Of all the things in the cultural world that amuse me, it is SE fans’ reasons as to why DE don’t belong together and SE do that manages to amuse me the most. I’ve often read bitter comments from Stelena fans attempting to justify an SE endgame and denounce Delena and – although I have always approached such reasoning objectively – I am yet to find a reason from SE fans that can be considered to actually be relevant and sensible. Most recent reasons I have read have always pertained to situations in the past which are no longer relevant, or perspectives which make no sense whatsoever. This leads me to assume that Stelena fans are formulating these nonsensical arguments for their own sake, in order to make themselves believe in the longevity of Stelena and the damnation of Delena. Furthermore, their blind acceptance of and belief in their reasons simply implies that they are delusional; constructing a world in which all their idiotic reasons make perfect sense, and certain undeniable truths about DE are non-existent or false (I’m not referring to all SE fans here. Many SE fans are respectful of both ships, yet are able to admit truths that are present regarding Delena, rather than fabricating facts or talking nonsense about them). In this article, I will address the reasons provided by SE fans by producing truths that contradict rather than confirm their arguments. I have composed a list of the most common reasons uttered by Stelena fans, and will only attend to these ones as there are way too many arguments by SErs to even dignify by adding them to this article.
1. Damon killed Elena’s brother
. Honestly, it’s been almost three seasons since that incident occurred, yet Stelena fans continue to yank that incredibly irksome chain. I know that this specific act that Damon committed was vile, but it was perpetrated out of personal pain and insecurity and not evil motives. Does that justify Damon’s actions? Of course not, but it does place his true character into perspective – that Damon is a wounded and tormented individual who has been rejected his whole life leading him to retaliate in questionable ways; but out of insecurity, not malevolence. It is due to the knowledge of his true character, that Elena managed to forgive Damon for the act and even further than this, fell in love with him regardless of what he had done previously (due to knowing his heart, and not judging him based on his previous actions). The main point, anyway, is that Elena FORGAVE Damon – Damon’s impulsive murder of Jeremy doesn’t bother her any longer (and with good reason, considering the fact that Damon has redeemed himself countless times since then). Stelena fans really need to abandon this reason because it is no longer relevant, nor applicable, as Damon has changed significantly since then and not Elena, nor Jeremy nor even the opinionated Caroline seem to denounce him for it. Jeremy and Caroline are both not fond of Damon, yet they never refer to his murder of Jeremy as to why they do not like him. The only ones still making use of this antiquated reason are Stelena fans – it’s really about time they update their thinking and stick to the present.
2. Damon never allows Elena to make her own choices
. Yet another ancient reason that’s no longer relevant. When Elena decided to trust Elijah in the finale of Season 3 – against Damon’s protests – did Damon attempt to sabotage Elijah and Elena’s deal in any way? Far from it – he rather stuck to the agreement and did what was expected of him even though it was against his better judgement. And let’s be honest – has Elena always made wise choices? Definitely not. Elena often makes the most foolhardy decisions that place her in great danger, so how can we expect Damon to simply sit back and allow the woman he loves to place herself in a position that could possibly result in her death? I definitely do not blame Damon making decisions for Elena that proves to benefit her in the long run – even if they hurt her temporarily. Damon’s refusal to allow Elena to make idiotic decisions that put her in danger is definitely motivated by his intense love for her, and not by a sadistic intention to control her. After all, Damon did say to Elena that he will “always choose her”. But SE fans can continue to use this reason – it only further proves Damon’s love for Elena rather than why he isn’t right for her.
3. Their relationship is purely sexual/Elena is horny
. Now this is one of the funniest reasons I have ever come across. I often wonder what show SE fans were watching when they make use of this reason because four seasons of TVD have proven that DE’s relationship is much more than merely sexual. Did it ever occur to Stelena fans that Elena is deeply attracted to Damon because of her intense feelings for him rather than simply being “horny”? If Elena is “horny”, why did she not jump Stefan every opportunity she got? Or Damon, for that matter? SE fans need not do much but focus on the development of the DE relationship to realise that Delena’s sexual activity is a consequence of their intense and deep love for each other – a love that gradually developed over four seasons of TVD through countless obstacles, setbacks and pain. Besides the sirebond (which proved that DE can maintain a relationship without having sex), Damon and Elena consummated their relationship after they fell in love with each other – not before. Had their relationship been merely sexual, they would have jumped into bed the first opportunity they got.
