Here's some pinup Disney ladies... Yes, this is the best I could find. Stfu.
I, for one, am much too lazy to go into detail about every single one of them and you'd all soon get irritated with my bitching about the ones at the bottom. So I thought I'd do you a favour and just give you my top ten.
Yes, I swear. You can moan about it as much as you fucking want to, but I'm not going to stop doing it.
I'm also used to a bit of controversy. So if you don't like this, then sucks to be you. On with the countdown!
Please take note: This dress is SILVER. Kthx.
I don't actually know how she managed to get on here, but whatever. It's not that I dislike her, but I don't particularly like her either.
With Cinders, I'm sort of neutral. Her personality is way too generic but she looks like a fucking supermodel and that gives her plus points. Her hair is awful, but all she needs is a good hairstylist and she'll be on her way. Some of her clothes do not bear talking about (particularly that god awful nightie!) but she's generally quite well-dressed. In fact, she's so neutral it sort of irks me. I like to have a passion about things, whether that passion be negative or positive, and the only passion I have for Cinders is for her amazing face. I seem to have run out of things to say on her as a result. So let's move on.
I WANNA BE LIKE OTHER GIRLS! WALK ON THE SAND LIKE OTHER GIRLS CAN! JUST TO HAVE LEGS LIKE OTHER GIRLS... GET TO HAVE!
I like Ariel. Maybe even love her. She makes me laugh, and that's a quality that I adore. Ok, so she looks about 12 when she's supposed to be 16 and she has the worst fashion sense in the history of the world (thanks a lot, the 80s!) but she's still pretty cool. Though, I am still unsure as to what a guppy is...
This lucky bitch married Naveen twice... TWICE! Well, she is epic, so she deserves a guy that amazing.
Might possibly be my second favourite Disney film. Depends on how I'm placing Hercules. Above or below? Who cares? Either way, one of the things that made that film awesome was Tiana.
HER VOICE IS AMAZING. OMG. Do people actually talk like that? It shocked me so much when I watched it. She opened her mouth and this beautiful sound came out... Ohhhhhh, Tiana. Your voice is heavenly.
Secondly, she cooks. What isn't amazing about someone who cooks? You see, this is what makes Snow White better than Belle. She makes a killer pie.
Then there's her fashion sense. Hmm, so that hat and coat are awful monstrosities, but pretty much everything else she wears is quite nice. Except for that thing at the masquerade ball... and the light green thing she wears on the balcony with Naveen... ok, so some of her outfits are awful. BUT THAT GREEN LILYPAD DRESS. It was there for all of 3 seconds but I fell in love with it. Possibly one of the best dresses ever. Epic win points to Disney.
I love her attitude as well.
"Hah! Tiana may have got Naveen but I got the higher spot on this countdown!"
Having recently watched Aladdin again, I have this to say on Jasmine: SHE'S FUCKING EPIC.
Her attitude is so snappy and tell-it-how-it-is. And she's astoundingly beautiful. She never goes wrong in the fashion department, either. There aren't many bad things to say about the girl and rightly so. She's got a slightly funny edge to her and she doesn't hold back. What's not to like?
Ok, so it's not an amazing picture of her. But she's still beautiful, I tell you!
Yes, Kida. Why so shocked? I love this girl. First off, she's STUNNING. A lot of people don't think so but I certainly do. White hair for one. White hair and that beautifully tanned skin. Oooh, yum. Plus, she doesn't wear much. That counts for something.
She's very smart and fiesty. She likes to fight and she makes me laugh with her inability to hold back at any given moment. Even when she's been captured, she still gives the guy she just floored a boot in the side in anger. That's how amazing she is. And she can speak tons of languages. When she spoke French, I was like "Ohhh, I can understand what she's saying I feel smart!" and that obviously gives her amazingness points. French stuff always gets amazingness points.
She's also sort of awkward and geeky. When she smiles, it's lopsided and funny. That's something else I like about her - she isn't perfect.
Kocoum was never serious. That poor guy was just trying to restrain his boner at the mere sight of this.
