Story: "Never knew you were here all along"
Disclaimer: I don’t own Gossip Girl.
Summary: AU CB with mentions of NS ‘I was hurt by Nate, angry that he was with me when he wanted Serena. And still I did the same to you. I let you be here for me, let you love me. I was afraid of being alone and I used you even though I didn’t love you. And I know you shouldn’t ever forgive me, because I’m sure I will never forgive Nate completely but I am sorry.
This is AU version of how Chuck and Blair could get together if 1x07 didn’t happen. And also in this fic Bart doesn’t die and he and Lily doesn’t get married. Hope you’ll enjoy, let me know what you think. And Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Even singles like me :)
He always loved her. Since he can remember Chuck was in love with his best friend’s girlfriend. Even when she wasn’t Nate’s girlfriend.
That was the reason he was always there. Always is there. On the dates Nathaniel ‘is not able’ to be, when in reality he prefers getting high or lusting over their blonde friend. And he knows there’s no other place he would rather be.
The moment he emerges from his limo, he hears her unmistakable, annoying for most people voice, which he finds cute. He thinks this way about many things she is or does but obviously he would never tell.
‘What the hell are you doing here, Bass?’ She spats, looking stunning in her black, ending just above her knees dress. And of course matching headband.
‘You don’t have to be so happy to see me.’ He says smirking at her.
‘Seriously, where is Nate?’ She asks after usual roll of her chocolate eyes. After her question his smirk fades and he can tell she knows what’s going on. ‘He’s not coming, is he?’
He subtly shakes his head and hates his friend for this disappointed look in her eyes. ‘I’m sorry Waldorf. He has…’
‘I don’t know why I’m even surprised. Thanks for information but you could just call Bass. And by the way, since when are you his puppy?’ She doesn’t let him end, probably doesn’t want to hear to next lies.
‘Come on Waldorf, drop the act. We both know I always come and I’m tried of convincing you every time to something we both know will happen.’ He says as he knows better to be provoked by her insult. He will never be Nate’s puppy but he can’t just say he’s here, because he wants to see her. Pretend it’s their date. Pathetic, isn’t it?
‘Fine.’ She answers and he’s relieved they don’t have to go through half an hour process of ‘please Blair, you know you want to go’ this time.
‘Sushi?’ He asks with a smile and she nods with a small of her own, letting him take her hand and led her with him to his limo.
He is there when Nate decides to break form his family spell and live like he wants to. His blonde friend applies to Columbia instead of Yale. He doesn’t take Vanderbilt ring to propose to Blair.
Chuck always knew he would have to watch it. Watch them all this years – getting married, having children, live their happily ever after. And in this moment he wishes he would watch just that. Everything would be better than Blair’s hurt face when Nate tells her he can’t do it anymore. They were doing it all their lives, pretend everything’s perfect.
Blair have done it because she wanted it to be and Nathaniel because his parents wanted him to. But now he can’t. He breaks up with her and starts to chase after Serena. His dream. Chuck hates him for it but still he understands. Serena is Chuck’s Blair to Nate. He knows he would hurt anyone too if he would get Blair.
So he is here. He spends all his time hanging out with Blair, making sure she eats and comforting her after she slips. He finally convinces her to see a doctor, the day Gossip Girl posts that Serena is going to prom with her ex-boyfriend.
He is in her apartment ten minutes after the blast. Still it’s too late so he holds her hair and rubs her back. They are way past her protesting and telling him to leave.
When she’s done, he takes her back to the bedroom and lays on the bed. He then takes off his shoes and takes his place next to her. They enjoy their usual silence until one of them breaks it.
‘I will book you an appointment for tomorrow.’ There aren’t any ‘I’m sorry’, ‘You can’t do this’ or ‘Why are you doing this’. They are doing this since they were fifteen.
No one knows of course. No one knows that he was the first one to find out. That he always takes her to the doctor and helps her recover until next relapse. That Serena is there only when he can’t, because his father drags him to another business trip. Still she always calls him too when her best girlfriend leaves.
