When it comes to falling for somebody you know you can never be with because
a) it's forbidden
b) potentially destructive or even fatal
c) completely hopeless,
there are only three things you can do. Deny, deny and then deny some more. You avoid contact with him as much as possible, which isn't easy in a small town. You refrain from uttering his name out-loud to anyone, not even in passing. Not even to yourself. You keep any feelings you have for him locked up tight, and you throw away the key. In the daytime, you can hide. Don't think, don't think, don't think about him. You can lie, deny, ignore,...
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