4. Stefan is Elena’s first and “epic” love
. Wow, okay. So – by use of that reasoning – must I assume that everyone on earth belongs with the person they fell in love with first? If that is the case, the majority of the world’s couples would separate considering the fact that it is seldom for first loves to last forever – they’re called “first” loves for a reason, as there are usually other loves who follow. A first love is a significant love, because it is the first individual one fell in love with, but that hardly means that one is destined to be with his/her first love forever. If SE fans want to use that reasoning, then Stefan should be with Katherine – who was his first love – not Elena. This SE reason is an idiotic one because a first love does not mean one’s “true” love – it only means the first person one fell in love with. I’m not saying that first loves cannot last forever – they can – but those are rare occasions when the couple were lucky enough to find each other the first time around and found fulfilment and completeness with each other (such as Noah and Allie from The Notebook who are quite similar to Delena and NOTHING like Stelena). And yes, many have referred to Stefan as Elena’s “epic” love. Most first loves are epic anyway, but that doesn't mean that they're meant to last forever. Damon is Elena’s “true” love – one can have many epic loves, but there is only ever one true love. Enough said.
5. Elena said, “It’s always going to be Stefan”
. Yet again, a reason that is no longer relevant. Elena uttered those words to Damon in the first episode of Season 2, but a lot has happened since then, like Elena falling in love with Damon while still committed to Stefan. SE fans seem to overlook Elena’s other dialogue spoken much later in the series that refute this statement SErs LOVE to use, such as, ”I can’t think about always, all I can think about is right now” (when Damon told her “it’s always going to be Stefan” after she informed him of her decision to stay with Stefan rather than be with him) – Elena was no longer sure that she would always be in love with Stefan, rather choosing to say “I can only think of right now” instead of “always” in reference to being with Stefan – this indicative of a significant change in Elena’s feelings for both brothers since she uttered the original statement in Season 2. Another example completely refuting this SE reason is when Elena says to Damon: “Take the cure with me/We can be together, grow old together” – if it would “always be Stefan”, why did Elena wish to spend and conclude her life with Damon, wishing to grow old with him and NOT Stefan? SE fans should do themselves a favour and stop using this hackneyed reason when Elena, herself, through her dialogue, decisions, and conduct, has refuted her initial belief that it would “always be Stefan”.
6. Damon loves Elena because she’s Katherine’s doppelganger, not for who Elena actually is
. If that is so, why did Damon rebuff so many of Katherine’s advances when she repeatedly rocked up in Mystic Falls? There’s no logic whatsoever in this SE reason considering what TVD has shown us concerning the Datherine relationship (or lack thereof) and the Delena relationship. Ever since Season 2, Damon has always chosen Elena above Katherine, even willing to kill Katherine for Elena’s sake. If he truly loved Katherine, why on earth would he choose Elena over her? Damon prioritised Elena, not Katherine (even though he wasn’t even dating Elena). I struggle to understand how you will kill the person you truly love for the sake of the person you only think you love, but I guess in the minds of the SE fans it makes sense. SE fans persist to believe that Damon truly loves Katherine and only thinks he loves Elena, yet he decided to put himself in mortal peril to rescue Elena from Klaus, informing Katherine that he would “never have done it for [her]” – saying this to the person he supposedly loves (according to SE fans). It is clear SE fans have deluded themselves into believing that Damon is only in love with Elena because he is actually in love with Katherine, yet the show has clearly shown that THIS IS NOT THE CASE. It seems that now that they can no longer challenge Elena’s love for Damon (after her passionate confession of love), SE fans have turned the tables on Damon and attempt to make it appear as if his love for Elena is not genuine and rather due to his love for another woman (honestly???). SE fans ought to remember that Damon never intended on falling for Elena – he even compelled her to forget their first meeting (after articulating her innermost desires). Therefore, Damon’s love for Elena (and her love for him) occurred naturally, and gradually developed into intense and deep feelings that have NOTHING to do with Katherine, but rather EVERYTHING to do with Elena.
7. Damon is selfish
. Maybe Damon is selfish, but definitely not when it comes to Elena. He saved Caroline from being sacrificed for Klaus’ ritual (willing to sacrifice himself instead) and almost died saving Caroline and Matt from Tyler (werewolf bite – need I say more?). Rather than letting Rose suffer even further from the symptoms induced by the werewolf bite, Damon did the considerate thing and killed her to end her misery, creating a dream for her which allowed her to pass on in peace. After Elena chose Stefan in the Season 3 finale, Damon accepted Elena’s decision and no longer pressured her into being with him, but rather supported her in her adaptation to vampirism, choosing not to leave town as he originally planned. Once aware of the sirebond, Damon did not take advantage of Elena, and rather set her free, unable to permit her to be with him if there was a possibility her free-will would be compromised in the process. Damon accepted Elena as a human or a vampire, and his motivation to find the cure for vampirism was to cure Elena because she
desired the cure – not because he wanted her to be human. Damon feared that Elena would not love him once she became human and consequently broke the sirebond, yet he did not stop looking for the cure, and eventually gave the cure to Elena once it was in his possession. Regardless of how tortured Damon felt that Elena would not love him once she was human again (something many others kept on telling him would happen), and regardless of the emotional risk of losing the love of the woman he loved more than anything, he gave Elena the cure because he truly loved her and wanted to give her what she truly wanted. After these aforementioned instances (among many others in TVD), how can SE fans continue to believe and declare that Damon is truly
8. All her friends hate Damon
. So what? Why is that a problem? Elena’s friends do not understand Damon – only Elena does – so no one can expect them to know his heart like she does. Damon has proven to have a good heart and he truly loves Elena (and has saved her friends a number of times), and many of the reasons why Elena’s friends do not like Damon is due to his conduct in the early seasons of TVD rather than in the later seasons. Suffice to say, their views of Damon are prejudiced, and not based on his heart but on his mistakes of the past.
