We made it, Gossip Girl fandom! We survived the Season of Pacts with God and “Inside.” In fact, “Inside” is so dead and buried at this point, even D-Humps is over it. Group hugs, Dom and peonies for all!
Pardon us while we attempt to collect our emotions. The season 5 finale had us feeling things all over the spectrum of feels, from smiling like idiots, growling in rage, moments of teary-ness, and of course, cheering like true Chairleaders. (There was also some yawning in there albeit briefly and only during scenes involving Lola and William). There was so much going on in this episode that we were literally stunned to silence for a few minutes after squealing over the final scene, asking ourselves (and each other) “What the fuck just happened?”
Can we first just say that Lily van der Bass Humphrey is a HBIC/BAMF who can do no wrong in our eyes? We LOVED her scene with Bart talking about how just because Bart was back didn’t make Chuck any less her child too. Seriously, who cares about Evelyn/Elizabeth when Chuck has a mommy right there in the UES who loves him unconditionally? We were excited about the prospect of Chuck having two parents in the same city. At first. And then Bart made us hate him all over again with the fire of a thousand suns.
Basically, Bart won the “Worst Father in TV History” Award in this season’s finale. First he tricked Chuck into feeling as if he was actually (it must have physically hurt him to say the word) PROUD of him for having done so well with BI, as well as supportive of his relationship with Blair, only to proceed to tell him more or less that he is a nothing more than a pussy-whipped, POS loser and rendering the Great Chuck Bass unemployed.
Meanwhile back at the ranch (or the Waldorf penthouse), Blair is pretending to make a choice between Chuck and Dumpty. It is at this time, whilst weighing the benefits of both men, that one of our new all-time favorite GG quotes was uttered by Blair Waldorf herself. To paraphrase, she basically says that Dan is her bestie (gag) and that he makes her feel safe, then goes on to say “Chuck makes me feel vulnerable. He’s devastated me but he’s also made me happier than I’ve ever been.” We loved this quote because for one thing, it is what we have all known all along that Blair was afraid to be vulnerable to Chuck, the man she inarguably loves more than anyone on the planet, because she feared that to lose him again in any fashion would be her breaking point. Blair also finds out that Eleanor is retiring and leaving Blair in charge of Eleanor Waldorf Designs. Tada! Blair’s career conundrum that we haven’t heard a word about since mid Season 4 is solved! Eleanor proceeds to tell Blair that there is” no other woman in the world as powerful as Blair”; a nice callback to Chuck telling her in 4.22 that she was the “most powerful woman he knew.” Apparently, Blair is reminded of this as well as she makes her decision and heads for…dun dun dun…the Empire, where Bart has just metaphorically ripped out Chuck’s heart and spray painted “FAILURE” on it.
Blair arrives just in time to see Bart publically kick Chuck in the nuts. It’s also important to remember that Blair had just hours earlier that same day broken Chuck’s heart yet again when he thought she was coming to see him to declare her love for him after the diary blasts on Gossip Girl. When he understandably told her that it was time for him to move on, she agreed. So the last thing Chuck was expecting was what Blair was there to tell him: “I love you. I’m in love with you.” His reaction to this declaration stung, but again, was understandable. As aforementioned, he had just been publically humiliated by his father as well as watched his self esteem die in a fire at the hands of his own father. Thus, Chuck was unimpressed.
We didn’t take this as an insult to Blair or that it was meant to hurt her in anyway. Chuck is used to being a powerful man in his own right, yes. But the important thing in this scene, which parallels very closely the scene in 4.09 where Blair tells Chuck she needs to be Blair Waldorf before she can be Chuck Bass’s girlfriend, is that Blair has always wanted to be equals in their relationship. That has been part of what’s kept them apart in the past. And Chuck wants that as well. He doesn’t want to hang out in the Waldorf penthouse burning waffles or baking special brownies while Blair is bringing home the bacon. Also, Chuck has intertwined Blair with his legacy for so long that it had to be a total mindfuck for him to lose both (again) in the same day. We don’t think Chuck meant that Blair herself is not enough. Unlike certain other relationships on the show, theirs is a two-sided one. If Chuck has lost himself, in his mind, how can it be enough for either of them? Chuck is a proud man and he needs to be Chuck Bass before he can be Blair Waldorf’s husband. Chuck embodied Rhett Butler at that moment, although frankly our dears, we know Chuck does, in fact, give a damn after all.
This was the really beautiful thing though. Blair was unfazed. If anyone understands the power Bart holds over Chuck and his emotions, and how important BI is to him, it’s Blair Waldorf. Two more of our now top three favorite quotes were soon spoken, again by Blair. The first is when, in the limo in Paris with Eleanor (Eleanor is the ultimate Chair shipper, btdubs) Blair perfectly played the role of Scarlett O’Hara when she tells her mother, “Nothing is holding me back now. I know what I want, and I’m going to get it.” THIS is the Blair we have known and loved for five years. Determined, tireless and well aware of her worth. Enter: the long awaited casino scene.