I adore Pocahontas. She's one of the most beautiful Disney girls ever. I can only think of two that could ever beat her for that title. Apart from that, she's an amazing singer and I love her personality. She's very well dressed (it's not like you can go wrong when you only have one outfit!) and her hair is made of epic win. It's like this raven waterfall of epic. A very hard to draw raven waterfall of epic. Heck, it's so epic that even SunBurst can't draw it and she's an epic drawer. <3
"Me Jane. You Michelle. Get it right!"
I LOVE JANE SO GODDAMN MUCH. She's funny and witty and clumsy and silly. She's pretty much a clone of me which makes me laugh. She has her crazy moments and she goes all squee when she finds something that she's passionate about. She isn't afraid to lash out and she tends to draw things at the least suitable moments. She is the most actively challenged leading lady out there and that's pretty much how I am too. As if that wasn't enough, she's British... LIKE ME. Seriously Disney, have you been copying me without my knowing?
While we're on the subject, she's another one with an epic voice. It suits her so beautifully and oh, it just sounds so nice.
Her outfits aren't the best, but she's Victorian so we'll let her off. She has just about the cutest face ever though.
Reflect before you snack, guys!
As we descend on the top three, we very much enter where my passion lies. I've always loved Mulan. She was my favourite when I was little and I still adore her now. She's stunningly beautiful (the second most beautiful Disney Princess if you ask me. After Poca, of course) in a natural way. She's well dressed. She's funny. Oh, she makes me laugh so much! Her clumsiness and social awkwardness make me giggle anyway but when she's paired with Mushu... WHAT A LOLTASTIC MOMENT OCCURS.
"My ancestors sent me a lizard?"
"Dragon. I don't do that tongue thing."
"You know how men are. They think 'no' means 'yes' and 'get lost' means 'take me, I'm yours'!"
The queen of the witty lines is here. The second most beautiful Disney woman. She's stunning and funny and her outfit is amazing. Her hair is another one so epic that pretty much nobody can draw it right (I've tried and failed) and her eyes. THEY'RE FREAKIN' PURPLE. Purple. Purple like a... purple thing. The only other person with purple eyes is Facilier and he's epic win in a tin. Then, there's her voice (yes, I have a thing about voices). IT IS MADE OF EPIC WIN AND AWESOMENESS. So gritty and sly. And when she sings. Ohhhh. I Won't Say I'm In Love is one of my favourite Disney songs, easily! Meg's so amazing. Plus, she's different. Good different, not bad different. She's pretty much a villain for most of the film, if against her will, and she's suffered heartbreak before. It makes her more real.
But still, she couldn't beat...
This picture pretty much proves my whole point. She's mid-conversation, she looks like she's yawning... This should not be attractive. But it IS!
THE BEST WOMAN DISNEY HAS EVER CREATED. She's astoundingly beautiful, she dances, she sings like an angel, she's witty, she has an amazing man, and she has the best dress ever. It's red and spandex, meow!
The best way to do this is take it one step at a time. Let's start with: she's astoundingly beautiful. Forget the finest girl in France - she's easily the finest girl to ever have lived on our TV screens. She's actually got boobs (thank you Disney, thank you thank you THANK YOU) and the beautifully curvy body to hold them up. Her face is always amazing. I make YouTube videos a lot and I have to go through some scenes frame by frame to get it exactly right. And Esme doesn't look bad for a single goddamn one. When she smiles, the world melts. AND HER HAIR. Oh, don't get me started on her hair. It's this toussled messy piece of raven epicness that's somehow completely and utterly PERFECT. No wonder Frollo was pretty much jizzing every time he saw her. He only wanted to kill her to save on laundry costs.
Everything about Esme is epic. I mean, her foster father is Clopin. CLOPIN, FFS. YOU DO NOT GET MORE EPIC WIN THAN CLOPIN! She's married to Phoebus and he's rather sexy and very funny. She lives in the Court of Miracles. How goddamn cool is that? :'D
And did I mention? She's a gypsy. That makes her even more of an epic win. A beautifully sexy astounding epic win. Don't cha just know it?
That's your lot. Be happy with it.
Here's a pretty picture of Esme Mouse. Who cares if cheese was one of the most expensive commodities in the 15th century? You'd pay it to see her dance.
Isn't she cute? :D