Ah, Disney Princes. Where would we be without them? Well, we'd have a lot of unhappy loveless princesses for one, but we'd also have less male characters to swoon over even though all our friends think we're weird for finding cartoons sexy.
Anyway, everyone else was doing it at some point so I thought I'd finally get off my arse and order these. I base how much I like the guys on how hot they are most of the time because I'm shallow like that, but you know. There might be a few personality-based choices in here somewhere.
Oh yeah, I swear. This is my not giving a shit face.

On with the countdown!










9) The Prince

What's this? Snow White's man came last? Why, that's unusual! Snow White always comes first in lineups for she is so very popular!
Sarcasm aside, let's actually take a look at this guy. First off, he doesn't have a name. That's not very good. If he doesn't have a name, whatever does Snow White scream when... Wait, she's like 13. There's definitely a law against that. Anyway, he wears lipstick, he has a dodgy singing voice and he's short. He must be short to be the same height as Snow. That Huntsman just TOWERED over her, and he wasn't exactly the tallest looking guy I've ever seen! Plus, he's some crazy stalker with necrophilic tendencies. *shudder* I'd rather date a guy in a circumstance where I don't have to be scared of falling into sleeping death apple thing in case he has his way with my corpse.






8) Prince Charming

All I really have to say on this guy is: What a dick. If Cinders wasn't so obviously desperate to get out of that hellhole she calls a home, I would totally slap her for ever dancing with this douche.
For starters, he's not even hot. Girls only wanted him for his money and title because there's no such thing as an ugly rich man. He looks like a melted Ken doll in those dodgy clothes you find at the bottom which are the only ones you have left that don't leave him in a dress. And he is too shallow for words. The film is basically just him moaning for ages about how all these women want to marry him until he's being pestered by the ugly step-sisters and is like "EWW, WHAT? THEY'RE FUGLY!", sees naive little Cinders, wants to get him some blondie and stalks off to her. Full-on pervs over her until she dances with him, tries to get off with her before they even know each other's names and then decides he is "in love". So he tells the Duke to go find her because he can't be bothered. Eh, at least he doesn't wear make-up.






7) Beast

I liked the evil creaturesque Beast we saw at the start of the film. He was a complete dick in a good way. But when he started to fall in love with Belle and get all kind and refined and human... He just became UNBEARABLE. Especially since he's fugly. He looks like Belle's head on a man with a different hair colour. A very girly rather short man. He definitely isn't tall. When he dances with Belle in the end scene, she's not that much shorter than him, and she can't be all that tall. Plus, he has awful taste in formal wear.






6) Phillip

In all honesty, the only reason he's high up is because I can actually bear to watch him. His personality isn't the best and he gets more than a little irritating but at least he's not devestatingly fugly. In fact, he's rather hot. I love his voice and that argument he has with his dad, but that's about it. He's about as boring as his movie otherwise.






5) Li Shang

I like Shang. I really do. I'm rather sad that he's this low actually but you know how it is when everything above him is just... better! I like that seriousness to him and he's rather good looking. Sometimes he irks me, especially when he's mean to Mulan. Well, when he's mean to her and it isn't justified. He is rather nice topless as well. And that DEFINITELY counts for something.






4) Eric

I love Eric. He's hot, fun, a little carefree and he has a good sense of humour. Plus, he really loves Max. When he jumps back on the boat to save him, I full on awww and go "ISN'T HE SWEET, GRANDMA? LOOK!" and she'll be like "Sweet? More like stupid!" but I don't really care what she thinks about the decisions of Disney characters. I mean, she was alive when Cinderella came out. Anyway, yes, he has one of the better wardrobes (which is miraculous, considering some of the 80s disasters that managed to escape from TLM) and I adore that scene when Ariel is eating dinner with them. I love his face when she uses the dinglehopper to comb her hair, and that fake sad face he pulls when she blows the pipe at Grimsby.





3) Aladdin

Aladdin is rather good looking. I don't know what it is about him, but the more I look... The more I think he's hot. Damn his boyish charm! I also love his awkward clumsiness and his jokey attitude like just before One Jump Ahead where he's like "LOL YOU'RE ONLY IN TROUBLE IF YOU GET CAUGHT!". Whilst we're on the subject, I adore that song. And I love his relationship with Abu. He's very caring too, and even gives up his bread to starving children when he too is going hungry. And he spends most of the movie pretty much topless, even if he does lack nipples. That definitely counts for something!






2) John Smith

Ah, Smithy Smithy Smithy. I've always loved this guy. A lot of people hate his cocky attitude but I LOVE it. Not to mention, he's fucking hot. Mel Gibson's voice, no matter how unEnglish is it, makes him even hotter. I always thought he was sexy and he is one of the reasons why I love Pocahontas so much. The first time I ever saw him, I was like "WOW!" and that was when he was wearing flattering armour and skin-tight trousers. When he was tied up (ooh, kinky!) and his shirt was hanging loosely... Oh man. I think a lot of people definitely jizzed. I'd get on any bloody boat he wanted to be with that man. Poca definitely needs to get her head checked. Either way though, he could never beat the one and only...






1) Naveen

I FUCKING LOVE NAVEEN. I was totally almost jizzing when I met him at Disneyland on Wednesday. Tiana was there too, but whatever. I was there for Naveen. I got his autograph and then I went and bought a Frog!Naveen cuddly toy for 15 euros. I had one of the biggest ever smiles on my face ever and I wouldn't stfu about how much I adored Naveen and I kept shouting "ACHIDANZA!" at people and I generally had to explain who he was because no-one had seen PatF. Someone asked me "What would have happened if it was Clopin instead?" and I was like "GIRL, NAVEEN IS ONLY SECOND BECAUSE OF CLOPIN!".
He's funny, sexy, has the best voice ever, great taste in clothes, he sings like an angel and he even makes a hot frog. Tiana is one fucking lucky bitch. If I was Lottie, I'd have held on to that studmuffin and never let go. Dayum. Just... Just dayum.








That's your lot. Be gone with you. Here's a picture of something to entertain you: