The Superhero in the Alley [1.12]
Cullen: More than three cameras show up and some homicide detective kicks it up to his captain, who kicks it up to the chief, who kicks it to the FBI.
Booth: Bang! And kick it down to me, which I thank you, sir, for the opportunity.
Cullen: Booth, I want this closed. I don’t want to look at next Sunday's Post and read "Church kids find mystery corpse dressed for Halloween. FBI remains clueless."
Booth: I guarantee you won’t read that, sir.
Bones: Don’t use your charm smile on me.
Booth: What? (laughs) It’s a mark of respect. That’s all.
Zack: I never read comic books.
Hodgins: Really? I had you pegged for a graphic novel nut.
Zack: The uh, face and cranial vault are badly fractured. Blows to the parietal have sent radiating fracture lines to the mid frontal and anterior temple buttresses. (to Hodgins) Why?
Hodgins: Star Wars, Star Trek, Stargate, Battlestar Galactica…
Booth: Ah, he has Batman number 127 featuring The Hammer of the Thor. This is worth about three hundred bucks.
Brennan: Booth, are you a nerd?
Booth: First of all, you mean geek, and no, I’m not, okay? It’s quite normal for an American male to read comic books.
Brennan: I find it hard to believe you have anything in common with Warren Granger.
Booth: Oh, you mean isolated with an inner secret life? No, okay. I’d say you were more like Warren.
Bones: Zack discovered some significant hairline peri fractures on the right and left ulnae. It’s his arms.
Booth: I know ulna means forearm. I pay attention.
(They enter the attic of a comic book store, where teenagers are standing around, wearing costumes.)
Booth: Guys, this is actually a real live woman, something you don’t see often.
Booth: What’s your name?
Abigail: Blue Minnow.
Booth: Okay guys, when I ask your names, I want the ones that your parents gave you.
Goodman: All writers reveal more of themselves then they intend on their page.
Booth: You know, I’ve gotta tell you, I never bought all that English 101 stuff. Sometimes a river is just a river.
Brennan: (to Goodman) With all due respect, my writing for example is pure fiction.
Goodman: Dr. Brennan, I fear you reveal much more of your world view in your writing then you realize.
Brennan: Such as?
Goodman: Such as, archaeologists make good administrators because they enjoy tedium.
Angela: Such as, artists are doomed to a life of loneliness because they are unable to think beyond instant gratification.
Booth: Such as, you know, FBI guys are hot and Angela here wants to have sex with me.
Hodgins: What are you reading?
Zack: I’m doing research.
Hodgins: By reading a comic book?
Zack: Intensely allegorical modern myths.
Hodgins: You’re reading Bugs Bunny, man.
Zack: On the surface, yes, but if you dig deeper the subtext becomes apparent. The conflict is representative of the Darwinian struggle between avians and mammals for dominance.
Hodgins: Based on Bugs giving Daffy Duck a cigar made out of dynamite?
Zack: Yeah. And then here... he explodes, but not really.
(At a bowling alley)
Booth: Do you smell that?
Bones: Yes, I do.
Booth: You know what that is, Bones?
Booth: That is America, Bones.
Booth: Ah, well my average is over 200, less then two opens per game, one match I had 211 strikes out of 431 shots. Twenty-nine opens, thirty-nine games.
Bones: What does that mean?
Booth: It means I won some bowling awards.
Bones: I won the Marshall A. Sixon award for my paper on Giorgio Romanus and physiological selection.
Booth: My God, it’s like we lead parallel lives.
Bones: You told her that her son didn’t tell her about being sick to make her feel better.
Bones: You don’t really believe that.
Booth: Well, people don’t actually do that.
Bones: So you just told her that to make her feel better?
Bones: So you just did what you said people don’t do.
Ellis: Dude, Abby’s cute in a chick geek kind of way but she’s definitely not that kind of baddy you go to the death chamber for.
Bones: You said before that Warren reminded you of me. You think I’m just like him, that he hid from life by immersing himself in a fantasy world where he fought crime and I do the same thing only I don’t have super powers. I... have science.
Booth: C’mon, Bones, you do fight crime. It’s not a fantasy. As far as any normal person is concerned, you do have super powers.
Bones: You’re just saying that to me.
Booth: No, I don’t do that.
Bones: Yes you do. You lied to Warren Granger’s mother to make her feel better. That seems to be your super power.
Bones: I noticed how you held yourself the last time I was here. I didn’t think anything of it, though viewed through the current context-
Lucy: What is she talking about?
Booth: She wants to know how you hurt yourself.
Bones: I’ll see you in the comic books, buster.
Booth: Thanks, I’ll get this back to you. (He escorts Bones to the exit.) It’s, “see you in the funny pages."
Bones: Okay, I took a liberty.
Booth: Bones! Talk about multiple hypotheses.
Bones: It’s a leap, yes but it was bound to happen, me spending so much time with you. I mean that as a compliment.
Booth: Yeah well, I mean, if you know you, it’s pretty obvious.
Bones: Well, give me an example.
