Grand Theft Auto has become one of the best selling games ever made, selling literally millions of copies and more than games like Modern Warfare, Skyrim, Ocarina of Time, and even getting one up over Super Mario Bros. It just goes to show that children really do give more of a shit about GTA than Nintendo’s icon. But we’re not here to talk about GTA…. okay, we are, but not positively. We’re here to talk about the most hated characters in the game. Yeah, being in the criminal underworld for five games and eight other ones with no numbers in it, you're bound to run into at least one or two pricks eventually. Remember, one and two is the least. The most is… well, everyone is a bastard. Now, some rules, only from Grand Theft Auto games that I have played. Luckily for you, I’ve played them all (Except that one that takes place in London or some shit), and this is MY opinion. As much as people hate Roman, Bulgarin, and even the rest of Michael’s family (Seriously, Jimmy was number one on the list of worst GTA characters? What the fuck), I will not be putting them on the list because I don’t hate them AS MUCH as the other entries on this list. Also, since this is a GTA list, I will not go easy on any of my swearing, so swearing will be VERY heavy on this list. Also, this is VERY spoiler heavy, so read at your own risk. With that said, let us start the list.
#10: Francis McReary from GTA IV
I always liked the McReary’s. They were really interesting. Kate was the only nice one, Packie always steals the fucking show when he’s around, Gerry is definitely more collective compared to the others, and Derrick is a druggy who left after being hunted by the mafia… And then there’s this asshole. You know you’re a problem when your own brother doesn’t give a shit about you if you’re killed. Francis didn’t start off as a worthless prick, but he was a real piece of shit later on. You first meet him when you talk to Manny (Who honestly, I completely forgot about after playing through this entire game) and you don’t see him for a while. But when you do, he will make you kill criminals, as his idea of “justice”. And sometimes, he’ll kill those who threatens his police career. He’ll downright force and blackmail Niko to do the work for him, threatening to arrest him if he doesn’t do it. Needless to say, during the Derrick or Francis assassinations, I ALWAYS assassinated Francis. Oh, if I kill Derrick, Francis will make the cops stop chasing me if I only have two stars. Yeah, that’s all well and good, but the police AI is as dumb as rocks. I can lose them pretty easily. And besides, if I really wanted that, I could date a lawyer online and fix that problem. I don’t need the help of a selfish jackass like you, Francis.
#9: Catalina from San Andreas/GTA III
Talk about a woman who won’t let anything go. She started dating Carl Johnson in San Andreas, who she would force to perform S&M before every bank robbery (Don’t ask why. She’s just into that kinda stuff). However, she got mad at Carl for the stupidest fucking reason. Carl wanted to save his brother, Sweet, and leave the whole bank robbing life. However, APPARENTLY, that meant his brother's life was more important than insane bondage sex (Which it is) So she left Carl for Claude and left to Liberty City, but she would always mock Carl about her new relationship, even calling him while she was having sex with Claude to fuck with him. But it gets worse in GTA III, where after she robs a bank in Liberty City, she shoots Claude, leaving him for dead and having him get arrested by the police while she takes the money and leaves with her new boyfriend, Miguel, to join the Columbian Cartel to sell the drug SPANK and practically destroy the city, while at the same time crippling the Leone Family and the Yakuza, but this soon leads to both gangs hunting her down, where she, AGAIN, backstabs her boyfriend, Miguel, to save her own skin, leading to him being tortured by the Yakuza. I swear, she backstabs more people than… a certain character that we’ll soon get to.
#8: Vlad Glebov from GTA IV
So, every GTA character has been to prison for something. What did Vlad go to prison for? Sexual assault…. OH GOODY! In cutscenes alone, Vlad is nothing more than a narcissistic, drug addicted asshole, basically fucking over anyone who he sees as being lesser than he is. He will also force Niko (No surprise with every other asshole in the game) To do his dirty work for him, killing anyone who he sees as a threat, just so he can earn some money in his pocket. And remember that whole sexual assault thing. Well, yeah, as it turns out, Vlad is also a pervert, and since he has already threatened to attack Roman for his unpaid debts, his fiancee, Mallorie, to sleep with him several times, just so Roman wouldn’t get beaten up. And he did this basically whenever he wanted, since he knew Roman wouldn’t fight back. Thank god Niko came along, cause we all know he doesn’t take anyone’s shit, like Roman does.
