Here's a snapshot of Disney that has pretty much nothing to do with this article! Yay!
Damn, this took some kicking and screaming. I love my Disney characters, and to just choose 10... Well, I think I narrowed it down.
I can't wait to finally sit back and look at this so I can appreciate those characters I love the most for what they really are - my personal best. For me, Disney really doesn't get much better than the 10 characters you see below. And that's saying something. That's saying A LOT.
Anyway, yes, I swear. I don't give a shit that I swear either.
On with the countdown!
Before I start, I just have to give these three a mention:
#13: Kuzco - The Emperor's New Groove (2000)
#12: Charlotte - The Princess and The Frog (2009)
#11: Basil - The Great Mouse Detective (1986)
It really pains me to leave them out!
10) Hades - Hercules (1997)
Name's Hades, Lord of the Dead and all Epicness. ;)
Ah, Hades. Hades, Hades, Hades... I FUCKING ADORE HADES.
He's blue, he's badass, he's got fire for hair. What else could you want? He's witty, sleazy and he always performs his end of the deal. You hear that, Herc? At least SOMEONE knows the importance of their word.
I mean, he's a fucking GOD. Not only that, but he's just about the coolest God there is - he's the God of the Underworld. He has a three-headed ginormous pet dog and a skeleton that ferries him around on his sea of souls. That's just fucking AMAZING.
Not to mention, he's got such a great ol' load of dimension to his character. He never gets boring or dull to watch, no matter how old you get or how many times you watch it. Even my Grandma loves Hades. And my Grandma is so negative about Disney films, it's unbelievable. But Hades is just one of those guys. Everyone loves Hades for some reason or another, and I love him enough to give him that shining number 10 spot.
9) Judge Claude Frollo - The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Only placing me 9th? She's as bad as those gypsy vermin!
Best villain, best villain song, best Disney film...
Is there anything Frollo hasn't got? I can tell you one thing he has got and he wants to get rid of. Starts with v. Thiiiink about it.
Anyway, Frollo is too cool for words. He's evil. A real bad-to-the-bone guy. I mean, he commits genocide every day and blames his sins on religion. He lusts after women and burns them at the stake if they won't have him. Goddamn, this guy needs a chill pill. But that's why we love him! He's quirky (well, at least his hat is) and he's voiced by the wonderful Tony Jay (RIP - can't believe it's been 4 years already!) AND he's a very twisted character. It's so fun to see him squirm and pushed to his limit on film. That's probably what makes him so great. He's even cool when he gets insane and homicidal. But then again, most people's characters do improve at this point. Just look at Scream - Billy was just a greasy slimebag until he became cool, psychotic and slightly sexy.
Anyway, Hellfire is one of the best Disney songs ever. If you ever need a quick lol, type "Hellfire in 5 seconds" into YouTube. I lol'd so freakin' hard, because it's true.
To be blunt, as always, I love Frollo. <3
8) Mulan - Mulan (1998)
Poised, delicate, beyond epic, kickass, ninja skillz... Oops, got a little distracted!
You really know how serious this list is when you see a character I love and cherish this far down.
Mulan is just amazing. She's clumsy, awkward and funny as well. She's a real kick in the balls to men and I just love that. You go, girl. You show them that you can climb up a pole and throw an arrow. You throw that arrow for women everywhere! You could also save China later, but that's not what we're here for. We're here to see what you can do with that pole. ...Say hello to the TWSS moment, everyone. You just passed it.
Anyway, Mulan is beautiful and fun and just so lovable. She's impossible to hate and despite her tons of fans, she's still underrated. WHERE IS HER MERCHANDISE, DISNEY? WHEREEEEE?
7) Phoebus - The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
"Be awesome and witty, Captain." -- "YES SIR!"
This poor guy usually gets overlooked, but good lord is he funny!
Phoebus is sexy, witty, bitchy, smart, strategic and ballsy. Sounds sort of like a description of some of my favourite heroines, but you know how it is. Birds of a feather flock together!
First off, as I've never really talked about Phoebus before, we'll mention his looks. Phoebus is fucking hot. He could captain my guard any day. Mmmmm. He's got that cute blonde hairstyle, the sexy little goatee and the manly macho body. Oooh, baby. As a girl I know would say, "that's orgasm personified!".
Secondly, Phoebus' personality. He has a ton of it, and every single inch just oozes wit. Right from when we first see him, he's just dripping witty lines onto the floor and making a puddle. He only ever speaks to say something smothered in that wonderful, beautiful wit. Unless he's angry, or making a speech destined for someone else... DAMN YOU, PHOEBUS. DAMN YOU FOR STEALING SOME OF HIS SCREENTIME!
Thirdly, there's his voice. I will not repeat this girl I know's stance on voices. I'll save that one for later. Ok, fine, TWSS.
6) Megara - Hercules (1997)
Told you I had fans, Pegasus. You're just JEALOUS.
I LOVE MEG.
She's witty, stunning, slightly bitchy, sassy and amazing beyond belief. The Queen of Wit is here and she's here to stay!
So many things about Meg are just too cool for words. She has purple eyes for God's sake. PURPLE. There's only one other character with purple eyes, and he's still to come.
Now I mention it, Meg is rather purple. Purple's my favourite colour, y'know. You never would have guessed, would you?
Anyway, let's just get this over and done with. I think I've talked about Meg enough in other articles. I just looooove her! <3
5) Doctor Facilier - The Princess and The Frog (2009)
'Cause I'm oozing epic from every side.
A lot of people don't like my dear Faci, but I love him.
He's hot (don't dispute this - he is), he has an amazing voice, he ties with Frollo as the best Disney villain (honestly, I could never choose between them) and he's one of the best dressed Disney characters I've ever seen. Facilier has style. He makes New Orleans shake so far into their boots that they dare not utter his name... He's just the Shadowman. With an introduction like that, you're expecting a lot. And boy does this guy more than deliver!