Booth: Okay, well in your books, your partner is a former Olympic boxer who graduated from Harvard and spoke six different languages. In real life - you got me.
Bones: So what you’re saying is that reality falls far, far short of fictional.
Booth: Yeah, thanks a lot, Bones.
Bones: He wanted to make a difference in the world before he died. (Booth looks at her.) I told you he was more like you than me.
The Woman in the Garden [1.13]
Bones: Why did they call in the FBI to little Salvador?
Booth: Well you know, the car’s got Virginia plates, across state lines, and then there’s a suspected gang member, and then there’s Rico to deal with. Look, Bones, do you really want to know?
Bones: No, I was just using it as an excuse to make conversation and reestablish our connection.
Bones: Well, I read a book about improving work relationships. It’s not fair to expect you to tell me everything.
Booth: I appreciate the effort, Bones.
Booth: Great, now he's ignoring us in two languages.
Hodgins: Typically grave diggers are necrophiliacs looking for a little action.
Angela: Um, eww.
Hodgins: In Pikeville, Tennessee, a guy dug up the graves of all these people 'cause he wanted to make sure their bodies were still there. They weren’t.
Villeda: What’s your problem, man?
Booth: What’s my problem? My problem is that somebody shot at me, shot at me and my partner plus you know, a bad guy got away. So I’m a little cranky about the whole thing.
Booth: Okay, Hodgins, suit up; you’re coming with us. We’re going to the Barrio.
Hodgins: Field work. Cool. Do I get a gun?
Bones: You… you can’t arm Hodgins and not me.
Booth: What is it with you people and the guns, huh?
Hodgins: Look at this. The government bankrupts itself giving tax breaks to the rich so there’s no money left to help these people with job training, educational resources, health care…
Booth: Just look for a garden with the plant.
Hodgins: Unless they land a job working for minimum wage that hasn’t seen a hike in eight years.
Bones: That’s for those who are here legally. The undocumented do a lot worse.
Booth: What is this, NPR radio, huh? What, are you two running for office?
Bones: Why would a gang leader cooperate?
Booth: I’m going to ask him very, very nicely, Bones.
Bones: You know that book I’m reading about getting along with your coworkers, it says that sarcasm is never helpful. I can lend it to you if you want.
Hodgins: Yeah, and here’s the kicker. There was also evidence of genetic material from a franklinia alatamaha on his shoe.
Booth: You’re kidding. I’m in shock, Frankie Alabama, you don’t say.
Bones: Did you hear what I said about sarcasm?
[Bones and Hodgins smile at each other and give each other a high five.]
Booth: (fake laughs) Okay, you guys should do that even less than normal people.
[Booth’s SUV. Booth is driving, Bones is in the passenger seat, and Hodgins is in back.]
Hodgins: I called shotgun. What does it mean to a society when the niceties are no longer observed?
Bones: I like puzzles. I find them relaxing. I just finished The Anatomy Lesson by Rembrandt.
Booth: You’re kidding, right?
Bones: What do you find relaxing?
Booth: I restore vintage cars.
Hodgins: I know what I find relaxing.
Booth: Everybody finds what you find relaxing, relaxing.
Booth: Let's pretend that I'm the cop for a second.
Zack: This is interesting.
Angela: Interesting or horrible? Cause sometimes it’s the same thing with you.
Bones: Are you mad at me?
Booth: No, but you know, I could have gotten something back there if you hadn’t gotten all mushy on me.
Bones: I was uncomfortable with… You always say I’m not a cop. You’re right, especially in a situation like that.
Booth: Well, it’s okay.
Booth: I’m going to call ICE and have you and your wife deported back to El Salvador.
Jose: I got a son.
Booth: Forget it, we keep the son.
Jose: That’s my son. It’s my only son. You got kids?
Bones: What? Yes you do. (Booth gives her a look.)
Angela: You beat up a gang leader?
Bones: Booth told you that?
Angela: You did. You… got into a fight with a gang banger.
Hodgins: Am I interrupting a female moment?
(Booth sees Ortez walk down the alley and he jumps out of his car. Booth runs up behind him quietly jerks him around and slams him into a wall.)
Ortez: What, are you crazy? This is my neighborhood.
Booth: You put a hit out on my partner?
Ortez: She's not FBI.(Booth punches him in the face. Then he grabs him by the throat and pulls out his gun. He puts the gun under his chin while he’s holding his neck.)
Booth: I never said anything about FBI. She’s my partner, see, and if anything happens to her, I will find you and I will kill you. I won’t think twice. Come here, look at my eyes. (he cocks his gun and puts it in Ortez’s mouth) Look at my face, if anything happens to her, I will kill you. This is between you and me. What nobody sees, nobody knows. You’ve got nothing to prove. You understand? You understand?(Ortez tries to say yeah.)
Booth: Yeah, I thought so. Now if you don’t mind, I’ll leave first, 'cause I’ve got somewhere I have to be. (Booth uncocks his gun, turns and takes a few steps. Then he turns around again quickly, cocks his gun, and aims it at Ortez’s head. He stares at him for a few moments then walks away.)
