Oh god.. Oh god...
I grew up with this movie.. As a kid I thought, this wasn't "that" bad... BOOOY was I wrong..
Early on we get Seans death Shark attack.. Well, a shaky camera IMPLYING a shark attack.. Allwhile his screams are drowned by the christmas singers.. I know this cause they switch back to the singers it at least 12 fucking times in the whole sequence..
I swear to god, this movie is just depressing as hell.. Not scary.. And Ellen, Martins wife believe the Shark was WAITING for Sean.. It came for him because of what Martin did to his buddies..
(Dr. Elkins: Sharks don't take things personally, Mr. Brody.)
I could go on and on about that.. But that's only ONE of the many problems.. Like Michael running mid conversation down a beach..
So Ellen doesn't want anyone anywhere near the beach ever again... Why would they EVER go the beach after the other films!?.
She says it killed Sean.. And Martin died from fear..
Martin. Died.. From fear... MARTIN!!
You know, the guy who blows up the first after shoving a gas tank into it’s mouth. “Smile you son of a BITCH!".. And friggin electrocutes the second.. After luring it and saying "All right, you big bastard! Come On! I've got something for ya' now! That's it! Attaboy, come one! Right over here! Open wide OPEN WIDE! SAY AAH!”… Only scene from JAW 2, that makes it worth watching..
Than again.. This actually makes sense when you think about.. Espically after Quint’s death.. But still lame..
And why the fuck do they never fucking MOVE!? This place is a clear danger zone.. Why do the body’s still go to the beach.. You think they’d learn by now..
So the family FINALLY head to the Bohamas.. But the shark followed them..
CHRIS STUCKMANN: The Shark.. Followed them... From New York.. To the Bohamas.
So, appearently Ellen has some kind of psychoic connection with this thing. When it's nearby she literary bursts up like a deer being spotted.. It's hilarious.
She also starts a romance with Michael Cane.. Cause nobody ever remembers the characters name.
So after the Shark attacks the whole family. Including the little girl.
So Ellen steals Michael's boat and hunts down the shark... UNARMED!!
So Michael and his friend go after Ellen. On Cane's plane, and the shark attacks Cane.. Which only seems to mildly annoy him.
He later appears unharmed. Not even a lousy scatch.. Or a fucking wet t-shirt!
So michael's friend has some knd of science thing that drives the shark crazy. But Jake (yes that's his name) jumps in -I mean, falls into the Sharks mouth. And assumably dies. So Michael uses that science thing to make the shark angry.. It shows this by.. ROARING!!
Sharks don't have fucking vocal cords!
In the end. Ellen slams the boats front into the shark. Which causes it to literary EXPLODE!! And than using the same image from Jaws 1. And she having all these events she was "never present for", including Martins "Smile you son of a BITCH!".
Reminding me, I could be watching the good one..
Not this.. shit!.. THIS FUCKING SHIT!!
Oh, and Jake lives.. And he's even cracking jokes.. You know, as we ALL would after being nearly eaten by a giant great white..
And that's how it ends..
So yeah.. You can watch fo a few unintended laughs.. But otherwise. Lets pretend this never existed.. Like the producers are doing about the third...