He knows everything about her so he doesn’t need to say these things or ask these questions. Even at the beginning he had never given her these ‘What for the God’s sake are you doing’ speeches, which were Serena’s specialty. Because he never judges and this is the reason she tells him where there is something to tell.
She likes to say she knows everything about him too. And he is sure she does. She knows all his secrets, likes and dislikes. There is just this one, which he will never tell. That he loves her like he never loved anyone. So at her questions about all the girls, he just says ‘What’s the fun with being with the same person all the time?’ and watches her laugh and shake her head.
‘I don’t have to go. Not yet.’ Again, there aren’t any ‘Leave me alone’ or ‘I don’t need your pity Bass’. They never yell at each other. He knows it’s her decision and she knows he wants what’s best for her. Sometimes she is just too stubborn to agree she already needs help.
‘Yes, you do. And we will go tomorrow.’ This time he isn’t going to let her wait.
‘And why would I just do that?’ She asks because she needs a reason, she needs a proof she isn’t doing it because he tells her to.
‘Because I won’t take you to prom as my date if you won’t.’ He knows it all so he gives her one.
They go to the doctor next day and she starts to get better. He always waits outside and they go for the lunch or he takes her shopping when it is really bad day. He always knows how to make her smile.
He makes her prom perfect and pretends not to see that one detail is wrong. For one night he is Blair, pretending everything’s perfect and his date isn’t looking at the golden couple much too often to call it a coincidence. That Blair’s first time in her dream suite with candles and roses isn’t the best night of only his life. He doesn’t think if she imagines Nate when he kisses and touches her.
And when she tells him about her Yale plans for her and Nate, he finds out again that he will do anything to make her just a little happier.
‘So basically my mother is going about how I will never find someone else now. According to her, soon I will be too old to find someone from good family.’ She complains as he continues to run his hands along her naked body.
He once again prefers not to think how it would look with the prince form scrapbook. Instead he decides to tell her about his plans.
Chuck never really knew what he wants to do in the future. Until one evening his father offered him a place in his company after he will graduate from high school.
He wants this. His father approval, some kind of relationship. He would go and visit Blair and Nate in their apartment in New Haven. But now Nate is going to Columbia and Serena to Brown. And Blair is terrified of being alone. So last week he told his father he wants to go to Yale. His father didn’t care but he made a call.
‘I bought an apartment close to Yale.’ He says kissing her neck. He doesn’t want to miss any moment if it will not happen again.
‘What? Why would you do that? I thought you’re staying here.’ She says with this cute frown of hers.
‘Well I changed my mind. I really want to go to Yale and I thought that…you could move in with me.’ He asks finally looking her in the eyes. ‘We’re friends after all.’ He adds though he hopes after this night they won’t be just friends anymore.
‘I…Chuck, I don’t know what to say. I mean…’ She bites her lip and he knows she isn’t really convinced it’s a good idea. So he does something he knows it’s a part of her fairytale. He’s not a part of it but he knows better than anyone else that something is better than nothing.
‘I love you.’ He whispers kissing her palm, not taking his eyes off of her. He sees a shadow which disappears so fast that if he didn’t know Blair Waldorf better than anyone he wouldn’t see it. He knows she thinks about how perfect it would be if it was their blonde friend in his place.
‘Ok Chuck. I’ll move in with you.’ She says before she places her lips on his again. Even Blair Waldorf is afraid to be alone.
They graduate, have a summer of fun in France. Without the shadow of other half of Non Judging Breakfast Club, they are like a normal couple. They do things they enjoy together and he makes love to her every night. He tells her he loves her when he thinks she needs to hear it, but doesn’t expect to hear it back.
At Yale Blair has her dream life. He makes sure he gives her everything she wants to make up for what even he can’t make happen. They are best friends since kindergarten so they have great time living together. He never gives her a reason to doubt it and she starts to feel safe again.