Booth: Am I in trouble?
Angela: You’re late for a funeral, of course you’re in trouble.
Booth: (to Bones) Sorry. I apologize. I… everything okay here?
Bones: Where were you?
Booth: I had something to do.
Bones: More important than a funeral?
Booth: I thought so at the time.
The Man in the Fairway [1.14]
Brennan: Plane crashes don’t belong to the FBI.
Zack: Why not? FAA stands for Federal Aviation Administration. The NTSB stands for National Transportation Safety Board. That sounds Federal to me and FBI stands for Federal Bureau…
Zack: This is the third time in a row we’ve investigated without Booth. I don’t like it.
Brennan: Why? He mostly ignores you.
Zack: Ignoring me is Booth’s way of acknowledging my presence. It’s a guy thing.
Zack: What makes this one of our cases?
Ian: I beg your pardon?
Zack: We’re kind of special. We’re elite. We don’t sort though just any set of bodies.
Zack: I apologize if I've offended you. Usually we have an FBI agent that mediates our interpersonal encounters.
Brennan: What are the odds?
Zack: A crashing plane falling directly on a human being? One in...ten million.
Dr. Goodman: The information that I’m about to tell you must not leave this room.
Hodgins: I am philosophically opposed to institutional secrecy in all its forms.
Dr. Goodman: Fine, get out.
Hodgins: (scoffs) Pfft.
Dr. Goodman: Two communist Chinese trade attachés were on that plane when it crashed, both high ranking party men.
Hodgins: Obviously, we shot it down.
Brennan: Not to mention, three bone fragments which were not on the plane.
Dr. Goodman: Is there any chance those bone fragments were on the plane?
Angela: What, you mean as carry-on luggage?
Brennan: (to Booth) Got it, or you want me to explain it again?
Brennan: These fragments come from a person who was hacked.
Booth: Hacked to little bits?
Brennan: No medium sized bits, not sure how it turned into little bits yet.
Brennan: Dismemberment, little bits, it's a murder.
Booth: Well, FBI doesn’t have jurisdiction at a golf course.
Brennan: Well, who does?
Booth: I don’t know. Try the PGA.
Booth: You know, you’ve done a couple of cases without me and you miss me.
Brennan: Zack misses you, not me.
Booth: Zack and I don’t even talk.
Brennan: He seems to think it’s a male bonding ritual.
Booth: Maybe he’s right.
Brennan: No he’s not.
Booth: Could be.
Brennan: You told him that so you wouldn’t have to talk to him.
Booth: Well, it was nicer then shooting him.
Brennan: Goodman has ordered me to investigate the other extra body.
Booth: Well then you better get on that. Next time, you know, you miss me, pick up the phone, call me, we’ll do lunch or something.
Brennan: I do not miss you!
Booth: Yeah you miss me. C’mon.
Brennan: I do not miss you!
Booth: Say it. (A security guard walks in.)
Guard: Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth, you have a visitor. (he leaves)
Booth: You miss me.
Brennan: No I don’t. (she walks out.)
Booth: You miss me. You miss me.
Kane: He doesn’t know what it’s like to lose a parent, you do.
Booth: (angry) You want to back down a jot there, buddy?
Booth: Okay, how do you know about the Chinese? (Kane ignores him and Booth snaps in his face and puts his hand in front of Bones' face) Do not look at Dr. Brennan, okay?
Kane: Do you mind if I ask you how many bone fragments you found?
Bones: Yes, I do. I don’t discuss ongoing investigations.
Booth: (smug) She doesn’t discuss ongoing investigations.
Bones: Will you help?
Booth: Well, you know, I guess if you’re uh, really asking me, I guess I could, uh, you know, fudge it with my boss to make it look like it was attached to the Chinese plane crash thing.
Angela: You mean after the Communist thing?
Bones: No, immediately.
Hodgins: I’m in.
Zack: You want us to defy Dr. Goodman.
Hodgins: I’m in.
Bones: Not defy, per say. Do both jobs, but keep one a secret.
Hodgins: I’m in.
Angela: We get it. You’re a rebel.
Bones: Booth is looking over your file now.
Kane: I wasn’t looking for his help.
Bones: We work together.
Booth: Subtle psychological indicators, Bones.
Bones: I looked those up on the internet: body language, sweat, tonal quality, shifty eyes.
Booth: Hey, you know what? I don’t go poking around your bones stuff, okay. Just leave the human stuff to me.
Zack: The victim was frozen, dismembered, and fed into a wood chipper.
Hodgins: And spread over a golf course.
Angela: Either talk loudly enough so I can hear all the way or whisper so I can’t.
Angela: I have a theory.
Hodgins: Femme fatal assassin.
Zack: Unregistered flight attendant.
Angela: Young, beautiful girl, doesn’t appear on the in flight manifest, group of high-powered politicos.
Zack: Wait. What? What?
Brennan: Someone on that flight might have been doing his daughter or girlfriend a favor.
Angela: Ugh, you’re so sweet, honey. You really are.
Zack: Oh, you think she was the in-flight entertainment.
