From an email. Enjoy!
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges... You do the math.
Your $400,000 Vancouver home is a mere 5 hours from downtown.
You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
W - e - e - d
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.
Tax is 6% instead of approximately 200% as it is for the rest of the country.
You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
It's a downhill run to get to every other province.
The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
You never run out of wheat.
Your province is really easy to draw.
You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
People will just assume you live, or have lived on the farm.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.
Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes all within easy commute.
Nothing compares to wicked Winnipeg winters and really big insects in the summer.
You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
You live in the centre of the universe.
Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
The only province with hard-core American-style crime.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
Racism is socially very acceptable.
You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada.
You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo *#!%!"
Drivers' licences don't show birth dates so who really knows how old anyone there is.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick.
Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't just think they can.
You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big, new bridge.
You can walk across the province in half an hour.
You can drive across the province in two minutes.
Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."
This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
If Quebec separates, so will you -—you'll just float off to sea.
If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
The workday is about two hours long.
It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.
When you can't remember the correct name for something, just call it a "thingamabob" and everyone will know exactly what you're talking about.