Hines: Now listen, I'm just bored as you are.. But we're gonna all listen as this dork finishes his little useless yackedy yack yack.
Hines: WHAT!? IN THE NAME OF GOD!? JUST HAPPENED!?
Yomanshi: I don't think they were fooled coach.
Hines: Is that what you THINK Yomanshi!? Maybe that's because you decided to start standing in open territory!
Hines: STOP IT! OR I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE!!
Hines: I swear to god in heaven I will turn your eyes into scrambled eggs.. DON'T ASK ME HOW!!
Hines: Out there.. Is our enemy.. The norwood, academy for deranged boys... And they.. Would like nothing more.. Than to slice off your wenies!.. And wear it BRACELET!!
Hines: Let me tell you what happens.. When you have unprotected, sexual interplay... First.. The wife has an baby.. Here he is.. He has hair on the sides, and strangely enough a moustache (reveals the baby is him)... Then the coach's mother over here, she's desperate and lonely.. She marries the man over here, "mullet".. Who.. Is selling, nicknacks made out of corn cobs.. When he's not guslaing beer.. Or.. Betting, the local round table.. Leaving junior.. (starts crying).. Alone at home.. To befriend a pig name.. Who became dinner, when the money.. (crying) give me a second.. (to himself) Don't you cry.. Hines, I swear if you cry, I will dress you up like a seal and jump in an orca tank... (to the others) So I want all of you.. To think about THAAAT!!... The next time, you decide to take your "sports car" into a girls "garage" without an (kicks leg) AIRBAG!!
Hines: I will punch your heart though the back of your body!!
Hines: (points at gay kid) See this man here.. He's what we use to call in my day a "good catch".. You never see this guy chasing skirts around.. In fact I never seen him with a girl!.. Not once. Ever!.. In the entire history he's been at this school! Not ONE TIME!!.. This guy.. Unbelievable high gene, impeccable.. This man is the first one in the showers!.. And is absolutely ALWAYS the last one to leave!
Hines: Unbelievable.. Back in my day!.. It took 3 dates just to get your arm "around" the girl!.. And if your forearm touched her neck, she was PREGNANT!!
Yomashi: Times changed bro.
Hines: ... Did you just call me bro!?
Old lady: (insults Hines).
Hines: This is my crystal ball wait here.. Know what I see.. Old lady.. After the game.. SHOT TO THE HEAD!!
Student: Well... We mailed a giant pig to his house the other day.
Hines: THERE IS A GIANT PIG WITH HORNS!!.. LIVING IN THE GUEST ROOM!!
Hines: I swear this chalk is going up your nose and out your finger, and that's IMPOSSIBLE!!
Hines: When you get out there today.. Remember one thing alright.. One thing.. Reggie did NOT get me with the poop thing!
Reggie: I remember, we use to put fibreglass shards in his gym shorts. Every time he had to take a pee. He'd come back crying.
Hines: Yes.. Wasn't so much the fiber. As it was the glass!.. I had to get a urethra transplant.. And those are COSTLY!
Reggie: Oh remember, when we put your battery acid in your shampoo.. Your hair fell out.
Heines: Yes.. As you see.. It never grew back.. (sniffs) It never grew back.. It was painful, it hurt a little.. I didn't know that was you Reg, hawawhaw. Did.. NOT know that was you.
Hines: SIT DOWN OR I'LL SET YOU ON FIRE!!
Hines: Your on my list twice buddy.. Know what that means.. I kill ya, I revive ya, and I kill ya again.
Hines: HERE'S THE LINE!!.. AND YOU JUST, CROSSED IT!!
Hines: Bless me father, for I am ABOUT to sin!
Hines: Lose this game! And I will murder you!... Every single one of ya.. Multiple stab wounds, snd BREAK!!