Zack: So we’re going to drop this and get back to what Dr. Goodman told us to do in the first place?
Bones: No, we are going to keep doing what we are doing behind Goodman’s back.
Hodgins: That’s the spirit.
Booth: But if he could see you now...
Kane: I’d like to think he can see me now.
Bones: Your father is dead. A dead person can’t see anything.
Angela: I was being your wingman.
Bones: What’s that?
Booth: What’s more interesting than escorts?
Zack: No way!
Booth: [to Brennan] The correct response would be "yes way."
Brennan: Oh. Yes way.
Brennan: I feel like kicking him.
Booth: That's normal after a pursuit. We try not to do that.
Booth: You testing out my instincts, Bones?
Bones: Poking and prodding. I learned from the best. (pinches his cheek.)
Bones: I’m sorry, Jesse.
Kane: For what? Suspecting that I killed my own father?
Bones: No, I’m not sorry for that.
Booth: List the pertinence.
Zack: Me? Are you talking directly to me?
Booth: Yeah, you can tell because my eyes are looking at you. My mouth is aimed in your direction.
Zack: But what about our guy thing? If you’re speaking to me then does this mean I’m not on the team?
Bones: I want to ask you another favor.
Booth: Oh jeez, another favor.
Bones: I wonder if you wouldn’t mind taking a look at this. (slides the file over to him.)
Booth: The file on your parents? Yeah, okay.
Bones: Do you want to think about it? It’s a pretty big favor.
Booth: You’d do it for me.
Bones: Yeah, I would.
Booth: I’m proud you asked, Temperance.
Bones: You’re back to ignoring Zack?
Booth: Alright look, I know you don’t approve but, you know, it works for us; it worked for him so…
Bones: Yeah, I get it, and it’s kind of sweet.
Two Bodies in the Lab [1.15]
Zack: The remains show evidence of bullet wounds.
Hodgins: Which would explain why he has all those holes in him.
Hodgins: Should we really be involved in mob stuff? I mean, they're really into to the whole killing thing.
Bones: Ah, can't work tonight. Tomorrow morning is fine.
Angela: You have a date tonight.
Bones: It's not a date, it's a meal.
Hodgins: With a man?
Angela: You two know each other?
Bones: Well, I was at the Bureau when Booth took his coffee cup. Apparently they're both the "world's greatest FBI Agent".
Booth: You know, what ever happened to seeing someone across a crowded room, eyes meeting, that old black magic gets you in its spell?
Bones: There's no such thing as magic.
Booth: Oh, there's magic.
Bones: Are you here for a reason?
Bones: Ask them to save the excrement for Hodgins.
Bones: My reservation just got pushed by a few extra minutes.
Booth: Oh, a few extra minutes. Great.
Bones: You disapprove?
Booth: I said great.
Bones: With attitude.
Booth: Don't go overboard with psychology. It's not your thing.
Bones: Look, I am an adult, Booth. I see men. I go out with them on occasion. I sleep with them.
Booth: Hey, you know what? That's cool, but you don't even know who this guy is that you're meeting.
Bones: I have trekked through Tibet avoiding the Chinese army. I think I can handle meeting someone for dinner.
Booth: Fine, you know what? You have fun with Dick431 or whatever his handle is.
Bones: Yeah, I will.
Hodgins: I'm doing the fecal flotation right now. (pauses) Wow, don't get to say that a lot.
(After Bones has been in a drive-by shooting)
Angela: Are you sure you don't want a drink?
Zack: You know it wouldn't be difficult to someone to encode a secure data strip, implant it on an ID card with correct digitally encoded authentication data, and sneak in here.
Hodgins: That is possible.
Bones: Are you two going to help or not?
Angela: You know, Booth's pissed that you came here. He had more questions for you at the scene.
Bones: He just doesn't want to come here because he has to park in the structure.
Booth: Bones, what the hell are you doing?
Bones: Working. Why does everyone find that so odd?
Booth: Why? Oh, I don't know. Why? Because maybe an hour ago someone tried to kill you.
Booth: I don't think it's a good idea for you to continue to work these cases.
Bones: This is what I do, Booth.
Booth: Look Bones, I know it's hard for you to admit you're wrong about something, but I really don't care about your feelings right now, I'm more concerned with your life. So they're bringing your date in for interrogation, grab your coat.
Bones: I'm working.
Booth: Bones! I'm not letting you out of my sight until I find out who is trying to kill you.
David: Okay, I'm sorry. Did I miss something, 'cause I don't want to get in the way or between...?
Bones: What? Uh, no.
Bones: Booth still doesn't approve, but I told him to mind his own business.
Angela: Hey, Booth is a big, strong, hot guy who wants to save your life. I mean, you actually have a knight in shining, FBI-standard issued body armor, so cut him some slack.
Booth: Let's go.
Booth: Kenton is putting together everything he's got on Cugeni's disappearance.
Bones: I'm probably more valuable here.
Booth: No, you're definitely more valuable alive. Alright? I'm not leaving you alone. Come on.
Zack: If it's so dangerous here, why are you leaving us?
