A bunch of jokes I found.
1. A Spanish guy enters a hospital to have a minor operation.
A nurse begins to take down his information: name, insurance company, etc.
"In case of emergency, whom should we notify?"
"You mean if I become very sick?"
"Well . . . yes."
"If that happens, call a doctor!"
2. Daughter : I am in love with the neighbor, so I am running away with him.
Dad: Thanks , you have saved my money & time.
Daughter: Dad, I am reading the letter left by Mom.
3. .-Knock, knock
-Well, that's politics for you………
4. Why did the Weasel cross the road?
Somebody tossed a knut.
5. Why did Potter cross the road.
No reason, but someone will write a book about it.
6. Why did Draco cross the road?
So he could swing his hips at Potter.
7. Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?
8. Why did the Dark Lord cross the road?
Because Potter couldn't stop him.
9. Why did Death Eaters cross the road?
The Dark Lord ordered it.
10. Why did Trevor cross the road?
To get away from Longbottom.
11. Why did Dumbledore cross the road?
He was following the poisoned lemon drops.
12.Why did Professor Snape stand in the road?
So no one could tell what side he was on.
13. Why do Slytherins cross the road twice?
Because we are doublecrossers.
14. Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?
He was caught playing with his broomstick.
15. Why did Misty say that Ash and Psyduck were alike?
They are both very dense in the head.
16. Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage
certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
17. A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.
He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother."
One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly.
The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother.
He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."
18. Two boys were talking and the one said to the other, "There is a easy way to get what you want."
The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."
The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!" The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!" The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."
The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"
19. A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man's supper and began whining and jumping up at him. "Do you mind if I throw him a bit?" said the man to the lady. "Not at all," she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall.
20. 'Is everyone in the bus?' asked the driver before he closed the door. 'No,' called a lady, 'wait until I get my clothes on.' All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.