9. Elena only fell in love with Damon because of the sirebond
. This is by far one of the most nonsensical reasons I have ever heard. How did the sirebond form between Damon and Elena in the first place? Because Elena was IN LOVE with Damon before she became a vampire – not because she was simply turned by his blood. Furthermore, the sirebond was described by a supernatural professional (witch) as being formed due to feelings, while those who had sirebond experience (Tyler) explicitly said that the sirebond affects one’s actions, NOT feelings. Obviously, then, Elena was in love with Damon while she was still human and the sirebond merely gave her the courage to act
on her love for him. Everything that was said and proven about the sirebond – be it through others or by Elena – completely refute this senseless reason from SE fans attempting to justify why Elena is in love with Damon. I rest my case in this regard. SE fans need to watch Season 4 again to realise just how stupid their reason is.
10. When choosing Damon, Elena said it will be her “worst choice”
. By her friends’ standards – and by all those who have degraded Damon to Elena – choosing him would most definitely be the “worst” choice. When Elena made this statement, she was still ignorant of what a relationship with Damon would exactly entail as she still had not experienced a relationship with him. Before embarking on a journey that will significantly change your life, you always have your initial views of what you will attain through the journey – it is only after you’ve experienced the journey that you can truly see what you have gained from it, and often you realise it is completely different to what you initially believed. This is the case with Elena – she’s in love with Damon and is embarking on this new relationship with him, but she still has her reservations about him (due to his impulsive and sometimes irrational behaviour), and of course will believe that he is the worst choice for her (due to her friends holding such beliefs and constantly informing her of them). Yet, Elena’s decision to be with Damon was based on her heart – and such decisions are most often the best decisions rather than the worst. Elena, herself, said that she doesn’t regret being in love with Damon. And I doubt she ever will regret being in love with the man who will ultimately turn out to be her best choice rather than her worst.
11. Damon is an A-hole who doesn’t deserve Elena
. I beg to differ. I’d rather say that SHE doesn’t deserve HIM. It is probably an unpopular opinion, but Damon has constantly worked to earn Elena’s love while she has often hurt him and rejected him. It is only recently that Elena has proven her love for Damon, but many times before (due to her fear of her feelings for him) she has pushed him away and spoke words that hurt him. After keeping him on a string for the whole of Season 3, she broke his heart in the finale of the season, only to request his help immediately in the next season, and pursue him soon after. There was a lot of back-and-forth between the pair in Season 3 mainly because of Elena’s conflicting feelings, which most of the time left Damon uncertain on where he stood with her. However, to be fair, Damon and Elena do deserve each other because they have proven to love each other intensely and unconditionally, and share a true love that is destined to last forever. To say that Damon doesn’t deserve Elena is nonsensical, because his personal development – as well as hers – demonstrates that Damon does deserve Elena and she does deserve him, as they have both become better individuals because of each other.
12. The fact that Stefan and Elena are both doppelgangers is proof that they are destined to be together
. If Stelena is endgame because of this reason, the writers will have contradicted everything they have written and developed over the course of TVD. This reason is as cheesy as they come, and will expunge all the development of Delena (as individuals and as a couple), as well as everything that points to a DE endgame – which will make absolutely no sense. If SE are destined to be together, it should be based on their love for each other and not on some supernatural link or correspondence. This reason actually does the opposite of what SErs intended as it seems to imply that Delena are going to fight for their love and prove that they should be together, that they do belong together, and that something as tacky as a supernatural connection will not stop them from being together – THAT is true love.
13. Stelena share a “cosmic” connection
. Considering that this opinion originates from Nina Dobrev, it shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Nina undoubtedly has insight into her character, but she does not determine Elena’s path or development – the writers do – she merely conveys it on screen. Besides, since when does a ‘cosmic connection’ point to true love? It’s simple: it doesn’t. Stelena may share a cosmic connection (according to Dobrev) but Delena share true love – they are twin flames who complete each other, bring out the best in each other, and invigorate each other. SE can always be friends who share a cosmic connection (like best friends have proven to share), but DE is the couple that epitomize true love in its entirety. Enough said.