Booth: Big strong guy like you, huh? (punches him in the arm) You'll be able to take care of yourself.
Zack: (grimaces) Ow.
(Hollings is a suspect)
Hollings: I'm afraid without cause or a warrant...
Booth: Oh, you see I do have cause. You see this key here is from a federal building, it says "do not duplicate," and the other one looks like it was used in a burglary just around the corner and oh, since you did allow us into your home...
Hollings: This is very rude, Agent Booth.
Hodgins: The concrete used to sink Cugeni is composed of class F fly ash instead of Portland cement, which is very exciting.
Zack: Not yet.
Bones: Romano doesn't seem very worried.
Booth: Ah, it's hubris.
Bones: Good word.
Booth: Thank you.
(Bones holds up a large key ring)
Booth: Bones, how many keys do you need?
Bones: Car, house, lab, morgue... I need a lot of keys.
Booth: I'll sleep on the couch.
Bones: You think you're staying here with me?
Booth: Yeah. Nice place, by the way, Bones.
Booth: Kenton is on his way over. You have to promise me that you are going to stay with him.
Bones: I will.
Booth: Did they gather all the evidence from the explosion?
Bones: You're sure?
Bones: Yes. Booth, I was there. They were very thorough and I was very annoying.
Booth: I'm fine. You know, I- I don't even know if- if I have to stay here. You know?
Bones: You got blown up.
Booth: I've been worse.
Kenton: You look like crap.
Booth: Yeah, well, a little bit more of this pudding and I'll be just fine, you know.
Booth: Stick with her.
Kenton: Yeah, if you want me to.
Bones: Don't you think I should be consulted?
Booth: No, keep her close.
Angela: Let's talk revenge, bloodlust.
Bones: The cathartic release we are looking for can only be achieved when we successfully gather enough evidence to neutralize the person or persons responsible for putting Booth in that hospital.
Zack: Neutralize can mean either kill or arrest.
Bones: Yes, it can mean either.
Angela: There's no ring, single or gay?
Kenton: Gay? Why would you say gay?
Angela: Brokeback, baby, gotta ask.
Booth: Why are you here? Is Brennan alright?
Hodgins: People never tell me I'm right. They only say I'm crazy. Love you, man.
(Booth starts to sit up to get out of hospital bed.)
Hodgins: What the hell are you doing?
Booth: You're driving.
Bones: No, I'm coming.
Kenton: Booth said it was pointless to argue.
Bones: He is a smart man, Booth.
Hodgins: Maybe that nurse was right to be pissed that you were leaving.
Hodgins: Hey, it is not your fault.
Booth: How could it not be my fault? It was my job to protect her, instead I hand her over to him.
Hodgins: Because he is dead?
Booth: Because he's dead.
Hodgins: This conspiracy thing is a lot more intense when you're in the middle of it.
Hodgins: "This uh, building." Oh yeah, that's really specific.
Booth: Well, crackheads aren't that detailed oriented.
Booth: We got to be careful.
Agent: There's no we, Booth.
Booth: Yeah, I'm going in with you.
Agent: You can barely stand.
Booth: I said, I'm going with you. Give me my gun.
(Booth groans from his injuries)
Hodgins: Maybe you shouldn't have had all that pudding...
(Booth saves Bones. She's still bound, and crying)
Booth: Oh, it's okay. I'm right here. It's all over. Okay. Shh. I'm right here, alright. It's all over. Shh, alright.
Bones: How did you get out of the hospital?
Booth: Hodgins gave me a ride. Maybe... maybe you could give me a ride back though, huh?
Booth: You know, I let you down, Bones. I'm sorry.
Bones: You saved my life.
Booth: Yeah but you know, I shouldn't... it shouldn't have gone down like that.
Bones: What a pair.
The Woman in the Tunnel [1.16]
Booth: (to Bones) You know Treasure of the Sierra Madre, but you don't know Charlize Theron? You know who you are? You're my grandmother.
Brennan: You're nervous.
Angela: I'm not nervous. I'm scared. I don't know how to talk to crazy people, unless I'm dating them.
The Man with the Bone [1.18]
Booth: Welcome to the dungeon.
Bones: Why does the FBI always stick their morgues in the most depressing basement they can find?
Booth: Don't be such a snob, Bones, okay? Not everyone gets to play in a multimillion dollar lab, you know... with skylights.
Bones: It's because as a society we feel the need to hide death away. The people who deal with the death are viewed as freaks.
Cullen: Okay, let me see if I get this straight. The pirate bones you recovered came from the Jeffersonian to start with.
Dr. Goodman: 300-year-old bones stolen from our own pirate exhibit.
Cullen: And then recovered by own of your own people?
Booth: Dr. Hodgins.
Cullen: Who brought them back to the Jeffersonian, where they were stolen again?
Booth: Re-stolen, sir.
Cullen: You got a security problem, Dr. Goodman.
Dr. Goodman: And when I find out who did this, you may have a murder problem.
Security Guard: I didn't see the harm.
Bones: In stealing human remains?
Security Guard: After 300 years, it's not like he's got a family grieving for him out there.