His hair, his clothes, his face. They all ooze this sexy sophisticated edge. He's cool and he dances like no-one else. Damn, does this guy even have bones? He sure does have the coolest shadow ever (so suck on that, Peter Pan) and he messes with voodoo. Voodoo is like, as cool as it gets. Well, maybe not, but it's still cool. All those mystical things and those little charms... Everyone knows something about voodoo, and everyone has to agree - that's some cool shit. I mean, they even have freakin' zombies. Facilier has shadows. They're faster, slinkier, cooler, funnier... Just like Faci himself.
4) Mushu - Mulan (1998)
The one, the only, the all-awesome Mushu!
I always have done and I always will love Mushu. He's hilarious and I love his personality! I couldn't imagine anyone else voicing him except the undisputably amazing Eddie Murphy. No-one else could pull off something this epic win.
In fact, Mushu is just one big case of epic win that cannot be contained in mere words. The only reason he's slinking at fourth is that the top 3 are the messiahs of Disney that I worship with joy and pleasure.
3) Esmeralda - The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
I'm hot 'cause I'm fly, you ain't 'cause you not!
I told you she wasn't my favourite, but she used to be.
Esmeralda just oozes epic win. She's the tin that spreads the epic win around. She has to dish it out because she's just creating the stuff.
She dances and sings like a siren, a comparison that I'm sure Frollo would agree with. She looks like some sort of freakin' Goddess. Her hair is so messy and "fuck it" but yet so dazzlingly perfect. In the final battle when Frollo's about to kill her and her hair is billowing in the wind.. IT STILL LOOKS GODDAMN AMAZING. What is this witchcraft?! As if that isn't enough, her face is just beautiful to behold with her large green eyes and seductive smile... But the real jewel is her body. Her curves are just amazing. Her boobs are epic win and her waist - HER HIPS! Her thighs... Oh my! It's all beautifully held into place by her dazzling outfits. Her gypsy outfit is so memorable and out there, but it's that red spandex that really quickens the heartbeats. It clutches her body and holds it into place so nicely. No wonder Frollo had an obvious boner.
Despite all this stuff, Disney then decided they'd go one step further and give her a killer personality of spunk, wit, compassion, kindness and fiesty rage. Honestly Disney, how epic win can you make this girl? Oh that's right, you then place her in the best movie of all time, give her one of the best songs of all time, place her in the best couple of all time with one of the best men of all time and let her live in just about the coolest place of all time. GODDAMNIT, THIS GIRL IS JUST SO AMAZING THAT I CAN'T LOVE HER ENOUGH!
Naveen could play my ukelele anyday! ;D
Oh, NAVEEN, you sexy hunk of man! <3
He's hot, he's cool, he's funny beyond reason... This guy just makes me go so squee and weak at the knees.
It's time for the line: "This voice gets a open-legged approval from me!"
...No, really, she actually says that. Good thing it's true though! The cinema must have had some real trouble with the whole audience jizzing simultaneously as soon as this guy opened his mouth. It only helps that he is the sexiest Disney guy ever. His face, his hair, his body, his charm. YES, NAVEEN. I WOULD BEG FOR MORE. And I don't mean just the kisses. ;)
Erm, yes, anyway, he's so funny! Jesus Christ! His arguments with Tiana just make me lol my face off to the extreme. He's an amazing human and an amazing frog.
PLUS, I'VE MET HIM AT FUCKING DISNEYLAND PARIS. AND HE SAID ACHIDANZA TO ME. AHHHHHH! AND I HAVE A FROG!NAVEEN CUDDLY TOY! AHHHHHHH! OMG, I LOVE NAVEEN!
...Obsessed? No, of course I'm not obsessed, don't be silly.
You wanna see obsession? It's time for the best character of all time. Fuck Disney for a second - this is the epitome of awesome. It's the one and only...
1) Clopin - The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Clopin just knocks them other fools out the way, 'cause Clopin's on top and the top's gonna stay.
CLOPIN. YES, CLOPIN. MR EPIC WIN IN A TIN HIMSELF.
The man too epic for actual words that they had to invent one for him: CLOPINTASTIC. That's what this guy is, pure and simple. He's just an evolution of epic win that can only be explained with himself... Which makes no sense, which is awesome!
I just realised that I've never actually gone through why I love Clopin so much. So it's "ARGH! MICHELLE'S A FUCKING INSANE OBSESSIVE PERSON!" time! Yay!
Clopin is witty, fun, silly, outrageous, cute, sexy, hot, PURPLE, insane and unbelievably epic. He holds his own puppet show, goddamnit. He sings... *counts on fingers*... 4 epic win songs. Out of 9 epic win songs. He wears purple! He dances like some ninja on heavy drugs and sugar. His voice is just beautiful! Paul Kandel <333
He's so... He's so... He's just so CLOPINTASTIC, DAMNIT. Can you explain something this amazing? No, we've already gone over this. You see, this is the world. And this is the realm of epic that sits above the world. If you go up to the top floor of epic, you're still not even halfway to Clopin. He deserves to be worshipped. Care to start a religion, mes amis? They started one for Kurt Cobain, didn't they?
Anyway, I don't really think it's possible to sum this up. I love Clopin so much that mere mention of him brings up that squee feeling in my chest. You know exactly what feeling I mean.
That's your lot. Be done with it. Care for some Clopin fanart? I've drawn... a lot. To say the least.
Bad 5 minute doodle is bad.
Heh. Not even Clopin's safe from Kesha's catchy lyrics.
My other Clopin art sucks even more balls, so here's that nice picture of Esme mouse again.