.) Another thing I am seeing is that “I don’t know who these people are.” Well, to be honest, I didn’t know nor do I know - but that’s the whole point of getting to know someone. The first time Alex joined, I hated him and we both hardly talked - and now we’re good friends all because we took the time to actually get to know each other. I wasn’t even close with Auntie, and yet now I can tell her anything. If you feel like you can’t trust people on the spot, BUILD it. Talk to people on the spot, act as if nothing has changed - it will make it easier on everyone. If you feel like you know nothing of them, IM them and ask questions and try to bring up subjects you both like. That’s how it was, wasn’t it? When Tonks joined, Luna joined, Water joined - we didn’t know who these people were, but we actually opened our minds and spoke with them - and found very amazing family members in them. Another thing: the spot number does say 141, but that doesn’t mean that’s the count of family numbers. We have 59 members, and at least 40 of them were established before, so be nice and talk to people and get of your familiar shell.
Message to Older Members
I understand for the older members that it’s hurtful to see things different, to know that this is the same family from the small one we started out from. But there is a fine line between what was and what is. You can’t live in the past forever, and as Dumbledore said: “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget how to live.” You can’t live in this fantasy world where you think everything will be the same - because it won’t. And life will be easier if you accept that. Another thing is that leaving the spot does nothing -this is where we came from, and this should be where we stay. You know how awful that makes us sound: “Oh, although we never told you before - you ruined the spot, new people, and we’re leaving you here. Bye, no hard feelings?” That’s without sugar-coating. Use empathy and try to build a family including them in it as well. Lastly, drop this whole “Originals” “Semi-Originals” “Newbies.” We’re not a cult - we’re not classified by when we joined. We’re FAMILY. That’s what we should be to each other - family members. There shouldn’t be ranks, or even special treatment. I know, as an “Original” - I’m less likely to get booted off the family tree. This is not how family works. Everyone is equal, everyone has equal opportunities and most of all, we’re not labeled.
Message to New Members
This conversation, whatever has happened - is NOT your fault. None of the older members told you anything, or even confided in how they’re feeling at the moment until it was too late. You updated spots and forums, when the spot was likely dead - and you made yourself family, which is not a crime at all. You are a Biggerstaff, no matter what anyone else says - and you have FULL rights to stay.
Recovery
Now since we’ve got everything out of the way, we need to rebuild this spot - don’t we? Suggestions, anyone?
A few people have posted their personal feelings, but I will tell you right now that this is not solely on what I feel, but more of the truth. And I know for sure many of you might hate me after reading this. I’ve split this into three parts:
Immaturity 1
Messages to 2a and 2b
Recovery
Immaturity
I know that many people are hurt about not belonging to the same family, and I completely understand. It’s very hard to let go of the past, but the Older members need to understand a few things:
1.) You didn’t voice your concerns when actions could have been taken. It’s been a while since the newer members have joined, and most of you have already accepted it. NONE of you once complained when they joined, did you? You might have told people through personal messages, but it was never voiced aloud on an article or even a wall-post. However, it was voiced at least 2 months after everyone had already joined, and I believe Leah has been here for a while as well. Why didn't ANY of you tell them that they might meet hostility? Why didn’t you make their lives easier and PM them, telling them that the spot is close-knitted? Why did you make all these articles when everything was said and done? If you felt like no one agreed with you, well, how will you ever know that if you don’t do anything? Leah, Kris, and the rest have made this spot their home - and they believed that everyone accepted them too because you people NEVER SAID ANYTHING against it. And now all of you are ganging up against the “newbies“, saying how much you miss things when it’s completely out of the question to remove people.
2.) All of you are not upset at the newer members, you’re only being nostalgic about the older times. That’s normal in the likes, but things change very much so and it will be happening to you in the future as well. You need to move on, accept the changes, and live in the moment - rather than dwelling on the past. It won’t happen again - the Biggerstaffs can’t be unknown again, and it’s about time all of you understand this as well. In able to be mature, in able to live life - you need to be able to focus on the present and future, and keep your life going. Many of you are being very unempathetic to the newer members simply because you miss old times. Have you ever thought what it would be like to be in the newer Biggerstaff’s position? They found a spot they liked, and realized people don’t update anymore. They brought the spot back up again, followed examples and made rooms, and tried getting to know everyone to the point where they felt like they belonged. Then, randomly, they discover people hate them being there because they’re “new.” No one explicitly stated that, but it’s basically all you’re doing: “I miss the old spot, I won’t be able to move over it - the new members are changing everything” - right? So, following my advice, learn that things don’t stay the same - I miss many things. I miss old friends, old cartoons, even old America - but that can’t affect your life that greatly. You have to put that aside responsibly and think with a clear mind. Your grandmother, or mother never says: “OH, I miss our OLD family. We should really get rid of these kids.” If real family doesn’t drop people, we shouldn’t either.
3.) Another thing I am seeing is that “I don’t know who these people are.” Well, to be honest, I didn’t know nor do I know - but that’s the whole point of getting to know someone. The first time Alex joined, I hated him and we both hardly talked - and now we’re good friends all because we took the time to actually get to know each other. I wasn’t even close with Auntie, and yet now I can tell her anything. If you feel like you can’t trust people on the spot, BUILD it. Talk to people on the spot, act as if nothing has changed - it will make it easier on everyone. If you feel like you know nothing of them, IM them and ask questions and try to bring up subjects you both like. That’s how it was, wasn’t it? When Tonks joined, Luna joined, Water joined - we didn’t know who these people were, but we actually opened our minds and spoke with them - and found very amazing family members in them. Another thing: the spot number does say 141, but that doesn’t mean that’s the count of family numbers. We have 59 members, and at least 40 of them were established before, so be nice and talk to people and get of your familiar shell.
Message to Older Members
I understand for the older members that it’s hurtful to see things different, to know that this is the same family from the small one we started out from. But there is a fine line between what was and what is. You can’t live in the past forever, and as Dumbledore said: “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget how to live.” You can’t live in this fantasy world where you think everything will be the same - because it won’t. And life will be easier if you accept that. Another thing is that leaving the spot does nothing -this is where we came from, and this should be where we stay. You know how awful that makes us sound: “Oh, although we never told you before - you ruined the spot, new people, and we’re leaving you here. Bye, no hard feelings?” That’s without sugar-coating. Use empathy and try to build a family including them in it as well. Lastly, drop this whole “Originals” “Semi-Originals” “Newbies.” We’re not a cult - we’re not classified by when we joined. We’re FAMILY. That’s what we should be to each other - family members. There shouldn’t be ranks, or even special treatment. I know, as an “Original” - I’m less likely to get booted off the family tree. This is not how family works. Everyone is equal, everyone has equal opportunities and most of all, we’re not labeled.
Message to New Members
This conversation, whatever has happened - is NOT your fault. None of the older members told you anything, or even confided in how they’re feeling at the moment until it was too late. You updated spots and forums, when the spot was likely dead - and you made yourself family, which is not a crime at all. You are a Biggerstaff, no matter what anyone else says - and you have FULL rights to stay.
Recovery
Now since we’ve got everything out of the way, we need to rebuild this spot - don’t we? Suggestions, anyone?