Goodman: Think of me as a grieving parent.
Booth: Grand theft, buddy. You're looking at eight years.
Goodman: If I don't kill you.
Booth: How much did you get for 'em?
Security Guard: A couple of hundred bucks.
Booth: Yeah. So this, uh, wire transfer into your bank for ten grand - was that inheritance?
Booth: You know, you need a better screening process down at the museum.
Goodman: Ironic, given we contract that out to the FBI.
(Bones slaps Rose)
Booth: Woah, Bones!
Lawyer: That's assault.
Bones: Would a Special Forces guy have been able to stop that?
Booth: I don't know, you kind of got the jump on him there.
Bones: Well, this one won't be a surprise. You ready?
Rose: What? (Bones slaps him again)
Lawyer: This is common assault! Charges will be laid.
Booth: No way he's Special Ops, yeah it's just a lot of PR crap.
Bones: Alright, no more questions.
Hodgins: Hey, all for one and one for all, right?
Dean: That was the Three Musketeers.
Hodgins: Yeah, they were always pirate-y to me.
Booth: Guy was a Navy SEAL.
Bones: So? You were a guide.
Booth: A Ranger. I was a Ranger, Bones. Okay? I was not a guide. Guides, they show you waterfalls, they sell you cookies. I was a Ranger.
Bones: Are Rangers afraid of SEALS?
Booth: What? Come on, Bones. Wh-? Rangers aren't afraid of anybody... SEALS are pretty good, though.
Dean: You good enough to take that shot, before I cut this air hose, Ranger?
Booth: Pretty good.
Bones: What, just pretty good?
Booth: Please, I'm workin'!
Bones: This is a corpse. With skin.
Dr. Harry: Oh, she is good.
The Man in the Morgue [1.19]
Booth: Voodoo.. [laughs] Who's gonna believe that stuff?
Brennan: It's a religion, no crazier than, well, what are you?
Brennan: They believe in the same saints you do. And prayer. What they call spells, you call miracles. They have priests.
Booth: We don't make zombies.
Brennan: Jesus rose from the dead after three days.
Booth: Jesus is not a zombie! Alright? Man, I shouldn't even have to tell you that.
Bones: Well, he's probably asleep. He's been working nights. Graham? Graham?
Bones: Voodoo healing is quite effective. No crazier than acupuncture or exorcism.
Booth: Hey, hey, easy on the Catholics, okay? Just... easy.
Caroline: I am doing you a favor taking this case, Booth. But as the lady cop says, I'm a prosecutor. And as it stands now, I could try this case in my PJs and still get a conviction.
Brennan: Well, shouldn't you get to know your clients before you make snap judgments?
Booth: We just stopped by to ask why.
Detective Harding: Why?
Bones: That's what we came here to ask.
Detective Harding: You wanna look behind me and remind yourselves why I'm a little low on sense of humor.
Bones: Wha- That wasn't a joke...
Booth: Oh, no, she's not wisecracking. She just tends to be a bit literal.
Caroline: Fine. Stop me when I get something wrong. Trained in three types of martial arts, two assault charges, registered marksman with the NRA, hunting licenses in four states…
Booth: You hunt?
Brennan: Only for food.
Caroline: Shot an unarmed man.
Dr. Brennan: He was trying to set me on fire.
Booth: All right, just…just arrange bail for us Caroline so we can get out of here.
Caroline: Sure, sure. Don't want to get this one mad at me.
Booth: Bones! Stop. This is the last time and place that you want to be rational, okay? Let's just be wildly emotional and assume that you didn't psychotically murder a coworker who invited you over for dinner.
Hodgins: We both like brussel sprouts.
Zack: You don't like brussel sprouts.
Hodgins: A man can change, Zack.
Brennan: Why are you nice to me?
Booth: Because. Because they think they get away with it.
Booth: They burn their victim. They blow him up. They toss him in the ocean. They bury them in the desert. They throw ‘em to wood chippers. Sometimes, you know, years go by, they relax. Then they start living their lives like they didn't do anything wrong. Like they didn't spend somebody else's life in order to get what they got. They think they're safe from retribution. You make those bastards unsafe. That's why I'm nice to you.
Brennan: I couldn't do that without you Booth.
Booth: Yeah. So, um, you should be a little nicer to me, huh?
Brennan: I really should.
[In a telephone conversation]
Angela: Or, better still, you could forget the whole thing and come home.
Brennan: Don't worry, I made bail.
Angela: Bail? For what?
Brennan: I told you, don't worry. The murder charge won't stick.
Hodgins: Whoa, whoa. Murder charge?
Angela: Brennan, the next plane, OK? The next plane, or I'm coming down there to get you myself.
Brennan: Everything's fine. I'm healing up satisfactorily. Bye for now.
Brennan: Booth, objects have no intrinsic power. A person's future does not depend on some thing. Things are just things. They do not have magical meaning or powers. [Booth shows her the missing earring he found] Where'd you get that?
Booth: What does it matter? It's just a thing. Right?
Brennan: My mother's earring.