#7: Lance Vance from Vice City Stories/Vice City
Every character in GTA has a depressing backstory. Trevor was abused until he went insane, Niko lost all of his innocence after seeing his friends die in the war, CJ was forced into the gang life in his childhood, Lance…. got teased in school… WHAT A FUCKING HEARTBREAKING BACKSTORY! But trust me, that’s not why he is on this list. in Vice City Stories, After his brother Victor is trying to find work, Lance forces him to join him in selling his own cocaine, which he eventually ends up forcing Victor’s girlfriend, Louise, to use, making her addicted to it. Eventually, Lance, in order to save himself, sends Louise to the Mendez Brothers, two powerful drug lords, who is killed by them. Lance then has the fucking nerve to say to Victor, right when he is mourning the death of Louise, that family (More specifically, just Lance) is more important. And Rockstar really felt the need to bring the bastard back in Vice City. In this one, when Tommy Vercetti is planning on a surprise kill on drug lord Ricardo Diaz to take over his drug empire in Vice City, Lance fucks it all up and gets Diaz aware of Tommy’s plan. And in the end, when Sonny Forelli, Tommy’s old trick, comes to Vice City, Tommy tries to hand over counterfeit money, but Lance betrayed Tommy before Sonny came, and warned Sonny about this so Lance could take over Tommy’s enterprise. I mean, for fucks sake, what a backstabbing prick. And this is a fact. He got 17th place on PC World's Top 47 Most Evil Video Game Characters… why 47, I don’t know.
#6: Lazlow Jones from GTA V
Not the real life Lazlow in our world, I’m sure he’s a nice guy. I mean the video game world Lazlow, who is a perverted sexual prick. On the radio alone, Lazlow was a piece of shit already, having a huge ego, insulting everyone he talked to, doing drugs and alcohol, doing things to his mother which he said were illegal in some states (Which I don’t want to fucking know) and drugged a woman and brought her home to his wife, asking for a three-way, leading to a divorce. But in GTA V, OH MY GOD, he got somehow worse, basically making him a sexual man and quite possibly a rapist, as can be seen with the mission Fame or Shame, where he inappropriately dances with Tracey De Santa, Michael’s daughter, on a live show, and again in the mission Reuniting the Family, where Lazlow down right asks Tracey to blow him. Like what the fuck man?! And let me tell you, that scene with Michael and Lazlow in the tattoo parlor will never stop being funny.
#5: Jimmy Pegorino from GTA IV
For a mafia family that is collapsing under itself, you’d think you’d feel a bit more sympathy for a cold-hearted killer… but that’s all Pegorino is. A cold-hearted killer. He did everything he could to become the leader of the Pegorino family, which ended up to his son committing suicide, and his wife, Angie, hating him and all of his men. He had to workers, Phil, who is surprisingly a nice guy despite the shit he deals with, and Ray… who I also forgot about. He didn’t leave much of an impact on me. But that’s besides the point. Jimmy is also a lot like Mikhail. He is prone to anger and will gladly, without hesitation, kill anyone he wants for any reason, including Niko. And he only gets worse. He has no value over human life, and values money, as during the trade between the Pavanos, both of his men were killed, which Jimmy doesn’t care about, since they didn’t “impress him” enough, so he believes that he could always get more guys. And it gets worse from here, as he makes a deal with…… a certain someone, and asks Niko to make the deal. If Niko does make the deal, Jimmy will get back stabbed by this certain someone, but if Niko doesn’t make the deal, and kills said certain someone, Jimmy will try to kill Niko during Roman’s wedding, only to result in Kate’s death. And trust me, if you thought these past characters were shit, you’d be right, but it gets worse from here on out.