He never lets her down and even though they still have their playful banter, he doesn’t let it go too far to a place that make up sex won’t make up for it anymore.
Serena and Nate gets married in their second year of college. Without big society wedding, just friends and these members of family that are still talking to them. He knows they have to go so he decides to try everything to somehow distract her, make her hurt less. He takes out the small box from his pocket every moment she’s not with him.
When the special day comes he’s confused. They watch them kiss, give their congratulations and he doesn’t see it. She smiles of course, hugs the couple but he can’t see the signs. The sings that she’s falling apart. It’s confusing because after all this time she can’t hide it from him. She never could.
He approaches her at the reception when she’s sipping her drink talking to Eric. He asks her to dance and when they sway to some unknown to him song, he decides to confront her about it.
‘How are you Waldorf?’ He starts, not really having idea what he should say.
‘I’m fine, why?’ She replays and he still can’t find it. This shadow in her eyes.
‘You know if you want to leave earlier…’ He proposes hoping she will open up when they will be alone.
‘Why would I want to leave my best friend wedding earlier?’ She asks looking confused.
‘You know…because she’s marrying the guy you thought you’re going to end up with?’ He can’t stand her calmness so he just spits it out. He watches her face fall a little and then she starts to lead him outside.
‘Blair? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…’ He’s afraid he hurt her by bringing it up. It’s the last thing he wants today. They stop and sit on the bench when she finally says something.
‘No, it’s my fault. I’m sorry Chuck.’ She says softly and he looks at her thinking what’s going on. Is she going to break up with him? Had she understood she will be never happy with him like she would be with Nate?
‘What are you talking about Blair?’ He asks not sure if he wants to hear the answer.
‘I’m sorry I used you.’ He wants to interrupt her but she puts her fingers on his lips so he stays quiet.
‘I was hurt by Nate, angry that he was with me when he wanted Serena. And still I did the same to you. I let you be here for me, let you love me. I was afraid of being alone and I used you even though I didn’t love you. I let you sacrifice your dream future for me. And I know you shouldn’t ever forgive me, because I’m sure I will never forgive Nate completely but I am sorry. Really sorry Chuck and I know it’s probably means nothing to you but I love you. I realized it today watching Serena and Nate getting married. I didn’t feel the pain like I though I would, I was actually happy for them. I realized that I love our life in New Haven, our life together. I love you Chuck and I will be forever thankful for what you gave me.’
He sat there paralyzed, staring at his Blair like he just saw her for the first time. Just when she started to get up to walk away thinking he doesn’t want to speak with her, he woke up.
‘Blair, wait!’ He grabbed her hand and pulled her in his arms. She looked at him surprised and he gave her a small smile. ‘I love our life too.’ He said and kissed her.
He loved her and he didn’t need any more apologizes. He doesn’t need to make her feel hurt like he felt in some moments of their relationship. And she knows him enough to know it’s going to be ok without him saying anything else. She doesn’t expect some forgiveness speech or these three letters back because it’s time for her to be here for him and she knows their true even if he doesn’t say it. She always knew.
They are engaged few months later and he’s happy. They have their life in their apartment, which didn’t really change because they were happy for a long time. It just took Blair longer to see that the love of her life was always here and she makes sure to make up for these years. She tells him she loves because she wants to and she initiate their love making when it the past she would never make a first move.
They fight more often now because he is no longer afraid she leaves if he’ll push a little more but still make up sex makes up for it. They’re get married after college and move in the apartment on the Upper East Side. Chuck starts to work with his father and she’s proud of him, making sure he gets from her the approval his father still can’t give him.
Blair loves her own job too but with each day thinks about new addiction to their family more often. He loves the look on Chuck’s face when they find out she’s pregnant though she never doubted he will be delighted about it.
She has her dream live with a guy years ago she wouldn’t imagine to be here but now she can’t think about anyone who could ever replace him.