We were pleased that that Jack helped to orchestrate their reunion. Chuck can say whatever he wants, people who know him best, which surprisingly now includes Jack Bass, know that Chuck loves Blair Waldorf more than life itself. If Bart is going to be a huge BASShole, then at least Chuck and Jack have each other. We also thought it was a nice full circle moment, when before Jack was the one who tore them apart is now the one helping to bring them back together. Blair walked into that casino like she owned the place and told Chuck straight up, “I’m all in.” And then… the evil, supermean GG Writers cockblocked us.
So those things happened and we loved them and felt all sorts of feelings.
Other things that happened:
Blair and Serena’s annual blowout took malicious to a new level this episode. The result has never been this severe; Blair demands that Serena move out and S rivals Claire in despicableness. Blair appeared to be kicking Serena out of her penthouse solely because S was making B face her denial and fear regarding her feelings for Chuck. You would think that after Blair decided to be honest with herself, her reason for abandoning Serena would become irrelevant. And yet, two things happened that have irrevocably damaged their friendship.
First, Blair tells Serena that the best time in her life was when Serena wasn’t in it. Ouch. Then, Serena seduces Dan at the Sheppard’s divorce party. While we don’t think Blair knows about Serena and Lonely Boy’s hookup, we do think it was the ultimate “fuck you” from Serena. Will Blair cry tears of heartbreak that Dan cheated on her when she busy choosing Chuck anyway? No. But, she will care that Serena made a conscious decision to replicate the hurt she caused Blair by sleeping with Nate at the Sheppard’s wedding. Serena has now slept with TWO of Blair’s current boyfriends in addition to exposing her personal thoughts for the world to read via Gossip Girl. That being said, Blair is no innocent lamb either. She disregarded their friendship for an entire year while sleeping with the love of Serena’s life (and not even enjoying it). We are #Naterrified as to what awaits these estranged besties nest season, but we have a feeling that Chuck (and possibly Dan too) will be playing matchmaker.
Serena has become dark!preshow!Serena. Having lost both her best friend and the love of her life did quite a number on her and we were devastated to see her downward spiral this episode along with the complete destruction of her friendship with Blair. After her last hurrah with Dan and then being slutshamed and judged and rejected by him in every possible way, the last glimpse we have of Serena is her on a train with Gabe Saporta (aka shady new guest star) about to snort some cocaine with said guest star. Wanted: White Knight to rescue a Damsel in Distress. Anyone know of anyone with a White Knight complex?
Serena and Dan had sex. And we must say… Derena sex >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Dair could ever even dream of. Not surprisingly, Dan was a total douche about the whole thing despite the fact that he seemed more than willing to put his p in her v. But no, it was all Serena’s fault for tricking him with her feminine wiles. While we TECHNICALLY don’t consider this cheating on Blair since she had basically already broken up with him without bothering to tell him, it’s not OOC in the least for Dan to actually cheat on his girlfriends. He has cheated on well, pretty much all of them. Now he’s off to Rome with Georgina to write yet another book completely flaming every single one of his friends and former loved ones because well… dude is spiteful. Oh, and all the awards to Serena for pointing out that Dan was only in love with the version of Blair he created in his book–AKA Claire Carlyle– after he says about the woman he supposedly loves for herself, “I thought she’d changed.”
Speaking of Humphreys, Lily chose Bart over Rufus. While we were at first completely shocked by this turn of events, we noticed that Rufus seemed just a little too smirky during the entire exchange. This leads us to think that perhaps Lily is going to continue to be flawless by perhaps scheming against Bart in some matter, most likely to the benefit of her baby boy Chuck. PLEASE LET THIS BE SO. While we really don’t care about her marriage to Rufus (sorry Rufly lovers) we always love opportunities for Lily to be a momma bear to Chuck, not to mention, she was going to leave Bart for Rufus before he “died” in the first place. Plus, it makes zero sense for Rufus to be smiling at the prospect of divorcing Lily considering he spent most of the episode fighting for her.
Lola and Ivy are plotting against Lily for getting Carol arrested. Yawn. Oh but hey…did anyone notice the name Abrams as the lawyer for both Carol Rhodes AND Rufly’s divorce. Weird?
All in all, we’re impressed! It’s actually pretty amazing that despite Season 5 having been completely disjointed and lacking sense or direction, the last three episodes were outstanding. The finale opened up the door for actual interesting stories for EACH of the characters on the show. We could really have done without the casino cliffhanger, but come on, it’s not like Chuck is going to be able to resist Blair in all her glory, looking at him in the way she has never looked at any other man in the history of this show. Our crystal ball predicts a great final season for Chuck and Blair. Now lets hope that there is hope for Blair and Serena, and Serena and…whomever she chooses to love. Most of all, we hope for a Chuck and Blair wedding, and true and lasting HAPPINESS for them FINALLY.
All credit goes to: cosmiclovecb.com