#4: Steve Haines from GTA V
You’d think someone who is a highly respected member of the FBI (Or FIB in GTA) who has his own agency would be a well loved man, right. No! Steve Haines is far from being loved. In fact, I fucking despise this fucker. Since the FIB’s funding was cut to support the IAA, Steve decided to force Michael De Santa, Trevor Phillips, and Franklin Clinton into doing illegal crimes for him in order to sabotage the IAA and raise Steve in the ranks of his career. This includes having Trevor torture a possibly innocent man for clues on a POSSIBLE assassin and then telling Trevor to kill him, which Trevor ignores and has the prisoner leave the country (I doubt it was out of the goodness of his non-existent heart and more of a way for Trevor to fuck with Steve. Either way is fine by me). And if that wasn’t bad enough, Steve wants the trio to steal neurotoxins from the IAA in order to use it for a staged terrorist act, just to the FIB could gain more funds, ignoring the possibly high amount of casualties, but it’s all good as long as this fucker moves up in his career. And then this fucker has the nerve to, after having Michael delete evidence of his acts from the FIB file, tries to have him arrested and then gets shot in the leg, making him a fucking national hero. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? This is why Ending C is the best ending
#3: Devin Weston from GTA V
THE FUCK DID I SAY BEFORE! THIS IS WHY ENDING C IS BETTER! It’s no surprise that this fucker got along so well with previous asshole, Steve Haines. He asks Trevor and Franklin to steal five luxury cars for him (Which I don’t get why he doesn’t just buy them. He’s a billionaire, isn’t he?) But when they succeed in it, he just fucks off and doesn’t pay them. And he also promises to have Michael work with his idol, Solomon Richards, but instead, he tries to shut the movie down so he can sell the studio. This fucker is always going back on his word, doing what he can to get out of paying those who work for him. He makes Mr. Krabs and Tingle look like they donate to charity daily. After this, he has his lawyer, Molly Schultz, steal the film footage of Meltdown, Michael and Solomons film, but after she is killed by a jet engine, Devin sends Merryweather soldiers over to Michael’s house while he and Jimmy are at the opening for the movie, to have his wife and daughter, Amanda and Tracey, murdered, and while he does this, this fucker has the nerve to gloat about it. And when that doesn’t work, he then tries to have Franklin murder Michael, who Michael always saw as a son in a way. It just goes to show, if you're rich, YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!
#2: Frank Tenpenny from San Andreas
For a character voiced by the legendary Samuel L. Jackson, I thought I was going to love this guy… But not even a voice as awesome as Samuel L. Jackson’s could save this fucker from my shit list. First off, Frank ends up killing one of his police co-workers, Ralph Pendlebury, for being involved in criminal affairs, instead of just arresting him. But trust me, it gets worse. Have you ever seen those police officers who use their occupation as a way to have power over civilians. That’s Frank. I respect the police, but in all seriousness, fuck officers like Frank. Frank does whatever he can to keep CJ under control, making him do jobs for him, which he threatens CJ to do or he would have CJ framed for Ralph’s death, since CJ would be easily convicted, as he arrived in San Andreas ten minutes before Ralph’s death. But it’s even worse. Though Frank acts like he is doing things for the good of the people, by forcing gangs to fight and kill each other, he is actually with the Ballas gang, selling drugs, and was the reason CJ’s mother was killed, knowing that CJ would come back to San Andreas for her funeral, so he could use him. And he also threatens CJ not to kill Big Smoke, who is a part of the Ballas, or he would arrest Sweet and put him in a cell block with the Ballas, no doubt leading to him being beaten. And when Frank sees no more use for CJ, he sends him to the desert, where he has two men force him to dig a grave, while Frank heads to his court case, where he is on trial for all of his crimes, but since he forced CJ to kill all of the prosecutors, he is acquitted of his crimes, leading to riots all across San Andreas. And after his death, which leads to the homeless mutilating and stealing his clothes is oddly satisfying to me. Trust me, this asshole deserved it.