Booth: No, uh…magical power over your future. [Booth walks out]
Angela: Does that prove something?
Brennan: [looking at earring] Yeah. It proves something.
Hodgins: They put the voodoo on you, baby! ...I didn't really mean to call you "baby."
Murderer starts chanting voodoo spells, Brennan steps forward and pokes him in the eye.]
Brennan: I find very few people are scary once they've been poked in the eye.
The Graft in the Girl [1.20]
Cullen: (to Booth) You heard the lady. You're cool.
Bones: (under her breath) Yeah, right.
Bones: Doctor, you performed Amy Cullen's graft, correct?
Doctor: Yes, but I just do the procedure, Ms. Brennan.
Booth: Doctor Brennan.
Doctor: Well, those who can't do, do research.
Booth: (stepping in) Okay...
Bones: Well, you can spit into four states from where we are right now.
Bones: Not literally.
Zack: When your number's up, I guess, right? I never understood that saying, "when your number's up." Numbers and equations are quantitative and predictable. Everyone knows when a number's up.
Booth: How do you listen to this all day?
Bones: I find intelligence soothing.
Bones: In this case, I don't think so.
Booth: We don't think so. (they stare at each other)
Booth: (laughs) Ten grand? Geez, my bones are worth more than that.
Bones: What makes you so special?
Booth: (proudly) Three glasses of milk a day, I work out, and I eat right.
Booth: Alright, if it's not the widow Hastings, I'm doubling down on the mortician. Everybody in? (no one answers, to Hodgins) You in?
Booth: Come on, how much is that one?
Booth: Bones, watch the scuff marks.
Bones: But, here's the kickster.
Booth: Kicker, Bones. Here's the kicker.
Bones: (upset) Oh...
The Soldier in the Grave [1.21]
Goodman: It's difficult knowing Kent will never play again. Makes the war so real.
Hodgins: Which is odd because it was all fiction that got us there in the first place.
Goodman: So you don't think we should stand up to tyrants?
Hodgins: Sure. I've been waitin' for the press to do that for three years now.
Bones: It's a necessary psychology of warfare. Heroes and villains. Without clear distinctions like that, we'd never be able to fight.
Bones: You believe somehow he's still here, watching?
Booth: Yeah. You don't. I get that.
Bones: I know you think he's a good man. That's... that's enough for me.
Booth: You could've just stayed back there and played with your bones.
Bones: I know. Just wanted to keep you company, that's all.
Bones: Yeah. I'm trying to be more sociable. You know?
Booth: Lousy liar.
Booth: It's just... it's another case.
Bones: You're not such a great liar yourself.
Bones: I'm your partner. Let me be your partner.
Bones: John Wayne syndrome.
Booth: Don't tell me you're gonna trash the Duke?
Bones: Wh- are you kidding? I love the Duke.
Booth: (impression) "I wouldn't have guessed that one, little lady."
Bones: Remember Stagecoach? (impression) "Listen, cowboy. Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."
Booth: What was that? The Duke? That was horrible. That was like, Jerry Lewis.
Bones: Was not.
Bones: Now you're a mind reader.
Booth: Maybe. You want me to guess your weight?
Bones: You do and you could lose a tooth.
Angela: You have to think before you speak.
Bones: Why? I can say anything to you without thinking about it first.
Angela: Yeah, men aren't like us. They're much more fragile and needy. The fact that they think we're the needy ones is a testament to our superiority.
Bones: The M.E. marked seven entry points, but the report says there were only six bullets.
Zack: I could've done better with a Crayola.
Hodgins: Were you really mad before?
Angela: Why? Because of your strident, paranoid ramblings?
Hodgins: I'm guessing mad.
Hodgins: Can I at least give you some material to read?
Angela: You could try, but you'd walk funny for a week.
Hodgins: I know we don't see eye to eye on a lot of stuff, because, you know, politically, I think we live in an Orwellian nightmare due to-
Booth: What... what are you trying to say?
Hodgins: Just, I'm sorry, man. I really am.
Hodgins: Look, Angela. Look, I run on sometimes, I know. I guess I think if I yell loud enough, maybe someone will listen.
Angela: Well you have to be careful people don't go deaf. You know, what you did for Booth before... showing him you understood, that was good. Everyone hears something like that.
Hank: You never talked to anybody about it? You've got to. How about your girlfriend, that doctor?
Booth: Nah. No, she's... you know. She's just my partner.
Bones: This is hard for Booth. He's idealistic.
Angela: Well, it's nice to know somebody that wants to keep honor and responsibility alive.
Bones: I tell Booth we're on the same side. I'm not the one who's disillusioning him. It's my findings. But when I look at him, I... I don't know what else I can do.
Angela: I do.
Angela: As a friend, Brennan.
Bones: Yeah, that whole "friends with benefits" thing, that's- that's not happening.
Angela: I'm not talking about that. I'm, I'm talking about being there for him. Knowing when a simple touch is enough.
Bones: Maybe I can write him a note. I can be very articulate on paper.
Booth: I don't know what you're fighting for, Fuller, but it sure as hell wasn't my country.
