I'm so tired f being depressed. I didn't know why it started at first. In Ninth grade I started having this constant feeling inside and I didn't know what it was but, now I do. I have since 10th grade started. Life is so hard when you've been diagnosed with seve deepression and you already knew you have it. It's hard when people accuse you of doing or being something your not. It's hard when people judge you silently from afar or straight to your face. I don't cut bullshit like this though. When petty jerks give yoou ahard time just ignore them, I've learned that. I was bullied for 7 and a half years straight and it was BAD. And, now I'm insecure and give myself a hard time. I'm constantly beating myself up about my art, my body, my face, my hair, my grades, my idiocy, and just everything. I'm trying to get better I really am and if anything music helps me escape from reality. That's why I constantly have earbuds in my ears or wearing headphones. I can connect to the music that I lisen to like 'When she cries' or 'Welcome to my life'. The list is endless but, the thing is that so is my pain. No matter how hard I try it always come back. I can go a week and a half without being depressed and then it comes crashing back in like an unwanted guest. Forgive me for ranting but, I need to get this off my ches. I'm so glad that I can finally cry and release all the pain. I've been bottling it up for too long. The friends surrounding me either do or don't know about this. Some know I'm depressed some don't. But, either way only one comforts me and I don't see her often. My great-grandmother thinks I do it for attention and my mom has too many problems of her own so, I don't bother her about it.The thing is, is that I just need to get this out. My chest can't take it anymore and neither can I myself in whole. It feels nice to get it all out. Like, the fact that i used to be anorexic as well... twice that is I was in 7th grade for a short while and then I also was in second semester of 10th grade. My best friend tried to make me at and my other friends were concerned as well. At least the ones that knew. My other best friend still doesn't know I was. Anyways, there are somethings that I am ashamed of. I'm just so gld to get this off my chest and for anyone else suffering with depression or any other disorders or problems, stay strong. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE. Don't let anyone get to you including yourself. Be brave. Be strong. And remember to keep on living. You are woth it and NOBODY deserves to go through the shit I have. Bullying, abuse, threats, none of that. Also, if you have severe anxiety disorder like me or are just stressed in general. Keep staying strong and don't give into the stress. If your insecure like me look in the mirror and look at yourself flaws and all and say "This is me and I love myself." even if you don't think so because, trust me when I say "You are perfect just the way you are." If you are gay, bi, trans or anything else like that and you still haven't come out. Stay strong and know you are PERFECT just the way you are. You are a human being just like everyone else and, no matter how much hate people give you embrace yourself and be proud of who you are. I am bi and I am proud. Also, for the bi people who are being told "Your either gay or straight. You can't like both." Don't listen to that bullshit. They don't know how you feel. Don't let them get to you. To the gay people who are being told,"You chose this and your going to burn in hell." Don't listen to them. For ANYONE going through this or any other bullshit. Remember you are better than the ones judging you and that you are BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT just the way you are. I hope that I helped someone by saying that and I've realized that I WILL BE OKAY after this dark tunnel in life that I'm going through. I just want it to all be over soon. The pain that is. I'm tired of hating myself and feeling so alone. But, I'll make it and so will you.
Stay true to who you are. Peace out <3<3<3
Stay true to who you are. Peace out <3<3<3
I feel like being both, but I feel like it's wrong to be both. everything with me is either one or the other.
On one hand,I feel like pushing people aside.Mostly because they annoy me,but also because I feel better when I'm alone. One the other hand,I feel like talking to everyone with joyfulness.
I feel like the whole world is frowning upon me.
But yet I feel like smiling and that I can do anything without being ashamed. Every time I do this though,it turns to be something to be ashamed about and just wanting to keep my happiness inside and to never show it again.
Feeling like crawling inside a hole.
Feeling sorrow,guilt,embarrassment,happiness,unstoppable,trapped,and furious all at the same time. It's driving me crazy!
Feeling like no one can save me from the depths of my disgrace.
All of my colors have turned gray since the first day I felt this way.
I know there's people who love me and couldn't live without me,but that doesn't change the fact that I want to disappear. Because all I ever do is make mistakes.
Making the wrong move at the wrong time is what I do. For there isn't room for people like me.
I don't want to feel any emotion. Not even love for I fear there is still a gaping hole inside of me that I can't seem to fill.
Feeling detached from everything is the only way I can put how I really feel. Everything just seems so far out of reach. I want to be one of those people who feel complete but it seems impossible.
I am so weak because the only thing keeping me alive is my fear of pain.
Not many people can say, when they smile, they mean it. I've finally lost it all, my parents dead, sister commit suicide to get away from me, noone talks to me. I sit alone in a dark house listening to one song every day seven days a week fife our four weeks a month, twelve months a year. Every night i cry my self to sleep. I..have officialy lost all of my sanity. so today, with no sanity, i've decided to commit suicide so goodbye every one, i hope your better off without me.. link