14. Damon is just an obstacle
. An obstacle to what? Damon did not hinder Stelena from having a relationship. Elena was fully committed to Stefan for a long time and for a long while Damon could not sway her fidelity to or feelings for Stefan. But eventually, through much development, obstacles, and hurt, Elena fell in love with Damon (while still committed to Stefan), and after a lengthy time of denying her feelings – she chose to be with Damon, ultimately confessing her love for him. Had Damon merely been an obstacle, Elena would never have fallen in love with Damon while still committed to Stefan, and she certainly would have not left Stefan for Damon and confess that she was in love with Damon and that she had fallen out of love with Stefan. Also, Damon met Elena first – but compelled her to forget their first meeting – and with this knowledge one could argue that Stefan has been the obstacle to the DE relationship all this time (as Elena was deeply attracted to Damon the first time they met, especially after he described the exact love she desired, and also with Elena’s statement to Damon in the Season 3 finale: “maybe if we had met first”).
15. Stefan is the “best choice [she] ever made”
. Of course Stefan was the “best choice [she] ever made” because Elena believed that she had made the right choice by choosing Stefan in the Season 3 finale – yet look how long that choice lasted; less than 6 episodes. If it had been the best choice Elena had ever made, why did she almost immediately desire Damon in Season 4 – the brother she had rejected in the Season 3 finale – rather than Stefan – the brother she had chosen? I struggle to understand how if someone is the best choice you will give up on them extremely quickly and desire someone else – it’s obvious then, that your “best choice” was in fact not your best choice and only what you believed at the time to be your best choice. I would love to know if Elena would still have considered Stefan to be her "best choice" if Damon had left town immediately after she'd made her decision, and as a result, had not been around the entire season to support Elena and be by her side; Season 4 proved exactly just how much Elena needed Damon (and it had NOTHING to do with the sirebond). It’s actually ironic that in the premiere of Season 4, Elena declares Stefan to be her best choice, yet she breaks up with him soon after, and in the finale of Season 4, she declares Damon to be her “worst choice”, yet chooses to be with him and confesses her love for him. This sort of creates the idea that what Elena believed to be her “best” choice was in fact far from her best choice, and who she considered to be her “worst” choice will actually prove to be her best choice. SE fans will continue to use this reason, but it is a weak one, considering that Elena dumped her “best choice” and confessed her love for and desire to be with her “worst choice” – a decision she confessed not to regret. Note too, how that statement – yet again – pertains to the past. It’s become obvious that most SErs reasons refer to events and statements in the past, which clearly illustrates where Stelena’s relationship belongs – in the past
. And what's all this talk anyway about the "best" or "worst" choice? In the end, it's not about who is better or worse for Elena; it's about who she wants, and who she wants is Damon. She's always wanted a love that Damon gives her (3x22 is evidence of this), and THAT is going to matter – it is always
going to matter – not who is the best or worst choice for her. Enough said.
I’d like to think I was objective in this discussion, but I do doubt it. I love Delena, and for reasons much more credible (and relevant) than the abovementioned ones thought out by resentful SE fans. At this point, I feel that Delena are going to be endgame, because a Stelena endgame will simply not make sense after everything TVD has shown us about both couples. I find many reasons for an SE endgame superficial and fleeting – reasons that will ultimately fade or eventually not matter. I have faith in Delena because I have faith in their love – they share a true love that is enduring, uplifting and unconditional. Had Stelena been the couple to experience this love rather than Delena, then I would’ve shipped SE instead of DE, but this happens not to be the case. To me, DE’s love has overcome countless obstacles only to become stronger, that I would deem it incomprehensible for anything to come between them that would destroy their love. DE belong together, not because of what Nina Dobrev/Ian Somerhalder/Paul Wesley did or didn’t say, not because of some supernatural link dictating that they were made for each other or belong together, not because of what should or shouldn’t be, but because of how they feel, because of what they feel, and because of who they are together – they are twin flames, they are the embodiment of true love, and (therefore) they are destined to be together. And no supernatural connection will stop them from following their hearts and being together for all eternity – because that is what true love is; it remains true, steadfast and strong under every and all circumstances, obstacles and forces. This is the love that is meant to be. DE share an unconditional love – a true love – that these reasons alone should indisputably render a DE endgame. Enough said.
Ps. there are clear indications in TVD that provide us with enough reasons for DE to be endgame, and why, ultimately, Elena loves Damon. I’ve discussed these indications in a previous article and, therefore, did not include them in this one. If you wish to know these reasons, feel free to read the article (link
), but be warned that it is rather lengthy.
*Much Delena love*