Booth: I've done some things.
Bones: I know.
Booth: No, no, you don't.
Bones: But it's okay.
Booth: You know, we all die a little bit, Bones. With each shot, we all die a little bit.
The Woman in Limbo [1.22]
Bones: (to Dr. Goodman) The last time I read from photocopies, the defense lawyer told the jury I was winging it.
Booth: (walks in) Ready? Chop, chop.
Bones: I can't find my original notes.
Booth: Photocopy in the file.
Bones: No. The last time the defense lawyer told the jury that I-
Booth: It was a play. It failed. Let's go.
Bones: What's up?
Zack: Buttercup. If you sign off on these tissue markers, Angela can finish the facial reconstruction.
Bones: Why did you say "buttercup"?
Zack: "What's up, buttercup" is an amusing, rhyming, linguistic meme. (points to skull) This is the latest Jane Doe from Limbo.
Booth: How 'bout this for an amusing, rhyming linguini. "See ya later, alligator."
Booth: So are you two, uh...?
David: Yeah, sort of. Is that a problem?
Angela: This totally freaked her out.
Zack: My theory: caffeine intolerance.
(Booth shows up at Bones' door with Chinese)
Bones: It's after midnight...
Booth: Well, I was driving by, I saw the lights. I thought you might like some Wong Foo's.
Bones: You saw my lights from the road?
Booth: That is correct.
Booth: I need the room, guys.
Zack: The whole lab? For what?
Hodgins: It's a cop way of saying, "get lost."
Russ: You're a cop.
Booth: You know who recognizes cops?
Russ: Other cops.
Booth: And crooks.
Hodgins: I used the laser scanning confocal microscope.
Angela: Which one is that?
Hodgins: It looks like an espresso machine.
Hodgins: We decided to tell you the truth... and this is the truth.
Booth: Alright, listen, Zack. If this guy moves, shoot him with a tranquilizer... dart... or something.
Zack: I don't actually have a tranquilizer gun...
Russ: Same old Tempe: never met a rule worth breaking.
Bones: Same old Russ: on parole.
Booth: (to Angela) Why do you think that Bones asked her boyfriend, you know, to, uh, read her book and not me? You know, maybe... maybe because there was just too much of me in the story. Oh, she was embarrassed. You think? May... maybe?
(in a crowded Evidence Processing warehouse)
Booth: Guys! Everyone! (whistles) I need the space! Now!
FBI Tech: What? Now?
Booth: Yeah. Now.
FBI Tech: Take five, everybody!
Bones: Twice in two days.
Bones: (to Angela) I miss that. Someone caring where I am all the time.
Booth: Bones! Bones! You up there?
Angela: Hate is easier to deal with than love, especially disappointed love.
Bones: If you keep bringing Chinese food in the middle of the night, we're both gonna get fat.
Booth: There's a story here we don't know yet.
Bones: Like what?
Booth: Bones, "don't know" means it's a mystery.
Zack: Dr. Brennan, is it morning?
Bones: No, I couldn't sleep. Why are you still here?
Zack: We're all here. No one's leaving until we figure out what happened to your mother.
Booth: If they don't cooperate, I'm gonna put his face in the paper.
Bones: Wouldn't you get in trouble for that?
Booth: Well, we'll find out. (leaves)
Angela: You know what? Sometimes, he is just... whew!
Bones: Three. .22 in the small of his back.
Booth: .22. I'm always right.
Bones: No, you're not.
Booth: Yes, I am. (notices Bones is aiming the .22) Bones, will you put the gun down.
Bones: (breaking down) I work at the Jeffersonian Institution. I'm a Forensic Anthropologist. I specialize in identif... in identifying... in identifying people when nobody knows who they are. My father was a science teacher. My mother was a bookkeeper. (she starts crying) My brother... I have a brother. I'm Dr. Temperance Brennan.
Booth: I know who you are. Hey. I know. (he pulls her in) It's okay. Shh. It's gonna be alright.
Booth: Maybe we'll get lucky and match the weapon he used on your mother.
Bones: It's unlikely.
Booth: In that case, we'll still ruin his day.
McVicker: (to Bones) I need to speak to you alone.
Booth: Forget it.
Bones: Booth, it's alright.
Bones: It's alright.
Booth: (to McVicker) You got two ways to look at this. One is, you score a private chat. The second one is, you attack her and I'll drill you through the forehead.
McVicker: How could I possibly attack her?
Booth: I'll decide what is and isn't an attack - like, say, a hiccup.
Bones: Why are you letting me drive?
Booth: It's your reward.
Booth: Can I read your book?
Bones: After it comes out.
Booth: Not before?
Booth: I let you drive.
Russ: You have a boy?
Booth: Yeah. (he looks at Bones' book. He sees the dedication: "This book is to my partner and friend, Special Agent Seeley Booth.)
Russ: The woman I'm seeing, she's got, uh, two daughters.
Booth: Nice. (he looks at Bones) Girls are nice.
Booth: To us.
Russ: Whoever the hell we are.
Bones: To what we're becoming.