I want to talk about number one so badly, but I want to mention a few honorable mentions first, just before I do. So, here they are.
Sonny Forelli from Vice City
This bastard will do anything to try and get rid of Tommy, by either sending him to prison, preventing him from returning to Liberty City, or down right killing him, just because Tommy’s crime family was bigger than his. He would be higher, if he was in the game a lot more. But phone calls can only do so much for a character to hate.
Fabien LaRouche from GTA V
A guy who acts all calm and tries to teach others yoga (Which is really fucking boring), all this guy really does is try to sleep with Amanda. Hell, he even practically sexually assaults her in front of Michael. Though, seeing Jimmy kick the bastard is always funny to me.
Rocco Pelosi from Ballad of Gay Tony/GTA V
It’s one thing to be an asshole. It’s a totally different thing to be a racist. All Rocco does is insult Luis with racial slurs while repeatedly mocking Tony for being a homosexual. And it’s even worse when he tries to convince Luis to kill his friend, Tony. Thankfully Michael killed this fucker in GTA V after he beat up Soloman. I mean, who beats up an old defenseless man… And Michael doing that on the streets doesn’t count. Also, is it me, or does he look like even more of a douchebag in GTA V than he did in TBoGT
Manny Escuela from GTA IV
Seriously, who are you again?
Vincenzo Cilli from Liberty City Stories
Just because you don’t like a guy for his ethnic group doesn’t mean you have to insult his mother daily, and send the police after him whenever he raises higher than you in the Leone family, and then try to have him murdered in an ambush with chainsaw wielding Leone henchmen.
#1: DIMITRI RASCALOV FROM GTA IV
You knew this fucker would be here. Don’t lie. This piece of shit was my most hated GTA character since the first time I played GTA IV, and even after GTA V, which has a fuck ton of awful character, they still don’t compare to this asshole. First off, Dimitri was once a friend of Mikhail, who kept Dimitri from prison rape and they soon became real good friends. But, Dimitri is easily the worst backstabber in the entire GTA series. First, he easily betrays his “best friend” after he orders the death of a mob boss’s son. Granted, I could understand that moment. It was a hard choice to make. But then there was the backstabbing with Niko. After you kill Mikhail, Dimitri decides to bring Ray Bulgarin, a Russian criminal boss that Niko once worked with, to Liberty City and tries to have Niko killed. But that’s only the icing on the cake. After Niko survives, and Romans home and business is burnt down, Dimitri does everything he can to get to Niko. And I mean ANYTHING. He will kidnap Roman and have him beaten and tortured to where he will be killed in a shootout, try to attack Bernie Crane for his romance with Bryce Dawkins, and tries to have Niko and Packie killed during their trade for the diamonds. And in the end, you are still offered a deal from this asshole for a lot of money. However, if you make this deal, Dimitri will try his best to still kill Niko, because he will have killed the dealers, who are now after Niko and Phil. And after nearly dying in a shootout, and earning all the money so Niko’s cousin, Roman, would be happy, finally avoiding all of the death and crime that he was involved in from the start, what happens? Dimitri sends an assassin to Roman’s wedding to kill Niko, leading to the death of Roman, and Niko losing any and all innocence he could have possibly had left. I can’t believe a piece of shit does something like this. I mean, as much as I hate Devin Weston and Steve Haines, at least they finally leave you alone if you agree to help them in their terrible plan. But this fucker will try to end you off no matter what, and for what? Just so he can kill a man he sees as incompetent. It’s no wonder this sack of shit made it onto my most hated video game character ever list, let alone the most hated GTA characters. And nothing will ever make me hate a GTA character more than Dimitri Rascalov…. Unless GTA VI has someone worse. Guess we’ll have to wait and see.
So, there you have it. Did you enjoy the list. Tell me what you thought of it. With that said, I will see you all next time.